Butterflies & Pink Grass

The world just lost an angel.

2009-12-23T12:47:00.000-08:00

July 29th 1937 – Dec 22nd 2009

Grandma passed away last night at about 6:30pm. I have a gaping hole in my chest. And every other thought is one of her that makes my throat close and eyes well with tears.

Thank you for being the strongest woman in the entire world Grandma. You saw the best in every one and every situation. They way you lived your life will forever be the model for mine.

I hope where you are now is beautiful. I miss you every second.

Lack luster.

2009-12-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

winter break is almost here.. stoked.

Im starving

and tired.

that's all I got for you today.

2009-11-06T02:22:00.000-08:00

So why not?
I’ve been a lot of a recluse lately and I admit it openly. So here’s an honest effort update:
School’s all right, math aside I’m getting on nicely. I need adderall, BAD. I’ve only taken one test the past 4weeks (in math) and I should have had at least 4 or 5 under my belt by now. Gah. I’ll follow through though; I can’t waste mom’s money like that. Work is spectacular; I think I’m the luckiest girl in the world, getting to work with such an amazing group of people. And, yes, I finally waitress! Making tips and sitting pretty. I also have a car now, I cute old little Subaru GL (1986) Erin (brothers girl) went on an adventure to pick it up at my Cousins house in Spokane a week ago or so. I still am waiting for Kevin (2nd cousin) to send me the title so I can renew the tabs and registration. I’ve only been driving it to work and back witch isn’t too risky, not a ticket I couldn’t easily talk myself out of. Mom already got a parking ticket, hah. I’ve been going through a lot of personal changes, battles even. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, I really kind of like it, all the change. I’ve been eating meat for the past few weeks and it is spectacular. Don’t ask me why, I just think I needed some variation in my day-to-day routines. Bikram yoga is making life a brighter place to live. Among other things, let’s just say I’ve been stepping out of the box lately. I really miss all my friends though, I feel like I’m missing a big part of myself. Between school and work I don’t have much time, but I’m really feeling the need to sit with my loves and chitchat about anything and everything.
Well this was a sorry attempt it seems looking at this puny paragraph, my apologies.

here, because I'm a firm beleiver that you can tell alot about a person if you know what music they're listening to....so heres a list of whats in my ears every day (A need to hop on the ball on the cd burning collective. I WONT LET YOU GUYS DOWN IM IN I JUST NEED TO SEE YOU!
Songs: Cheap Trick, Heaven Tonight. The Rolling Stones, Wild Worses and Moonlight Mile. THIS, Conspiracy. Acid Bath, Dead Girl, old skin, graveflower... (all Acid Bath really, been on a big kick lately). Au Rivoir Simone, Tell Me.
\
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peace dudes

rough draft..

2009-10-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

Hi guys, sorry it’s been a minute. I haven’t found much time or oomph to update these past few months. Much has changed; I’m back in school, the leaves are changing colors summer is as gone as ever, I’m in a new apartment, I’m eating meat, and for the first time in a very long time, I’m single. With nobody waiting on my horizon, keeping me company, I’ve pretty much affirmed my independence and set it high in my sights to be all I need. Bring my expectations down a little bit, for everything. It’s been a struggle. For as far back as I can remember I’ve been chasing time, getting ahead of myself and setting myself (and others) up for disaster.

Time has flown past me in the blink of an eye. I feel like I just celebrated new years last weekend…but it’s just around the corner again.

I’m running out of time to update and I’m doing my best to scratch your guys’ itch for wondering what is going on with me.

First things first, A: Suzye? Randy? I have a car and I intend to use it to come see you as soon as possible. I miss you like mad, and a serious catch-up date is in order, and I need to see your new pad!

B: To all my lovelies that are reading this…I need you. Friendship is something that I need now more than ever before; I need to be close with you guys so I don’t lose my freaking mind with all this change that’s afoot.

So there’s that. I can’t settle down enough to make a more strapping post, I’ll give it another shot later.

I love you guys

Waiting game update...

2009-07-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

I have been getting the urge to pinch myself often, to make sure I’m actually awake and not just having very convincing dream. I’ve wished for summer for what seems for so long that I hardly can remember a time when I wasn’t wishing I could just fast forward to right now. With the 4th of July staring right at me from around the corner; Suzye and Randy and Nick all together living in Gig Harbor; Bekah’s graduated and finishing up her last days of school. Sunshines outside my window mocking me to come out from behind this screen and bask in its glory. I’m waiting for 6pm sharp so that I can call work to get news of my fate for the evening. Seeing as how it’s the start of a three-day weekend and it’s Art Walk in Pioneer Square tonight I most likely wont have to show my face in there until tomorrow. In which case I’ll be going to Pioneer Square myself to see Nicks booth and relax and breath in the last breaths on this gorgeous day.

I haven’t been in any shape to update lately because since I’ve been back from Maui I’ve been connected at the hip with Kale. I’m blown away constantly on how damn good a person can make me feel simply by just being around. Yesterday we layed out under the sun on the roof of the garage and read books to each other; listening to music and watching an Eagle get bullied by crows. My tummy was crippling me so he gave me the princess treatment; rubbing ice where it hurt till it melted and kept the Pabst’s coming. When we had gotten enough sun we walked down to Anthony’s on the water and had a delicious meal (including fresh oysters, yum!). We went and rented True Blood from the store to satisfy my new addiction. And watched that until trotting down the alley to the Unicorn Tavern to meet Monica, and she brought Dan with her and we all had ourselves some beer and played ourselves some pool. Monica and Kale won twice (no thanks to Monica though, haha)

brb I have to call.

Annnnnnnd I don’t have to go in. SUPRISE!

Okie dokie, I will continue updating later, I have a lot of important news. some good some bad. For now I’m getting up out of this scorching hot apartment.

Ta ta.

Short photo post.

2009-06-20T01:03:00.001-07:00

To let you into my world.

What a Wonderful World

2009-06-11T11:55:00.001-07:00

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party from William Castleman on Vimeo.

Monday.

2009-06-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

The last Monday and then I am free, and summer is in full swing.

hala-freakin-lula

Can't breathe

2009-06-06T00:31:00.000-07:00

I have so much to say.

I just don't think I know how.

I have always expected you to be here.
I have always pictured you there,

when I get married,
To know my children,
To talk me through things[like this].
like you have been
you always know what to say
....how to make me feel so much better.

I have always wanted to be just like you.
so positive, such a warm, bright person.

being able to see the good in jsut about everything

you are the best person i have ever known

I need you here with me in this life...I never want to say goodbye

2 months is not enough..

please
please
please .....

stay.

2009-06-04T14:31:00.000-07:00

So! One more week of school! Next week I will be doing one (take home) Logic final, one Environmental Science final and 2 math finals (one for each module I passed this quarter) I was supposed to have 6 modules passed by this time but at the beginning of the quarter I was stuck in review for 2 weeks and didn’t get any new things covered, then the next week I had my mind on other things but school (the final weeks till’ my boyfriend finally came home from Alaska) and then my attention was diverted once again when he left again. BUT my attendance is worth one test grade so I’ll be walking away from Modular MathLab this quarter with no lower than a 2.5 (which I can live with). My logic Exam is already in my possession and I will be studying the new chapters and working through that this weekend. I also acquired my study guide for ENV so I can study for that too. My teachers going to a wedding and we don’t have class tomorrow or Monday. So that gives me some extra time to finish the energy project that I haven’t even looked at. Sigh~ I am so happy that this time next week I will be taking the last of my tests and I’ll be completely packed for Hawaii! Also next weekend Suzye and Randy are having a yard sale in OLY (and a clothing exchange?!) so I have been going through all my clothes (I think I tried on everything I own yesterday!) and decided to get rid of a lot of stuff. I was doing all of this while waiting to find out if I’d be going into work at some point. I got pretty offended when I finally did call in, and my manager told me, with a tone that made it seem as though I was bothering her, to call in at 6 (I called @ 5:30) so as much as I know this sucks, I hung up and called again in a half hour. Mind you that this whole time I could be out on the beach right down the street playing volleyball in the hot (90 degrees!) sun and drinking ice cold Coronas’[ with lime] not flipping worrying about being clean and dressed in case they do say to come in. GRR. So when I called back even more annoyed sounding on the other end of the line she barked “you can have the night of thanks!” and hung up. I had tears in my eyes I was so pissed off. I feel bad I even vented to Kale about it for a while this morning instead of telling him sweet, cheerful things. It’s Thursday, they are usually busy, but we’ll see. I hate waiting around. And if I was making a lot of money as it was during the weekdays I would be a little less ruffled about having to refuse making plans because of an off-chance I might have to go to work, but I don’t make enough money to just swallow the stupid idea that I’m essentially on-call all day long. My apartment is SO HOT, like a steam room. We got Sammy Shaved into a lion (we do this when he gets really matted or when it gets hot) right in the nick of time too, I would feel so awful if poor Sam had to bake in the hot sun under a thick matted fur coat in the 100+ degree apartment! Houston’s been under my bed all day, and Jade is at the bottom of her cage (cooler). I am not complaining about the heat, I love this! But I would rather be out in it all day rather than being stuck waiting to call someone who isn’t the least bit appreciative of the complete and utter shittiness of the whole calling-in business.
So I’m still at school. Its air condition in this library, I just did about 2 hours of math. I’m going to post this and then watch some fun things on youtube... This one takes the cake… I am SO STOKED to see New Moon.

I got kind of depressed when I watched the MTV Movie award where Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson won best kiss…they all pretended like they were going to passionately make out on stage for their acceptance speech…then she was like,“SIKE!” what a lame ass!!! When (my other boyfriend) Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams one best kiss in 2008 for their earth shattering kiss in The Notebook they went up there and gave us a show!

Now i understand that that's hard to beat...But COME ON! This(?):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG3NxI7Oi2Y (embedding was disabled by request...not surprised)

That is all for now. xo

It's hot.

2009-06-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

Two more weeks to go!

2009-05-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

Another week down. Just two more and I’ll be in Hawaii with my family. And then one more week after that and I’ll be wrapping my arms around the one I love. I can make it! I’ve been a puddle of stress lately. But the more I vent the more I realize the obvious; life is what you make it. The majority of the tension lately has been on West 5. It’s been pretty slow lately, narrowing the need for a Host/Barback during the week. So, now, instead of just coming in (and clocking in) at 5:30 on weekdays, I call to see if it’s busy enough for me to come in by 6pm or wait and come in at 7….or not come in at all. Both Wednesday and Thursday it turned out to be the ladder. Which is all fine and good, but waiting around all day to see if I do have to be there or don’t…is a little nerve racking. It was Monica’s 21st birthday on Wednesday –she invited me to BBQ on Ruston way before hitting the bars. I wanted to do this SO BADLY, and usually I have Wednesdays off anyways and would have been there ASAP, but I’m working for Quinn these last two Wednesdays while her and Dean vacation in Salt Lake. Then to miss the BBQ, I had already gotten all gussied up, ready to leave (thinking I would at least go in at seven, if not six) then Toni tells me, “You can just have the night off, it’s slow.” Well this would have been vital information about 6 hours ago. So a whole day wasted. I didn’t get to celebrate one of my closest friends birthdays, didn’t get to BBQ (a favorite thing of mine to do on gorgeous days, as was Wednesday). So all this is pissing me off. And again, here I am, Sun soaked and bushed after biking 10 miles this morning, hiking the whole Admiral hill and rollerblading Alki for four hours in the sun with Mom, to race home to be able to call in to work to see what it’ll be. Gee say’s it’s slow, so I’m going in at 7. so my weekend shifts are even being cut, instead of 4-11 its like 7-9(maybe). Hardly worth all the waiting around just to see if I maybe, kinda need to be at work or not. I’m too under appreciated and thin-skinned to want to stick this out and just basically be on call, not making any money. I would like to be making/saving money. And I would like to have a set time I start and a set time I stop. Is this asking too much? Well I ran into this girl that used to serve mom and I whenever we went into the Bohemian (a tiny restaurant/bar on California ave.) she said they did the same thing to her there (just not enough business) so she quit and applied at Elliots downtown on the waterfront. She told me to drop off my resume asap because they’re hiring like crazy for the summer, and they’re busy and that means great tips. It sounds good, but I’m just going to relax as much as I can, focus on school for this last little bit of time before I’m off to Hawaii and can clear my foggy, city-saturated head and just enjoy my summer. Maybe west 5 will pick back up by the time I get back. We shall see.

I was really frustrated for a couple days not being able to get a hold of Kale. But I finally got to talk to him and I feel much better. I miss him so much I can’t even believe it. I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to be near someone so badly. Time’s scooting along though, and I’m not moping or sad anymore; just eager and impatient. :P haha.

Well I get to go on a picnic with Ashley tomorrow! I wish I had my camera :( Bekah Nick and SuQ and Randy you all should come join!

Off to work. Think happy thoughts.

Loves.

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-25T12:02:00.000-07:00

I had a good weekend. I’m happy I don’t have to go to work or school today. I’m trying to be good and do school work. I have a report on the demographics of the Republic of Czech due for extra credit tomorrow and I got that finished really fast. I should spend the rest of the day on math, but the sun is beaming in through every window in the apt beckoning me to come outside.

I got up early on Saturday and bused to the Folk Life Festival. Max met me there later. His car pooped out on him though. I’m not quite sure exactly what happened but it’s really, really broken. He has had the worst luck with cars. I called work to see if they needed me to come in at the regular 4pm time, Quinn said to come in around 5:30 instead. So I bused all the way back, only to be bored out of my skull. No one was there. So I left around 8 and hauled ass to be able to make it back to the Seattle Center to see Flowmotion. I made it just in time and it was a blast! Max and his friend Allen and Allen’s girlfriend Bianca all came too. Then we all went to the Tiger Lounge where there was a Folk life after party going on. I overdid it to say the least but it was fun for a while. Max, Allen and Bianca left in the middle of Flowmotion’s set and I took a cab home at some point…and left my camera and my ego in it. hopefully I'll get those back soon.

Mom and I went back to Folk life yesterday and shopped around and spent a lot of money. I got some cute hippy garb and mom got this really great outfit from Tinctoria (www.tinctoriadesigns.com). We got an amazing meditation pillow from a nice man from Oregon named Chi. We sat in his little tent and talked about kombucha, life, yoga, breathing, parks and everything else. It was really peaceful in his tent and the pillows were so comfy! (www.organicdreampillows.com) I had some of his kombucha tea and he even had a nalgene full of spring water he’d gotten right from Shasta the day before. the whole experience helped my hangover from hell, and almost got me feeling 100%. He explained a secret route back from Medford that I really want to see. ;)

Mom got me a very special gift. I don’t know how to describe it. I would take a picture of it and post it on here but…my camera is m.i.a right now. It’s a leather journal/scrapbook/album that has a Celtic double heart on the cover. She got it so that I will have a place to put all of the amazing love art that Kale makes for me. I’m really excited to start putting everything inside. They are far too special to be folded in an envelope and tucked in a shelf!

So that’s my weekend. I got to talk to my baby a little bit too. Only two more weeks till I have finals week (one week early) and then on the 15th I’m off to sandy beaches and family healing in Hawaii. And then on the 22nd I get to come home and hug my man!! I really need to pull it together! I’ve been really down in the dumps and have very little motivation to do anything but think and yearn. The house is a mess (no surprise there…) I haven’t gone to the gym in a week. And I cant stay concentrated long enough to get any studying done. I have to retake an Environmental science test on Wednesday and I have 2 chapters to review for that. Blarg. The 15th can't get here soon enough!

I’m going to force mom to go roller blade on Alki with me today.

p.s. I miss Kale, I can’t talk to him nearly as much as when he was in AK. I just feel so out of touch with him. I wont complain anymore than that. Everytime I whine about missing him out loud, mom says, “well at least you have some body to miss…” She’s right, I’m very lucky to have someone so amazing, somewhere, who might be missing me even a fraction of as much. I don’t know if she’s trying to make me feel better, or trying to make me feel sorry that she’s lonely.

Have a great week everyone!

What we got will turn your brain into sh*t!

2009-05-19T11:35:00.000-07:00

It's 11:26 on Tuesday.

I just had the most amazing three days.

I just Said goodbye to Kale and his parents. I fell in love. And want to shout out so many thank yous to Mark and Sue for letting me tag along. Thank you so much for welcoming me to soak as much time as possible before your son went off to Europe. It means allot to me and I can't thank you enough (I am also eating cheese cake and listening to all the new Elton songs on my ipod..thank you Sue!!)

Now I have to shake the poo outa my head, get my feet back on the ground and get back to business at hand. I have gone through such a whirlwind of emotions (mostly just gooey, earth shattering love) that I am a little air headed lately. I'll explain and go into more detail later. But for now I have to go manifest some fast-track study, straight A Student behavior. I have to go to work tonight... ugh. As you can plainly see my head is still in fairy-tale-land and it's hard to function; I feel very indecisive.

Three days of missing classes isn't good - but I'm going to kick ass and make time go by faster by burying myself in textbooks and school notes. soon I'll be in Hawaii and loosing track of time and not long after THAT I'll be back in the loving arms of my gorgeous man!
OK Sydney pull yourself together!!

Ma

2009-05-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

Mom,
You never read my blog. I don’t think you even know how to find it on this World Wide Web. But even though, it is mother’s day.
Sometimes, when I sit back and reflect on my life, I wonder how things would be if you and dad never got divorced. Or what it would be like if the joint custody thing worked and you’d never moved to Arizona. I also reflect on the hundreds of varying versions of stories I’ve heard about why you left in the first place. Completely fled the state. Giving up all motherly responsibility after the divorce. I was all of a year old ( I think) when you left. I remember the ripe aroma of drama in the house when you would call (a week late) to wish Max or I happy birthday or merry Christmas or whatever holiday. We would be so happy and I think it hurt Tina’s feelings that we loved you so much even though you totally ditched and never called or came to visit. There are so many wholes in my childhood where I have no idea who to believe. I have no idea why you and dad even dated, let alone eloped, not to mention fornicated and, ahem had BABIES… only to immediately split. As frustrated and confused as I am I’m also extremely grateful. I couldn’t have asked for a better set of genes to be passed so there must have been some cosmic energy surrounding the whole thing. You and dad HATE each other with a passion that sweats and pukes over anyone who has to hear or see it. So I guess with this I’m trying to say thank you for making me. I love life. I love being able to grow and learn and breathe and experience things and see the beauty of this incredible life.
And this being said I also wonder if how you feel about our separation during my wee years. What it feels like for you to have left us, max and I (your little tiny babies!) for so long to be raised by some other woman. And even more I think about how bad you must feel after learning how this woman treated us. I have a lot of feeling and emotions on this that I don’t exactly know what to do with. But I love you mom. I feel a deep soul connection with you, where sometimes it seems that you aren’t my mother. It’s hard for me to believe you even have had children, which trips me out, but that’s how I feel.
You get it though. You get a lot of things that I do not. I am still very young and I am one to respect and admire elders no matter how sane they may seem (no offence if you ever catch wind of this post) You never talk much about the deep shit, you keep that to yourself, but you are doing a great job at putting me back together. Paying my tuition, sleeping on the couch, so that I can sleep in a bed, putting up with my mood swings and buying me bananas and feeding me and staying positive even though we are living in a one bedroom apartment that’s falling apart. You’re doing your own thing, how you want to. Sometimes I don’t understand but that’s how it goes I suppose. I respect your choices and admire your ambition and am very grateful you believe in me so much as to pay (out the ass per quarter) for me to get an AA transfer degree at a ghetto Community College so I can possibly go to a 4-year college and be able to do amazing things. I know for a fact that no one believes in me quite as much as you do. You never have anything bad to say -normally you just contradict any negativity and turn it into a glass-half-full scenario. I love you. That’s all I want to say really. Thanks for beleiving in me.

Thanks for my big brother too. I wouldn't want to be here without him. You done good.

so much is rushing through me but i have to stop here so I can call my babe. I'm distracted just thinking about it and I am completely worthless.

Happy mothers day moms.

AHH too excited to think of a good title. ONE WEEK!

2009-05-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

Ok I’m snuggling into my computer chair. My mom is out with a friend so I should be uninterrupted long enough to make a genuine blog update including some the things I’ve been leaving out of my current vapid blogging streak (sometimes not blogging at all) and that I definitely would like to put out there. I’m not quite sure how it’s going to go, I’m guessing I’ll start out very disorganized and get into a flow towards the end… here goes: (edit: I ended up not finishing or posting..whoops)

First and Foremost: We’re now in the single digits in the countdown of what may be the most exciting couple of days of all time. So since I know my friends all know the obvious and won’t be the least bit surprised or hurt (I hope?) to put first the fact that my love is coming home on the 16th. I haven’t seen him since New Years and since then we’ve been growing in love over a two thousand mile distance with the help of phone lines, snail mail (beautiful packages and letters), E-mail, Skype and psychic-cosmic-soul mate-telepathy. So, with that being said, on the 15th Bekah turns 21! Hell yes! Although I’ll be working I’m hoping that when I get off she’ll still be vertical and painting the town pink so that I can wish her happy birthday and buy her a drank! Lindsey is finally back after her journey through the center of the earth! I’ve missed her so much and can’t wait to hear her stories about the wild adventure she’s just returned from! Suzye is getting back on the 15th from Australia and this is excellent! I’ve been raising her plants and thinking about her and missing her everyday when I water them, or while I’m singing to my kombucha. I can’t wait to see you all.

For all the confused ones out there I’m making this a …

NEWS FLASH!
CAPTAIN PLANET PARTY:
Where: OLYMPIA (@suzye and randys)
When: Saturday the 16th!
Who: everyone except Joseph!
Why: Because it’s going to be a coming together like you wouldn’t even believe if I even could find the words to explain how fucking incredible it’s going to be. I’m serious guys we’re bringing down the sun the moon and the stars with this one so I’m not joking you, YOU BETTER BE THERE (AHEM … Lindsey!!)
STOKED!

Ok, moving on.

So with all this excitement and exhilaration building up it’s been pretty hard to stay focused on the NOW and keep puttin’ along. But everything is going really well for me in almost every aspect. Schools going smoothly I’m taking all seriously difficult classes that I’ve been oddly doing very well in. I’ve gotten A’s on all my exams (2 in ENV and 1 in Logic and 1 in Math) without really stressing over books, staying up all night studying or anything! So school’s being good to me. I’ve been brewing my Kombucha and that feels SO amazing! Seriously, I love it so much!

Not only is it extremely satisfying being able to create such an amazing, healthy, delicious drink that nourishes the mind body and soul; but also I’m so inspired to try tons of new things and learn more and create other things with my own hands so I don’t have to pay money to buy it at the store.

I’ve started my own little ghetto porch garden too! And even though I can’t even plant in a real garden, I’m so content. I’ve been getting up on Sunday mornings and going to the farmers market (West Seattle Sunday Market) before I go to the gym or on my way home. I got some kale starts (hehe I love Kale) and have been making friends. I’ve made serious note of how kind calm and pleasant people are who grow things. The man who sold me my kale starts, when I was giving him my three dollars pulled one of the droopy leaves off, smiled and me and said, “he doesn’t need this one, just be sure to plant them a foot apart, they’re guna get real big and feed you good for a while!” and the positive energy he was emanating was huge and warm! So great. I just wish I had a bigger space to do all the things I want to do. I guess just baby steps huh? One thing at a time. I feel like I can just conquer everything right now...but then I look around the apartment and get so discouraged and stressed out grr.

Sooo I did get all settled in when I started this blog post…but then had to call Kale and never got it posted so I’m at school (2 days later) and I’m just gunna throw this on the blog and try and update later whenever I can. I’m so scatterbrained lately with all this excitement building! AHHHH MY BABY’S COMING HOME!!

a quickie

2009-04-30T12:02:00.001-07:00

It’s so beautiful today. I’m so groggy and out of it though. I don’t have the energy to write about what I’ve been doing. I got to picnic in the park on Sunday with Bekah and Ashley. Then Ashley and I went to this really cool bar/restraint call Bleu. It’s on Broadway next to American Apparel, I highly recommend this place.

They played the best music, its so warm and comfy, you get to tuck yourself away into these little cubby holes and eat and drink and decipher all of the random jottings all over the low ceiling and walls. The menu has a bunch of Alice in Wonderland photos and the names of their drinks crack me up. (Suzye, you would love it!) also Keith showed Bekah and I think really sweet nook in Capitol Hill.. it’s this secluded little Garden of Eden, so hidden and magical, coincidently we got there right at sunset and I had tears in my eyes. I took some pictures to try to capture it, but they’re cell phone photos and don’t do it much justice but I’ll share anyways.
I have to study for my Logic exam tomorrow then head to work. Then I get to call my baby! I wish I could just fast forward to the good stuff!

I have more to say but like I said I’m not feelin the blogging lately.

Nanunah nan un ahhh

2009-04-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

Oh so busy lately. Work and school and going to the gym and busing in between. I’m cramming in reading my text books on the bus. The good thing of it all is that time is flying by. This week was over in a flash. I know it’s still Thursday but it feels like Friday, and it will be in just another blink of my eye. This is fantastic because the faster time goes the fast I get to see Kale. And, really, that’s what has been keeping me going about my days so enthusiastically. Being in love is…something so special. I am also that much closer to a bunch of other exciting things other than Kales home coming, reunions like seeing Lindsey finally, after her long journey, Suzye comes home from Australia on the same day as Kale gets home from Ak, I’m super excited to be together with everyone on the 16th; Bekah is turning 21 on the 15th and we get to celebrate! Also, going to Hawaii for my sisters’ wedding in June (then coming home the same day Love gets back from Europe), I’m also stoked summer and all its glory, ect.
The only bummer is Grandma and her cancer and, in effect, mom and her depression and worry over it all. I try to stay optimistic and think positive and not get sad or hopeless. Grandma’s a fighter; I know everything will be okay, no matter what. She started giving me things…like really important family heirlooms such as her Avon perfume collectibles and framed photos of Grandpa and her from when they where my age. She bought me an expensive bathing suit last weekend and gave me her old (but cute...) beach bag, all for my trip to Hawaii, also a list of things that I have to see while I’m there. While we were shopping around Freemont she almost accelerated at full speed ahead into a parked Mazda we had just parallel parked behind, she simply mistook the gas for the brake pedal before pulling her parking break. I shrieked so loud my throat hurt the rest of the day. I don’t recall the last time I screamed like that out of utter panic and fear for our life. I was so stressed! But grandma just looked at me and said, “Good, just checking to see if you were awake.” And she smiled slyly. So lucky we didn’t hit that car, I have no clue how we didn’t. She’s in the hospital and has been since the day after we went shopping, with pneumonia. Le sighs.
I’m starving – so instead of going to the gym before work. I’m going home and eating!

Sorry.

2009-04-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

For that saddening post last week. I found out Grandmas c*ncer came back...which just plain sucks. So thats what that was about..I'm workin on acceptiing this..tough stuff though.

It's raging beautiful sunshine out today! Yes I know it's Monday...I blew off school and Monica and I are going to Tacoma Boys to get some snacks and bevs and heading to Point D with Malory and Dan. I don't have any obligations today.. that will change tomarrow. But for right now I'm free.

I'm so in love.

No use crying

2009-04-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

Dry your tears on hope.

Ready. Set. GO!

2009-04-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

Execution style update: I will just list the major things going on lately in the life of Sydney, things I’m doing, not doing, wish I were doing, soon going to be doing etc etc.

-Books/reading: I returned the gigantic stacks of books to the library. I was a little too ambitious thinking I could possible read them all during spring break. Oh well. I have some books that friends have lent me that I need to read. The books from Suzye, my manager Toni and the one from my Biology teacher last quarter. I’m still working on “Let The Right One In” (from Toni )but I left it at Kelly’s last weekend, and there’s really no telling when I can get it back unless I dedicate an entire day to go hunt him down on the bus...and really… I don’t have that kind of time on my hands. Grr.

-School “spring Break”: Well school starts back up on Monday. It’s almost like I haven’t gotten a spring break. At first I was waking up every morning at 7:30 or 8:00 am but just now, at the tail end of my hiatus from early morning classes peeling my ass from bed at the break of day I’m beginning to sleep damn near until noon! I still have to go buy my books. I’ll probably have to do that today if I want to have a chance at getting them for used book prices otherwise I’m gunna be shelling out another 500 bucks like last quarter. I’ll be taking Philosophy and Psychology and Math this quarter. I have to let all my teachers know that I need to take my finals a week prior to the end of the quarter because I’ll be leaving for Hawaii a week before finals. (I’m VERY excited about this fact actually)

-Work @ West 5: So while work is pretty easy going and I’m stating to settle in comfortably to my new full schedule there have been some tribulations I’ve been climbing the hill to finally get over.
Being made fun of: There’s a boy (a very nice boy who I like just fine as a person), M.Doyle, who is definitely some one who isn’t in my realm of people. His favorite band is Pink martini and hates everything that isn’t Lilly Allen. He is a tiny boy who looks like a east coast college prep Buddy Holly (take a look at the recent Ralph Lauren adds for and e.g.) He’s very gay and very metro, which I have NO problem with, believe me. I am a very open minded individual and I love everyone! It’s when people start knocking me for no reason and being callous just because…well for no other reason than that I don’t look ideal I guess. The first thing M. Doyle did was approach me during a pretty busy Tuesday night rush with a dollar bill and a napkin and says, “Wanna do me a favor?! I’ll give you a dollar!” and so I say, “yes of course, keep your silly dollar what’s up?”
This is when he held out the napkin and was like, “just put your gum in here!” said with a fake sarcastic smile. Now, I had JUST put this gum in my mouth. The flavor only lasts about 15 minutes’ tops anyhow so there was NO way I was going to spit it out. So I say, “no that’s ok, why would you want me to spit out my gum?” to which he replied, “Didn’t your parents every teach you that it’s rude to chew gum? I mean, you look so tacky, like a cow chewing hay or something!” (*Insert over-exaggerated chomping impression*) the funny thing is; Jason (the bartender) and Ryan (other server) BOTH had the SAME gum in their mouths. So I will repeat this, I love people; but when someone rubs me the wrong way.. I scrutinize them layer-by-layer. I loved this boy until now. And what he did next pushed me to a level that I hate to be at especially with a co-worker. He went from calling me rude and cow-like to trash talking my whole appearance…a.k.a. my dread locks.
So we are standing there and M. Doyle is just sorta starting at me, which I notice through my peripherals and acknowledge his stare with a smile. (I’m a nice person – people can stare, it’s cool) he then reaches out to my tresses with his thumb and forefinger his 3 other fingers (pinky farthest) extended straight out, as if he where about to pick up a slug or a dead rat. He takes one of my locks in his fingers and quickly drops his hand and shrugs his shoulders. “when are you going to cut your ‘braids’ and have real hair?”
Okay, a.) My hair is not fake. and b.) I didn’t get dread locks with a set date to chop them off. So I say, “I don’t really plan to cut my hair off man.” …. “but it’s so dirty, did you hear that Bob Marley had about 10924o5 different species of lice in his dreads when he died!?” I countered his dense comment with a simple, “I don’t have lice though.” And he just kept going arguing with me about how much better I would look if I just had ‘normal’ hair. While I left it at that and didn’t say anything else I was pretty offended. I don’ even know if offended is the right word. I could care less what anyone thinks of my personal style because it’s me who has to walk the planet looking like this, not them. So I don’t go around asking people like M. Doyle, “So, when are you doing to get contacts and take off those prissy suspenders, stop shaving your facial hair and unbutton the top button of your pristinely pressed button-up?” I don’t say this because I don’t care, I acknowledge that people have their own styles, and present themselves in a way that they feel most comfortable. I don’t EVER wonder why people dress the way they do, or have certain hair-dos or anything like that; and until now I was somewhat blind to the fact that people actually do.
So last night I was just standing there, talking with Quinn. She reached out and touched my hair and asked if I had gotten them done because they look really tight and good. I was shootin’ the shit with her about little dread cosmetics that I had gotten such as special dread conditioning oil and this and that. So this is when M. Doyle walks in to the conversation and I knew what was coming. “I just think she would be so much prettier with her normal long brown hair, don’t you?” My jaw dropped with disbelief! Why does he care? Why can’t he just shut up about it, keep his closed-minded judgments to himself? I very rarely get defensive because people’s opinions really don’t mean that much to me, surprised? Didn’t think so. But let me say too, that people don’t normally voice their rude opinions to me (or to anyone for that matter; it’s just not nice! Didn’t you’re mother ever teach you that? If she didn’t than Disney movies could have “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”-Thumper – Disney’s “Bambi”).
So I get defensive, “Why do you care so much, do you want me to fit a mold of a ‘pretty girl’ so that you can solicit me for sex, so that you can find me more attractive? What the heck gives man? Why do you care?” Quinn took her leave, sensing the thick tension in the air. M. Doyle responded with, “No (*looking at the ground*) but I would give you 50 dollars, and there’s a pool going so you would get a lot of money..” (so basically he just informed me that when I’m not around my co-workers stand around talking about my hair? What the hell?) then he says, “but, do what you want, just don’t listen to me I’m old fashioned (no you aren’t you pompous closed minded prick) or what Mikey says or Ryan or Jason…” So basically here he’s telling me that they all hate my hair openly to each other. COOL but the difference there is that no one ever says anything about it to me but him. So I stomp off and choke back tears (I’m a sensitive girl and my feelings just got hurt.) anyways Toni eventually asked me what was the matter, and I just told her that I need to not let what M. Doyle says get to me anymore. She must have said something because later he was like “sorry I made fun of you earlier, I’m just old fashioned and I like ‘natural’ I guess.” And then I said something like “it’s okay dude, what you think is natural and what I think is natural are complete and polar opposites, so we should just not talk about it anymore.

And that’s the end of that rant and rave… GAH

Working 5 nights in a row: is really a very tough thing to do at the bar. I’m working Wednesdays for Quinn because (she said) Dean is out of town so she has to work for him and she doesn’t like to work 5 days in a row. So without telling her that that, in turn, would take away my day off causing me to have to work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday (five nights back to back) I said I would do it. But last night I saw both her and Dean at the bar, he’s not out of town, and I sorta feel dooped. Oh well even if she had asked me to just take her shifts for her because she wasn’t to spend time at home with her man I would have done it –I need all the hours I can get if I want to save up. SO THAT’S that.
(sorry for the big unload there) So anyways…I digress; moving onward.

-My love: Kale is the most amazing man in the universe. And he’s mine. I haven’t felt such feelings in all my life about another person. All we have right now is e-mail, snail mail and phone… but we use our resources to there fullest and are able relay a lot a’ love! I can’t lie though, the distance sometimes wears on me and I get a little on edge. I miss him so much it hurts sometimes. I can’t imagine how the ladies did it, when their men go off to war and all they had was a glisten of hope that maybe a letter would come in the mail reassuring that they are safe, for now. But he’s only teaching in a small village in bush AK. Not in constant immediate danger, and I get to call him every night after work. He’s coming home in 43.5 days and counting. Each day I reach a new high in my despondency and have to channel the longing into happy excitement. Which works sometimes; other times I’m sort of a pill to be around, I NEED him. Not joking. I sent him a package that I spent a lot of time on, it makes me happy when he gets to see the fruits of my love labor, what I do with my time when I’m supposed to be doing numerous other things, but can’t because I’m a love cripple who has only the capacity to sit and think about my love and make things for him haha. It’s all right I’m cool.

-Work out & fitness: Gym has been such a bitch to get to without a car and limited time between sleeping in and going to work. While mom was in Texas (Chris Cornell Concerts) I was able to blast music and work out in the living room. But she’ got home on Wednesday.

-Friends and chillin: Not a lot of this going on. I’ve been trying to collaborate with Ashley and have some quality girl time. Her and Jeff broke up :( so she needs some love. It doesn’t help us much since I don’t have a car and I work nights, and she works early mornings mostly -and lives in Lynnwood. Bekah’s preoccupided with sewing and costume making and what not for her anime convention so I haven’t seen much of her. Did I mention that I work 5 nights a week too. Yeah.

-Family and quality bonding time: Missing my sisters and brothers insanely.
My cousin Kelly got stranded in Sea-Tac because of the Volcano that’s keeping Anchorage, AK under an ash cloud. I went and hung out with her on Sunday. Went shopping, spent way too much money. Dad and Maxwell met up with us for dinner on the waterfront...(see previous post for pictures)
Dad always tells me he’s going to come in and see me at work and get a drink when he’s in Seattle. I’ll go into the closet to check my messages and stuff and there will be one from him every once in a while saying “he Syd we’re in the area we might stop by for a drink” and this excited me only to be really disappointed every time he doesn’t show (he’s told me this on about three different occasions and he’s NEVER been in the bar yet) I should just stop getting my hopes up when he says that because he never ends up coming in. Thanks dad.
-Plant update: they’re a growin :)

-The Great Kombucha debacle of 2009: battling mold!! I had to throw out 3 layers of baby SCOBY and start over with the mother due to mold. I have to cycle this mother for about 4-5 weeks before it’s safe to start bottling. What a learning experience though. I’m so stoked to start making my continuous brew.

-Recent bad/weird luck: dropped phone in cat water. Tore thumb nail bed on plastic fork box. Woke up to a plume of feathers, some in my nose and mouth, a gazillion in my hair and all over my bed! I seemingly ripped open my down feather comforter in my sleep. That mess is such a hassle to clean up.

-Dreams: I fall asleep trying my hardest to meet kale in a grassy field so we can run towards each other and just call into the grass and kiss. But that’s obviously too much to ask because I’ve been having dreams about the wrong people. My co-worker Ryan has been in my dreams almost every night. Whether we are just hanging out in a ball pool at a carnival or a party or making out and cuddling. It never strikes me as odd in my dream.. in fact I know that it’s not him in my dream (really hard to explain dreams wow) I felt like it was the right guy, (kale love) in my dream just the wrong face.. I don’t know…it’s wonky and stresses me out when I wake up but….I’m starting a new book that’s will hopefully give me some exercises to try to control my dreams and have more control over who I see what I do and who I kiss. No more dream cheating!

Mail: I got an amazing letter from Lindsey, a sexy postcard from Suzye (thank you guys so much) I got a postcard from my friend KA who just moved to Jackson Hole Wyoming. AND I got my new horizontal ID! Sa-weet!

Ok I’m done for now. Take care everyone!

2009-03-31T02:12:00.000-07:00

Well here we are! Another week has passed. Sweet. So this is going to be short because I just spent most of the time I allotted for this project on resizing the huge pictures I plan on posting. This weekend was tedious. I worked, I tried to play, I spent way too much money, got to have some family time, some bonding time, some alone time, missed my man more than normal becuase we couldnt talk for hours and hours before falling asleep.

It’s back to work for another five day run tomorrow; but all that means is that it’s going to fly by.

I found out through the grapevine that I actually go back to school on the 9th rather than on the 16th, I was overzealous. Ugh. Being so busy will be helpful in makin May come faster right? And then I’ll be able to make it another month no problem.

So anyways. Here’s the news :)

My cousin Kelly was trying to get ahold of me through Facebook but I had no idea how to check my messages so finally she threw me a bone and just sent me her number. She was stuck in Seattle until today due to all the cancelled Alaska flights because of the erupting volcano. we go to get together on Sunday; I took her around Pike Place Market and took pictures. We also shopped all day; Urban outfitters, Tenzing Momo, H&M, Westlake and wherever else. Dad and Max met up with us on the waterfront for some Red Robins fish and beer. I took a bunch of photos and that’s the whole reason I’m staying up so late to post this. So without further a due... (I still have a lot to say but I’m fading fast so ill write tomoarrow) se here's a picture dump, some from previous weekends too that I never got to post.

I'll explain later.

enjoy.

I feel so.....ugh... This is freaking ridiculous. ♥

bah hum bug

2009-03-28T10:57:00.000-07:00

Spring break has sort of let me down. Being able to sleep in isn't enough to satisfy me. I have been working so much. (not complaining… money is good) but that is the only benefit of not going to school. Because when I'm not working I’m either sleeping or showering or preparing to bus to work.. Hanging out is hard to do when I have a 16-hour turn around and I have to be back at work. And I kind of have to psyche myself up for work and be "ready" because it takes its toll, having equal potential to be really fun or really horrible. Pleasing not only the customers but also my co-workers is some really frustrating business. I am almost too sensitive to work as hostess. Where I have to control the flow of the entire restaurant and keep people from moving chairs around and from seating themselves, cleaning up after people and making sure the servers are content with the work I’m doing. On top of making sure the dishes are being done so there will be enough glass wear circulating. I love all the people, but sometimes their sour attitude puts me on defense and that’s a taxing situation in an 8 hour shift.

So there is your weekly work rant. Overall I’m happy with it. At least I have a good job. In a place that shows NO sign that we are in a recession. I make good money for being a college student living at home with mom. I don’t have too many bills yet so I should soak this up because before long…I’ll be back to paying rent and being dirt poor again. Oh me oh my. I also have to really start thinking about all my credit business. Collections’ is after me for a sick sum of money because of medical bills from 3 years ago. I get physically ill whenever I get a call from them asking me for a check money order or credit card number and they stir up all the invisible dust. :( Blah. I wish I had a sweet escape!

Mom’s gone for the weekend; she’s in Texas till Wednesday. I get the place to myself, which is really nice for a change. I’m not here a lot so it’s not a big deal but I got to have Vanessa over the other night and I cooked her some pasta and we watched Art School Confidential (we both fell asleep). Yesterday I got to go out with my brother and his girlfriend Erin. We went to Pike Place Market then met up with Max’s co-worker Allen at Fado, an Irish Pub and got some beers before max took me to work.

I'm going to go read. that's something I don't much of anymore. Hopefully I won't have ADD. That's been happening a lot lately.

Well that’s all I got for now. Peace folks.

<3

2009-03-24T09:30:00.001-07:00

Sigur Ros - Við spilum endalaust - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

LONG update. It's been a while.

2009-03-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I don't know where to strat so i'm just diving in.
--My first night out at the clubs, 21 years old, no sneaking or the uneasy feeling that I’ll be kicked out or ID’d. I must say it was such a different experience than I expected. Maybe due to my state of mind, having just finished up a trying quarter, working a lot, loving a lot, and so on. I was tired all day; all I wanted to do was sleep after work maybe catch up on some projects I’ve been neglecting since before finals week. And I have to work...today again. But Vanessa called and wanted to celebrate our birthdays together, just her and I. She’d already invited me to go out tonight with a bunch of Pisces birthday tonight a while ago so, last night was just spontaneous and I miss the girl so I said fuck it. I felt so touched and flattered that she wanted some one on one time. I haven’t really been able to spend as much time with her because she’s going to art school in Poulsbo and I don’t have a car, work and go to school. Growing up really show’s you who your friends are. Vanessa is the only friend I ever stayed in contact with from Middle School in Arlington. And we are close, I love it. Anyways she picked me up after I was off work (11:30pm) we went to a club downtown called The Last Supper Club. This place reminded me of a rave and I didn’t like the feeling or vibe. Plus Vanessa had a really bad tummy ache and was hurting so I felt bad. I did get hit on, which was fun for me to be able so hold up my hand showing off a ring and say I’m taken. Guys are very, very interesting. The whole night I was just contently people watching. Seeing how different people interact. The drunken girls grinding on the half-massed drunk guys, knowing they’re getting some later. I just sat at a tiny table while Vanessa was dancing around and I just watched everyone. WILD! I ran into Kelly and Lindsey, some people I used to hang out with a lot. Kelly just turned 21 too so we all hung out for a little while, it was good to see him. I also ran into Dev, the dude that used to work at west 5. He smelled horrible and was having a hard time communicating so I just assumed he was out of his mind. So Vanessa wanted to go to the Noc Noc after the club closed at 2, I was already draggin ass as it was, I didn’t have enough energy to dance, which is what she wanted to do. Plus my phone was blowing up with foul capitalized insults from Jameson’s roommate Andrew who was upset that I told his girlfriend that she’s better than him and that she might consider…not dating him. I met her on St. Patty’s Day when Jameson and I went out after I got off work. I was so astounded when I found out that Andrew even had a girlfriend because he hit on my like no tomorrow. Anyways I was a little schwilled when I was talking to her about him so I probably deserved it. I don’t like the guy, and she seemed so sweet and cute. I don’t know. Anyways it blew up and 360’d in the span of the hour we where at Club Trinity. Jameson told me he had a talk with him and I have no idea what he said but out of no where Andrew starts actually blowing up my phone, and texting me and telling me he’s sorry, that Jameson told him the “truth” and to please let him talk to me and say sorry. WEIRD right? Ugh! So that is that. I’m letting it be, I’m too sensitive to have stupid drama in my life.

Anyways now for the update!
So I have my camera, it’s working (not like my last one) but it’s getting the job done. So that means I have PHOTOS!

Suzye left Monday for Australia! Randy, Suzye, Bekah, Nick and Ashley all came into my work on Saturday night and hung out till I got off work. I feel bad because Randy got the BBQ’d shrimp and it’s kinda expensive and you only get 5 shrimps. (sorry Randy) but when I got off we all went over to Nicks for a blankets-on-the-floor
house warming party! I was so tired (story of my life huh) so I was the first to fall asleep after Suzye and I took a bunch of web cam picture on Randy’s computer. So fun! Then in the morning we all went and got crepes. With the exception
or Nick who had to leave for work really early. Then Suzye and Randy dropped me off and gave me some culture to brew kombucha! I’m also babysitting her seedlings. [Three Brusselsprouts, two tomatoes, one calendula and one cumin.] All of them have started to sprout other than one tomato it’s so exciting! I can’t wait to have more living room and be able to have plants again.

I got to dissect a mouse in Biology. This was interesting for me because, being a vegetarian everyone expected me to be the last one to pick up the scalpel and scissors and dive in. But science is something that I’m into, curiosity took over and I was the first one to find the heart and all the organs. I’m also eccentric and had to take photos of the experience because I love documenting my days and experiences (no matter how vulgar) with my camera. So that’s that and I’m not ashamed. I did a GREAT job dissecting, and the pictures turned out cool too. hehe

So winter quarter is finally over! I can breathe a little and get my life back on track. I do have one other [math] final to take on Thursday so I’m not totally in the clear yet. And I don’t get too much of a break either because I start back up on the 16th. (EXACTLY one month till I see my baby!) And, also, Dean (one of the bartenders/owners of W5)is going out of town, so Quinn (his gf/another bartender at W5) is taking over his shifts, so that means I take her shifts on Wednesdays, so ill be working 5 nights a week (kinda a lot for the work/energy demand for a shift) but I am young and versatile and I can do anything. So that’s going to be from 3/23-4/28. I don’t mind the extra money either! I still haven’t signed up for my classes I think I’m going to take my ‘easy’ classes for spring quarter so I can have a smooth transition into summer. I also am leaving a few days before finals for Hawaii so I need to be able to take them early.

With Winter quarter being over, and I get to take a bit of a breather I can read the library books that I have had piling up. I’ve been reading the scary Vampire book called “Let the Right One In” (that’s now a movie I guess) for the past month and a half and I’m not even halfway done. So I need to finish that so I can start Ishmael and Another Roadside Attraction before they’re due back. I also have to Suzye-required readings “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle” and “The Real Food Revival”. Man I have a lot to read! Annnd I haven’t been working out as much as I need to. I’m paying $60 a month for the gym and I want to get as much out of it as possible. I got only, what? Three months, less? To get whipped into shape!

I got some freaking incredible packages from Kale. The first one came shortly after my birthday, A handcrafted ring from Africa,
made out of recycled telephone wires - in a box that he made, so artistic and detailed, the perfect birthday gift. The next package I got on Monday – a hat that he knit with his own hands, every thread woven with love,

and three mixed cd’s that I haven’t stopped listening to. I wish I could put them on my ipod! :( grr. Each cd has a different feel and all the songs are lovely and cute/romantic/sappy/corny/amazing. I am in love so deep. And everyday it plunges even deeper than before. I smile hard when I see his face on the computer, or my phone (yeah his face is my background image!)We are official on Facebook too how exciting!

I also got 2 letters from across the world. Lindsey wrote me from India!! Thank you so much girl. It means so much to me to get a little reminder that you think of me too! I miss you so much and I am so excited for you out there journeying through the world! I can’t wait to hear about all your adventure stories and hug you and never let you go!

Ok well I’ve made this post long enough, I feel like I caught you guys up on life in Sydney land. off to work! PEACE

2009-03-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah yeaah!

Got myself a notion.
One I know that you'll understand
Set the world in motion
By reaching out for each other's hands

Maybe we'll discover
What we should've known all along(Yeah)
One way or another
Together's where we both belong.

If we listen to each other's hearts.
We'll find we're never too far apart.
And maybe love is the reason why,
for the 1st time ever we're seeing it eye to eye.

If a wall should come between us
Too high to climb
too hard to break through
I know that love will lead us
And find a way to bring me to you

So don't be in a hurry
Think me b4 you count us out(ooh)
You don't have to worry
I won't ever let you down
(nothing's gonna stop us now)

If you're ever lonely.stop!
You don't have to be
After all this slowly
I'll be there for just you and me
Take a look inside and see

LIFE

2009-03-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

To get you caught up if only a little bit I’ll shout out the highlights. I think my last post was just a sorry attempt to run my mouth (or fingers I guess) about the state of humanity and how it’s distressing me. But due to impenetrable contentment I have a hard time complaining about things lately. So with that let me just say that everything is going SO GOOD.

Everything.

Work rules, I love it. I don’t even mind being tired all the time(getting off work anywhere from 9:30-12am). I even get a “shift drink” after I’m off work. [Normally this is a shot of Chartreuse] How cool is that. I am getting along with everyone. The only thing is that sometimes when someone is in a bad mood (not pertaining to myself or anything I did specifically) I tend to get irritated and reflect my co-workers sour, stressful attitude. I have to work on that. But if someone IS mad about something I did specifically I don’t get mad I get hurt and emotionally upset because I’m so god damn sensitive. But I’m doing my best everyday and I’m making so much more money than I was (only working 1 or 2 days a week) so my bank account is flourishing and I’m saving all of it. With the exception of buying a car on Thursday!

Tax return! It’s so exciting to get a tax return. Yesterday I went to deposit my paycheck and when I got my receipt with the balance on it I about screamed. I’m about $1120 richer than I was last week! Woohoo. (Now maybe, hopefully I’ll get a stimulus check in the mail soon?) So with this money I’m going to try and find a car. My step mom Cheryl’s ex step-son Ryan is going to a used car auction and invited me to come along to see if I can’t score a good car to help me save some time in my busy chaotic life. I am still going to bus to school and work because it’s easy… but it’s for all the in-between stuff, namely the Gym and running errands, where having a car would help a sista out. And let’s not forget being able to go see my amazing family when EVER I want. I am SO excited, I’m so sick of not being able to see them as often as I possibly can. It’s not right I need them, more of them!

Family- Bad news. My little sister Kyndall got in her first accident. Her brakes locked up on her when she had to slam on them because a gigantic truck decided to stop abruptly on a yellow. It had been snowing and she slid right into him. She wasn’t hurt too bad, but had burns on her forearms from the deployed air-bag and her sun roof flew off. She got her first ride in an ambulance too. Poor babes. Well luckily she was able to sell it for blue-book price on craigslist. So I’m keeping my eyes out for her at the car auction too. Phew.

New Camera-bad luck: So for my birthday mom surprised me with a new Samsung camera from RadioShack! I was so excited until I tried to start taking photos! I would be able to take photos as long as I didn’t change the settings, as soon as I would take the flash off or anything, the screen would freeze up, none on the buttons would work and in order to do anything at all I had to pop out the battery and then push the power on button a few times. No fun! So Mom, Max and I went to Costco to get me another Casio Exilim I found a green one!!!!! SO excited!!!!! Until I got it all set up went to work took pictures, seemed to be working ok; until I changed the setting to no flash and it did…get this…THE SAME THING AS THE SAMSUNG! What the HELL!? So I’m trying to work out the kinks with voodoo magic and positive energy, and sometimes it works and sometimes it freezes. I have 9- days to return it…so we shall see. Also! On the note of repelling technology my ipod has been fussy lately. I’ll have to push the pause button for an ungodly sum of time before it will shut off. And when I choose a song or artist it will all of a sudden default play ALO’s “how long has this been going on” not that I don’t like that song, but it comes on involuntarily when I blatantly selected something else quite frequently …why!

School rocks. I am scooting along nicely. Winter quarter’s coming to a close and it’s about time for me to sign up for Spring classes but I am a little panicky because I leave for Hawaii a week before the end of the quarter and that will most likely put a damper on my finals week. So I have to do some figuring out quick. I am getting pretty good grades though, nothing is stressing me out. I feel like we’re being crammed in BIO because we’ve blasted through 5 chapters in the last week and 2 days. But I find it all very interesting and exciting so it’s not too unbearable. We had a two hour lab today and have a test on Friday and a final next Friday. I’m very nervous, but luckily I have an amazing study buddy who happens to be quite acquainted with Biology. And he’s really cute and says sweet things too. SCORE.

I have missed out on going to the gym all last week because I was so busy. Transportation to and from the gym is retarded and it has been snowing and frigid out and I really don’t want to risk getting stuck in that busless vortex in the cold and risk being late for work. So I’m sure I’ll be able to pick up the slack when I get a break between quarters and if I get a car soon. :)

Mom and I have been getting along alright. I just have to try extra hard not to get annoyed with her or pissed off. We did a fashion show with some other friends of Camille’s (my friend who owns a designer boutique in the junction) I was so freaking tired but I pulled through. All the clothes I had to model where NOTHING I would wear in real life, so I was sort of uncomfortable but I rocked on through it, wine drunk and in high heels, go me! So that was neat, and I got to meet a lot more West Seattlites and be social.

The only thing I’m left with for this update, bringing you all up to speed, is my irrevocably exploding heart. Love is ripe in the spring air you guys. I received the most heart stopping, jaw dropping unbelievable birthday gift in the mail yesterday from Kale. It took a while to come and for a second I lost hope that it was going to show up at all but now I have it and let me just say that I am the happiest girl in the world! Never has anyone put so much love in an envelope before. I won’t boast too much about it all because I don’t want to crow about how I’ve found the Holy Grail and this and that and that sappy crappy corny love stuff. I’m very inspired and so alive. I feel so good about the future and am so excited I got MY man. Ok. So there’s that.

HAVE A GOOD WEEEK!

Picture Post

2009-03-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

ok i've been working on this little by little all last week and just finished it today.
I have alot to update but I'm diving into my homework for now. maybe later.

love you all!

A picture of you in your room

A picture with someone you don't actually like.

thanks b:)lol

A picture on your birthday.

The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.

A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits

A picture of you making a goofy face.

A picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.

A picture of a night you regret.

Why?!

That’s why

A picture of you truly being yourself.

The most recent picture of you.

A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

A picture of you showing off your new hair cut/color.

dreadgernerationnumerouno

A picture of a time in your life that's over & you wish wasn't.

:( she's grown up now...(in case you wondered why i chose this pic)
See?
A picture of a time in your life that's over & you couldn't be more thankful.

A picture of you when you were anything but happy

(i have a habbit of taking pictures of myself during breakdowns...)

A picture that you had no idea was being taken.

A picture of when you were a different person than you are now.

A picture of you with someone you love.

Sassy

A picture of how you'd like the world to see you.

Dirty

A picture of a time when everything was changing.

:)

An effort at least.

2009-03-03T15:07:00.000-08:00

So since something in cyberspace gobbled up my long rant-ish comment to Randy’s “Cement jungle” blog post last night (or maybe I was severely distracted and never posted it…that could very well be) anyway I ranted and it felt good. I love reading about people being disgusted by what is going on around us. People who recognize we are all slaves to corporations, that we are being manipulated and lied to –people who just know in their heart of hearts that that isn’t was life is about and happiness is so much more simple and far less materialistic refresh me and remind me that I’m not alone in my revulsion for society and ambition to someday immerse myself in a culture (either find one or create one) of like-minded people who shun such a society which consumption has to be artificially stimulated (people and products manipulated, brainwashed etc) in order to keep production going [growing], a society where it’s values lead us to pursue false solutions that only end up making problems worse, a society that is so preoccupied with money-oriented growth that it diminishes security and distorts the wholesome enjoyment and even the very meaning of life!
Now, I’m not claiming to know what the meaning of life is. I’m just saying that I don’t think that this is it. We went wrong somewhere. And now it’s seemingly hopeless (and more and more so as time goes by) It’s depressing. I am claiming, however, that our potential as humans has got to extend far beyond all of this –constant strive to grow bigger get richer, produce more and find more ways to manipulate the masses. The answer (to me at least) seems incredibly straightforward when you put it this context: dismantle a bit and focus not on expansion but instead on just living, simply living on the Earth. Weird, huh?

I have more to say, much much more... but I’m strapped for time, distracted, too happy to be pissed off about it, not in the mindet to vent... and gotta run if I’m gunna make it to the gym, work out, and shower before trying to bus to work by 5:30(the gym is in a bad area for bussers : ().
Ah I can’t wait to playlivelovegardenprosper our community that shuns superficial happiness. Life is SO great you guys…---hey we didnt get hit by an asteroid.... yeah an ASTEROID!

Wish me luck on winning the lotto!!I got two tickets the other night- I’m up on my luck, in high spirits, in love and I’m oh so prosperous!

peace

"The best is yet to come"

2009-03-01T10:10:00.000-08:00

So I blew up this morning. Completely LOST it on mom. Fault being a: pms and b: a psychological, mind block. c: having no capacity to submit after I’ve lost the battle and d: the leaning tower of dishes in the sink. Just give up and shut up (even though I know she’s wrong and I’m right…mom’s just better at arguing than I am) –I always get so pissed off that I can’t hold up a good argument, I’m just too busy taking everything personally and getting defensive. Then later when I’m cooling off by myself with my face shoved in my tear-soaked pillow I think of understandable intelligible things that I could have said to maybe prove my point a little more maturely and productively. But today I cracked and instead of thinking of things I coulda shoulda woulda’s I just came undone (in as good of a way as possible). After mom said what she had to say and I was too upset to yell back so I threw a banana on the ground and went to Jades room (I don’t like to call it my bedroom). My eyes and lips swollen from blubbering, I cried into my pillow a little while longer, dragging it out by thinking of a bunch of other non-related sad things --since I already started I might as well get a good full cry session in. (therapeutic)

Long story short, I did the dishes! After they’ve been sitting and multiplying by the day in the sink…my frustration and anger every time I look at them and think about how much it bothers me and a light rage severe anger consumes me and the LAST thing I would think of doing is cave in and wave a white flag, especially if she pulls the “I do dishes 8 out of 10 times”. It’s here that I automatically question MY sanity; do I hallucinate cleaning the kitchen every other day? Am I blocking out ever having seen her rinse a dish and put it in the dishwasher? And then I had an epiphany. I can just take solace in knowing, and believing that I’m right. And there’s no sense in trying to fight an impossible war, screaming at the deaf. So instead of stomping off throwing a banana after arguing… deciding to get over-the-top pissed. I will just bow down smile and wave the flag. I came out of my room, smoked a bowl on the porch with the cat, plugged my ipod into moms new sound system she bought yesterday at Radio Shack (along with a new camera to replace mine that broke after New Years…) I blasted Sublime, put some water on the stove to boil and got going… took SO long and I cried and winced the whole time. I poured the boiling water into my tea-steeper and opened the cupboard for a coffee mug. There was only one clean cup and it was shoved in the corner of the top shelf. I pulled it down and put it on the counter and when I was pouring my tea I read the cup and laughed out loud.

Every little thing is gunna be alright. Today surprised me, in a good way.
I understand that this might not make much sense, but that's okay I feel good. Point-of-post being, I grew up a little today and shed some old skin. so that's that.

...breathe out.

I'm twenty one

2009-02-27T12:04:00.001-08:00

(fyi: i started this post on friday and couldnt finish..so ...it might be confusing.. I don't know...)I’m finally 21! I apologize in advance for the lack-luster of this post. I’ll do my best to put forward all the energy I can possibly muster (yes, I do have a proper hangover). So here it is:
Bekah came over Wednesday after breaking up with the guy she’s been seeing. (I know it’s hard babe, but you did the right thing!) So that was cool, and she proposed that we go to the Admiral Theatre to see Twilight (again). Of course I was super stoked and we wandered up the road and got WAY too much popcorn and soda, we both had to pee so badly during the movie, and I have a junk food tummy ache. After the giggling and gasping like the geeks that we are through the whole movie, it was 11pm by the time we got out, one hour before I’m legal. So I went next door to the 7-11 and bought a bottle of wine, and got carded…had a phantom tingle of anxiety and excitement as I showed him my ID! With an hour left of being 20 I purchased alcohol! Hehe. I ran into three of the girls that I used to work with at Luna Park Café in the parking lot, they were in a car and when she rolled down the window I saw she was rolling a b and when I asked what they were up to she said, “smoking a blunt and going through the car wash.” I found that so amusing for some reason. That’s SUCH a great, innovative idea! Haha

So when we got home with our cheap (but legally bought) bottle o’ wine mom, Bekah and I had a toast. Bekah and I snuggled into bed and we tried to keep our eyes open long enough to watch “In to the Wild” but I couldn’t stay awake. I missed my English class in the morning because I was too tired (I missed it again today too. naturally) but we made it on the Southcenter bus just barely! That was nice to have Bekah there for the official “Happy birthday” I love you girl! OOOOH she drew me the most amazing picture ever, it’s a pic of me in a bikini top and I look damn good! Heh.

Well school was fairly painless. When I was bussing home after trying to write a paper for 2 hours I got off early so I could go to the post office and drop off something special for someone special, there was a VERY pissed off man in there trying to mail A TON of shit and he was yelling at the Asian woman behind the counter trying to understand the postal service system, and failing to miserably. There was also a very perturbed woman yelling at someone frantically in the back of the post office too. So finally I got up to the counter mailed me package and ran out the door just to see my bus drive past me. So I walked front eh Alaska Junction all the way to my house carrying all my bags and books and wah wah wah. So I got all cleaned up and ready for work, watched a little Bill Hicks And then off I went. It was SUPER busy in there, but a good shift all together. At about 7:45 Dave (one of the owners) Sounded an alarm that scared the buhjesus out of me and probably everyone else in the bar. The first thing I thought was that this is an air raid drill and I had no idea we even had an alarm system in this place! Then I look over and Dave’s holding a megaphone to his mouth and says, “I’d like everyone to say happy birthday to Sydney, she’s finally 21!” and Mikey poured everyone on shift a shot of Jim Beam (Quinn helped me decide what drink to choose by telling me that “if I wanna be a ‘bad bitch’ to choose JB”) so I did, and it was SO COOL , it was a cheers of about 10-12 people all saying happy birthday to me! Like I said, I love my job. So mom came and met me when she was on her way home from work and I got to clock out and go sit at the bar for a legal drink. My first one was a DIRTY vodka martini, and it was delicious! Next I paced myself with a cup of water cause mom had hardly drank any of her margarita (because she was talking to a man who was hitting on her :( as usual when she comes in to the bar) ANY way finally after sitting alone for a while Mikey just took it upon himself to start shellin’ out the drinkys for me (possibly cause he sensed my boredom?) so I had an “Otterpop” which is a bunch of different fruity vodkas and some orange juice. Then I had the next drink that I have been drooling over since I started working there.. a bloody mary!! Mikey made me THE BEST bloody marry I have EVER HAD! Those will be habit forming I know it! Anyways I finally got tired of sitting there while mom flirted with this dude, so I called my man and talked about my exciting day. Then my friend Rose (who also works at W5) and her husband came in and sat next to me. So I got to have my first bar conversation! We talked about ‘lifeboat ethics’ and ska and reggae and ska music and this and that. I was trying my hardest not to turn my head too far see what was going n with mom and dude. I was doing ok until Mikey was like, “no making out at the bar!” grreeeaat mom.

Anyways let’s not talk about that any more. So it’s Saturday now. I am finishing a post that I started at school yesterday, but I had to go to math and when I came back to finish the internet was down so now I’m at the library. I woke up after sleeping WAY in finally. (It was a tiring week) I ignored the dishes mom has been piling up (grr) and grabbed my stuff and wet to the gym. It was nice and relaxing. So I have about two hrs to kill before heading to work…and I really want to write more but this key board really sucks and I have to re-type letters and that is annoying. Hope every one is happy and has a GREAT weekend! Much love.

Happy Weekend, and mental health day Monday!

2009-02-24T20:54:00.000-08:00

Howdy bloggers! Well I survived my first week working 4 nights a week at the bar, waking up for school (almost everyday) turning in all my assignments (mostly) and made it to the gym 3 days! Working weekends is quite a alternate universe than working weekdays, so much more work…but that just makes time fly by. I love my job; I am so lucky to have landed this! It’s perfect for being a full-time student and SO easy to bus to and from. Not to mention the awesome people I work with and how I have so much fun and sometimes forget that I’m even getting paid to socialize and pour water for people and clean glasses and clear tables and…okay well it doesn’t SEEM like work. Haha. Saturday after work somehow my texts just stopped working.. I could send them but it wasn’t until late last night that I had a flood of text messages from through the weekend including important ones from Bekah concerning our plans… But we learned out lesson didn’t we B? So unfortunately Bekah couldn’t make it to Olympia with me on Sunday… It’s SO hard to bus to oly on Sunday io found out the hard way when I was stranded at the 512 park and ride with no sign of an Olympia bound bus for 2 + hours. Luckily I have amazing friends and they drove all the way up to pick me up. I even got to chat with Kale for a little while before he left Anchorage so really, the wait was very pleasant. Suzye even had a hot (scalding) thermos full of tea waiting for me when they got there! (which I poured down my chin/cleavage/torso) OUCH! What a Sydney move though, are you surprised? Didn’t think so…lol.

Well, when we got back to their house I opened Awesomely wrapped gifts from Randy and Suzye!! Randy wrote me a birthday poem and it was decorated with amusing vice clippings. First I opened the gift wrapped with naked-people-jumping-on-trampolines. It was a book of post-cards with art by Franco Accornero called “Unbridled Passion”. Can’t WAIT to use those. Next I opened Randy’s cute little box Garnished with some pungent greenery. Inside
was the coolest necklace I’ve ever seen! I honestly swear that I saw it, or something similar, once upon a time in a magazine and yearned for it deeply. Thank you! I got SO MANY compliments on it tonight at work! And Suzye also gifted me a jar of her AMAZING blackberry Jam!! SO FLIPPING FRIGGIN GOOD GIRL! Thank you both SO MUCH for being SO AMAZING!! They also dished me up the dankest homemade cheesecake with a candle, they sang, I closed my eyes and made a wish then blew it out! So my wish is going to come true (In June)!

Nick got there and we all ventured off to get some grub at a cool little place downtown, then went to a bunch of cute little shops (having lived in oly for 4 months I hadn’t ever gone downtown besides for the street fair thing) we came home and picked up Jeremy and Chris and we had some sake-bombs and left to go bowling. After waiting for about an hour we finally got one lane to share between 6 people…gutter ball city!!! After one game Suzye and I gave up and let the boys play another game while we went and gossiped in the car. Needless to say I didn’t make my last Tacoma-bound bus and had to stay the night. We watched freaks n geeks and veg’d out on jelly beans and pasta & passed out. In the morning Su made me oatmeal and we watched freaks and geeks some more till randy got home and we watched TPB. Nick was heading up to Gig Harbor so I hitched a ride with him to Tacoma where my bro picked me up. We went to his house and played Guitar HeroII till my arms and fingers where numb then we brought my tired ass home. He gave me my OLD box of photos that I haven’t seen in a WHILE! I love looking at old pics. I’ show you some good ones. One is Suzye and I 4 or 5 years ago when we had a Valentines Day get together at her house. One is Suzye and Randy outside of neighborhood market when Suzye and I lived in the 6th and Anderson house she’d go visit him on smoke breaks. Cuties. Then there’s one of me with my long hair shortly after my mom combed my first generation of dreads out….

Okay, well there it is! In as much detail as I can muster for now. I have a bunch of house chores to do and then I’m heading to bed. I got let out of work early today because it was DEAD! On Thursday (my actual b-day) I get to stick around after I get off work and have a drink AT THE BAR! How cool is that? I am a little disappointed though… I always thought that my 21st would be SO INSANE. But I’m not doing anything at all, working and having one, maybe two, drinks and then going home and sleeping to wake up for school on Friday. Then I work Friday and Saturday, and then hopefully can arrange something for Saturday night!? Ashley said she wants to buy me a drink so it looks like it’s her n’ me ringing in the big official “@-the-bar 2-1!!” That’ll be cool. Su and Randy you guy should come if you want!!?

Do I look twenty one!?
Okay I’m out!
Much love!

Take a deep breath.

2009-02-20T09:54:00.001-08:00

Yesterday’s mucky muck was revamped tenfold just in the nick of time. Just as I was about to lose all hope for reviving of any sort of tolerable mood before going to work Kale saved the day! It’s so refreshing to know I have such amazing people in my life who build me up when everything else seems to be breaking me down. Suzye even called me after work and I got to vent to her and Randy about the callous task of shaking off sticky situations and cleaning up infuriating messes. She in turn got to vent about her latest stalker incident, (so not right girl, I’m so sorry –start leaving the house in a different disguise every day!) Our venting turned into amplified excitement and sheer joy for life, love and our Sunday reunions. We revelated the idea that red wine is the ultimate study buddy (and you know you haven’t had enough until your mouth is engulfed in various shades of purple!)
The bar was so busy last night! It reminded me of my first day working when the West Seattle Street Fair was in full swing on a Saturday and there was no less than a 10 party long wait list for five hours straight! I was continuously thanking my lucky stars for the last minute intervention/pep- talk from Mr. Perfect because the shift would have been hell for all parties involved, I dare not even imagine! Instead of emanating a bitter attitude I had the happy love buzz mind-set that didn’t even break its stride when a pint glass shattered in my hand in the ‘coldie fridge’. Best believe I had a smile on my face as Nacario (one of the line cooks) helped put bandages on my bloody fingers!

I tried to peal my eyes apart long enough to poop out an acceptable paper that was due at 8am this morning. Most of it I wrote at school yesterday and was pretty satisfied with the shape it was taking. I was so exhausted, starving and had no red wine to help me take on the fiasco with an open mind (or open eyes). I will fix it and draft it over the next few days so I can be ready to trade in when my instructor returns it to me with red question marks and exclamation points all over it and little notes in the margin saying, “it’s obvious you pulled this conclusion out of your ass, it makes no sense, where did the unicorns come from?!” haha. Oh well. One thing I didn’t get done is my rewrite of my thesis… but that is an assignment I refuse to pull out of my ass. So ill finish that before work beckons today and E-mail it to him with an explanation along the lines of “silly me I forgot this on my printer before I left for school this morning, here it is have a great weekend!”
So tomorrow morning I’m helping my brother out driving his car back to his place from the shop. We have to do it early so I can be back in West Seattle by 1:45pm to work at Camilles for her while she goes to work at the mission, and then Mom has to come take over for me for the last hour because Camille’s closes at 5 and I have to be to work (a block away) at 4.

I’m excited to be working weekends because I get to see even more crazy people out on the town on their weekends getting wasted and partying. People say the damndest things, I’m going to start quoting people and writing Memoirs of a Hostess at West 5. I can see myself coming to superlative insight on social/psychological behaviors, and having epiphanic revelations to inspire writings and ideas that will make me famous.

Well in other(bizarre) news:
I was reading the morning news and stopped on this headline: Prison inmate attempts to amputate his penis…..eek!
TTFN

Yuck

2009-02-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

I feel sorry for anybody who comes in contact with me today, for I am NOT radiating anything good or positive. Maybe in the slightest but I have a foul attitude emanating from me and no matter what I do I can’t crawl out of this ditch that is my state of mind today.

After getting (barely) two hours of sleep, I missed my bus –missed my first class. Not only do I have my Finalized thesis due tomorrow for my final winter quarter assignment for ENG102 I also Have a five page Argument analysis due on Garrett Hardin’s “Lifeboat Ethics” essay. When I had my student-Teacher meeting about the thesis and outline I decided on a couple of weeks ago, he proved my topic and idea’s to be far too vague to be able to argue in a persuasive proposal paper {on an innovative idea to help the economic crisis}. He redirected my focus from a broad jab at answering bits of each economic hitch going on to one simple one “Recycling incentive”. I now have to throw away my 70+ hr research and writing on the old outline and thesis development and switch to an entirely new perspective; meaning 70+ hrs of research jammed into about an hour or so to be able to turn in tomorrow. I have to work at 5 today, and possibly not sleep a wink tonight writing my paper(s) –following my rally, I’ll be working Friday at 4 and then Saturday from 2 to 4 at Camille’s and then from 4 to midnight at the bar. Sunday I’m going to strip naked and run to the shore of Alki Beach and offer my mortal soul to the gods and elements. (or just jump off the pier and paddle back to shore, body-numb)

madness:
Why I could have just NOT answered the call is beyond me. That’s what happens when a call wakes me up out of a dead sleep. I answer it without even opening my eyes, and saying hello. Why he feels the need to call me in the middle of the night to belittle me, trying his damnedest to get any variety of attention is beyond me. And the fact that I’m PMSing, this is the third time he’s called me this WEEK in the middle of the night for bullshit reason, and the detached humor he uses attempting to make me feel wretched doesn’t help me shrug off his nuisance and stupidity. I don’t feel sorry, instead get so pissed I blow a fuse, come completely undone and wreak havoc. At one thirty in the damn morning I’m sitting up in bed screaming into my cell phone at the top of my lungs. I guess I shouldn’t have tip-toed around hurting him too much. I should have just laid it out for him in the beginning.
I guess this IS entirely my fault. But the fact that he is thoughtless enough to think that calling me repeatedly to tell me I did something wrong and that I’m a horrible person and, “what did I ever do to you?” and switching-- (faster than my disorderly, sleepy intellect can follow, having been woke to a battle that crept up and exploded right in my face, I had no time to prepare, I had no ammo nor armor) --from a sad, injured victim –to a horrendous bully trying to break my stride, holding everything he possible can think of over my head.
NOTE: I’m a warrior and if you know me you know I won’t stand for being affronted in any form especially from this person, this long down the line. There are only so many ways you can relay one simple message. You can make it hard, or you can make it really easy. It has been long and drawn out in so many directions that I can’t take it anymore. I anticipated it all to be much less grotesque of an ordeal.

I digress...

When I take two steps back and look at it in its entirety, I AM just severely defensive of myself, of my decision and choice especially when it comes to a life that is my own and a heart that has a mind of ITS own. There are no easy answers for questions of a wrecked accord (let alone a broken heart). I AM sorry it wasn’t all you hoped it would be; I’m sorry you’re hurting and feel that taking jabs at me will help you feel better. As bad as a broken heart feels, being the one to break it isn’t exactly a bed of roses. Distressing me with the despair and misery you feel with these confused, fucked up techniques have only driven me further away deterring me from wanting anything close to a friendship.

I am only human.

My head feels like its being crushed in a vice-grip. I thought getting this out would make me feel better, at least a little bit. But alas… words fail me in my plight to put some method to madness.

Shake it off girl.

Sasquatch 09' Line-up

2009-02-17T09:25:00.000-08:00

On sale Saturday February 28 at 10AM

Music line-up includes Jane's Addiction (feat. all four original members), Kings of Leon, Nine Inch Nails, Ben Harper & Relentless7, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Erykah Badu, The Decemberists, Fleet Foxes, TV On The Radio, Animal Collective, Silversun Pickups, Bon Iver, Santigold, Of Montreal, Explosions In The Sky, Devotchka, Peter Bjorn & John, Gogol Bordello, M. Ward, The Avett Brothers, Doves, Calexico, Grizzly Bear, M83, Girl Talk, The Gaslight Anthem, The Walkmen, Chromeo (dj set), Deadmau5, Mugison, Sun Kil Moon, Airborne Toxic Event, Blitzen Trapper, Shearwater, BLK JKS, The Wrens, Tobacco, Monotonix, King Khan & The Shrines, St. Vincent, Passion Pit, John Vanderslice, Bishop Allen, Blind Pilot, AA Bondy, Black Moth Super Rainbow, The Knux, Ra Ra Riot, The Dodos, Beach House, Arthur & Yu, The Submarines, Owl City, Viva Voce, James Pants, Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band, The Builders & The Butchers, The Dutchess & The Duke, Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, Dent May & His Magnificent Ukelele, Fences, School of Seven Bells, Death Vessel, Horse Feathers, Hockey, Point Juncture, WA, The Pica Beats, Loch Lomond, Vince Mira & more to come.

Comedy line up includes Zach Galifiankas, Demetri Martin, Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job, Todd Barry, Jon Benjamin, God's Pottery, People's Republic of Komedy & more.

Ummmm Hello, Explosions in the Sky, Peter Bjorn & John, Gogol Bordello!!!Erykah Badu, Fleet Foxes! Santigold,Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Demetri Martin.. Am I going to have to go to Sasquatch?? Oh please no.

This and That

2009-02-16T12:06:00.000-08:00

I had some wild dreams last night. It’s progress to even be able to say that much. I’m loosing more and more as the seconds pass, but that’s a lot of seconds that have past since opening my eyes. So all I’m left with now are bits and pieces of gorgeous landscapes and friends and family. There was a point that I was in a fight with some one, an actual physical brawl. I was using everything I had (finger nails, elbows, knees) and nothing would work, he pulled out a needle and thread from his pocket ( and from this point my perspective changed from mine to someone watching us) As a bystander I really wanted to do something, as much sense as that makes…but c’mon it’s a dream, I saw the boy with the needle and thread and his stance and new that he was going to sew me!! When he did, the needle went in through my wrist and out through my forearm. I didn’t feel it because I was watching this from afar, but I immediately felt sorry for myself and started helping. I knew that my powers where useless against this boy but as soon and I shoved myself out of the way so that I could take him on. As I did, he seemed powerless and weakened under my hold, and I felt sorry for him and curious as to why he was after me. He didn’t speak my language, so I just held his limp body as he murmured meaningless sentences. I realized that he had thread strung up the length of his arms. I carefully pulled out the thread and he left. And I went and did the same for my arm; I could feel the thread coming out even though I was still in the third person. And that’s all I remember from that dream. I think all this was going on in a gym, very similar to the elementary school I went to (Alki). I had another dream where my hole family was involved, we were on a vacation but something went terribly wrong and I think that we were being held hostage. Ahhh I can see clips of visuals in my memory but nothing that has enough substance to be able to write about in much detail.
I’m always woken up in the middle of a dream by my alarm and I immediately have to open my eyes to turn it off. The weekends when I don’t have to be woken up by an alarm are my only chance! But the past few mornings mom has come barreling in to wake me up with tea and plans for the morning. Haha. I’m going to master dreamland soon enough. I have a book that I’ll start reading, to learn the ancient Indian tricks of controlling your dreams. I’m excited to see how it goes. I do remember a time when I was at Camp White for the summer, I was dreaming in my trailer when I stopped and said to myself (in my dream) “hey I’m dreaming right now, Dad said to try and realize I’m dreaming and if I can look at my palm!” So I looked at my palm and started walking around dreamland with my hand in front of my face. I was on top of a lighthouse high up in the clouds, it was completely silent other than the seagulls and the sound of the ocean. And I was in complete control of every step and movement. I think what happened is I walked right off the lighthouse because I couldn’t see (with my hand in front of my face and with the clouds thick and white all around me). It was the most incredible feeling though. To be able to do anything you want, see anything you want to and have the personal power to direct where you go, who you are with, and what you do. I’ll keep you updated in my expedition to having a dream life. It’s a big deal because starting Tuesday (tomorrow) I’m going to be operating much like a machine.

My new schedule will be like so:

Monday—wake up @ 6am bus leaves @ 7am school starts @ 8am leave school at 2pm (or stay longer to do home work and study) no work on Mondays! So I have Monday evenings to myself
Tuesday—Same, wake up and leave by 7 to be @ school by 8am school it up till 2 bus home by 3 and yoga till 4:30. Shower and leave for the bus by 5:18 work from 5:30 till it’s dead (usually between 10:30-12) come home and crash.
Wednesday—School again (lets just say 7-2) or stay longer and work on studious ventures until 4. No work on Wednesday unless Quinn wants me to take her shift as she’s been fond of doing lately, and I view it both as me doing her a favor and her doing me one. So either yoga with Elise Gulan on ExerciseTV on On Demand, or skate to the gym and do the yoga classes and then sit in the amazing steam room’s and sauna’s.
Thursday—School (7-2) bus home by 3 do whatever I can before 5, leave for the bus at 5:18 work from 5:30 till whenever I get to leave, Bus home and crashhhh.
Friday—School (7-2) (basically the same as Thursday except instead of starting at 5:30 I start at 4pm…) Since I don’t have school on Saturday I might be able to do some socializing Friday’s after work if the opportunity arises! Weehoo!
Saturday—SLEEP IN and work on reiterating my dreams into my dream journal, hopefully being able to control them and fully retain all the amazing events! Do whatever living life I can do until I have to work at 4. Usually for until 11:30 or 12 on Saturday’s then come home and do whatever I feel like doing because I DON’T have shit to do on Sundays!
Sunday--(These are usually going to be mine and Bekahs’ Olympia day trips to see Suzye, Nick and Randy, bus down in the morning and bus back in the evening :) )
Monday, again—school (7-2) homework or whatever I need to do because I don’t have to work Monday’s!! So after spring quarter this will mean that my Actual weekend will be Sunday-Monday.

I am getting Great grades this quarter, and plan to do the same thing next quarter. Fall quarter was pretty funky because I had to get into the swing of school again. So my unofficial online transcript looks horrid… Because I did attempt to go to South Seattle Community College Spring of 06 but ended up getting NC in American Government and a 1.6 in Creative Writing (That astounds me because I only went for half the quarter) I don’t even know what my transcript from Highline looks like, because I went for a half quarter there too, but then got in my car accident and life took an unexpected turn so I most likely have some 0’s and NC’s there too, no bueno. And unfortunately last quarter my silly Math lab instructor gave me 0.0 because he has no communication skills whatsoever. And I got a 2.6 in English 101 last quarter where I was so sure I wouldn’t/couldn’t get lower that a 3.0. Well I’m all geared up and ready to kick ass from now on. Hopefully by the Time I get my transfer all this University nonsense will be blown over so I actually have a chance to get in. I have some idea’s in mind, but Mom’s saying so doesn’t want me to take out one single loan for my entire academic career… we’ll see how that goes. I’m leaning toward photojournalism mostly and also the more I stimulate and exercise my Environmental studies mind I’m leaning more toward a jumbled mix of everything. Haha. I’m excited about the future though. SO EXCITED!

Well there’s you Presidents day ramble from yours truly. I hope everyone’s enjoying the holiday break (if in-fact you do have today off)

Much love!

Ramble (don't waste your time)

2009-02-12T11:58:00.001-08:00

So today is Thursday already. My how fast the time goes! I’m not working at the bar tonight because I agreed to watch little Eric (My friend’s Ashley and Matt’s baby boy). I haven’t babysat him in a pretty long time, so this should be interesting. I’m kind of nervous to tell you the truth. Eep.

News: There’s a movement to get a produce co-operative going in Delridge which is really exciting! I really like West Seattle and a food Co-op would be icing on the cake! The only co-ops around as of now (that I’m aware of) are in Bellingham or farther north or south than what is painless to get to via bus. We do have a PCC and Metropolitan Market here in West Seattle, on the same street that I live on. We also have the Sunday farmers market too but the produce is limited and I always have to end up paying out the freaking ass to buy fresh produce from the Markets. SO –I am really rooting for this to come through!

Also, Tony’s Produce stand just opened in South Seattle, it takes 2 buses to get there but I’m pretty excited that it’s open again and they have really low prices (ooh how stimulating). It’s also open 7 days a week so I don’t have to wait (and sometimes miss) the Sunday farmers market. Rock on!

Exciting Stranger Valentine issue came out yesteday! There are so many good ones in there! I put in some personal love notes to my 3 main squeezes in. <3 (There’s a valentine in there for SNUGGIES Suzye!) ah haha!

This is officially my last weekend of not having to work. I mean it this time. My new schedule starts Tuesday the 16th and I will officially be full time and start getting MONEY FINALLY! I also get benefits, hell yes! I called the W2 hotline and requested my WSPTA w2 that never came :( the nice lady said that it would take 10 – 15 days to get to me… Is there a deadline to fill out your tax return docs?? I usually use turbotax.

I’ve been doing yoga everyday with Comcast Exercise TV. My hips are very sore (but I’m thinking that could also be from last weekend’s drunken debacle). I’ve been blasting all the awesome music on my new ipod everywhere I go, and doc it to my ihome whenever I’m not out and about. Randy gave me a bunch of awesome music from his itunes and organized the confused content and took out music I wouldn’t ever listen to. My favorite band that he shared with me so far is, “Explosions in the Sky” I’ve been listening to it every night.

Story Time:
I bused to Tacoma to visit Dan last night and got severely turned around on the buses, and ended up getting on the 592 to Lakewood instead of the 594 to Tacoma so I was on the bus for a good three hours before I got to 10th and Commerce in Tacoma, and then When I did I ran after the 1 bus that would take me up 6th ave to Dan’s place and he just started pulling away when I reached the bus doors, but to my relief there was a red light so I peered through the window and asked to board and he shook his stupid finger at me!!!! So I had to wait in the stinkiest spot for a half hour while I waited for the other bus to roll by, and I ran into Sean Salsbury (it seems that whenever I’m in Tacoma I run into him) he was with two girls (ten and fourteen year olds) and he had just gotten released from jail for getting arrested for an outstanding warrant for an MIP that he never took care of. So they where smoking a very large blunt and I was pretty uncomfortable with pretty much everything around me. The fourteen year old solicited a passerby to buy her booze from the slutty little corner market, I tucked myself in a corner and pretended to talk to someone on my phone. The bus ended up being around 10 minutes later than it was scheduled, in that time a white van stopped in the middle of the road, a man got out, left the van running and started walking straight toward me.. I tried my hardest not to make I contact and over exaggerate the depth of my fake phone conversation but he stopped right in front of me and I couldn’t NOT look up at him, there was nothing I could do at these point (short of running away). Standing in front of me was a GIGANTIC black man wearing a tattered Chicago Bulls sweatshirt and bright blue prison pants. He had his dirty hand stretched toward mine at in my pocket and (here comes the pickup line scenario of the year)

Hi I’m Mike and I noticed you standing here and I had to take a
chance. What’s your name?

Sydney.

Do you have room for a friend in your life Sydney? I don’t usually
dress like this, I’m workin’ right now so…

Not really Mike, I’m flattered --but I have a boyfriend sorry.

Nothing serious, just take this and call me whenever you get lonely.

(Hands me his personal roof cleaning card)

I noticed the three-car-one-bus pile up his van was causing. So I bid a due. And fled the scene -- the bus was the 1 I was waiting for. So I’m finally on the right bus, it’s now about 7:30 and I realize I’m only going to have about 2 hours (if that) to converse with Dan about the meaning of life and why humans suck so bad and what possible ways there are to overcome the ecologic crisis and solve the plundering epidemic and so on and so forth. So I get there... And Dan and I are having an awesomely stimulating conversation (Dan knows a lot of cool tricks of the hippie underground trade) I was learning and we were passionately debating! --and all of a sudden Joseph was at the door. What the hell? What did I do to karmatically deserve this series of unfortunate events? When I was waiting for the right bus to pick me up and the Lakewood transit center to take me back to Tacoma I had let this man use my phone to call his ride, and I counseled him on what bus he should take to get him where he needed to be! That constitutes as good Karma, right?! And I reflected hard on that because whenever anyone approaches me on the street asking to use my phone I usually say no, because a while ago my friend Andrew got asked the same request and when he handed it over the person took off! So there we are --the uncomfortable air so thick with tension I could barely breathe. After his insulting remarks last weekend, we left off on a pretty sour note and I could have gone a while without having to face him. Ugh. So I left. I thought it best to get a move on a little early anyway so I would be sure to make it home while buses still ran for a few more hours, just in case I got on the wrong bus, fell into the Bermuda Triangle or got abducted by a man in a white unmarked van. I made it downtown just in the nick of time to catch the very last Seattle-bound bus (yes!) but by the time we made it to downtown I had barely missed the west Seattle-bound bus and would now have to wait 33 minutes for the next one. I had to pee SO badly I was jogging up and down the street snapping my fingers texting Bekah and trying to hum a song I didn’t know. I’m sure people thought I was cracked out of my mind and I was seriously, truly worried that I would piss myself. I scoped out a little cubby hole in which I could crouch in and pee, possibly without being seen, but by the time I actually got up the courage someone sat down 5 ft away from it.. So I squeezed my legs together and doodled love messages on the bus stop with my new paint markers and finally the bus pulled up. I had one more bus to catch when I got over the West Seattle Bridge I had to hold it even longer. When I finally got off the bus by my apartment I flew up the three flights of stairs in about 4 glides. The door was jammed with a towel (mom likes to do that to keep the cold air from coming in) I almost started leaking but she came to my rescue, pulling the towel from the door just in the knick of time and I dropped all my things and peed the longest pee in history. THE END!

(haha)

What a Weekend!

2009-02-09T09:48:00.001-08:00

Oh good morning world. It’s sunny and bright outside, and a thin sparkly, white layer everywhere(yes more friggin SNOW). I Had a great weekend (all things considered). Suzye got axed from her job setting up stage for Avenged Sevenfold at Rhino so Bekah and I went with her and Randy to Portland for Nessa’s birthday party. We hung out with James Ho for a little while and ate some food and pre-partied a bit before heading to Nessas house. It was a great crowd and great music! I had fun for a bit, and I’ll just leave it at that. Suzye took some funny pictures and i took a crap load of videos that i think Bekahs going to edit to make extraordinary! …and last night Bekah found some more surprise pics of the birthday party on Myspace so I’ll post some of the less disgraceful ones a little later. I miss having a camera SO bad! So after the party we all went back to James'. Naomi Came over in the morning with a gigantic box of veggies she got for free from the market. We had some star fruits (?) and salad, and Bekah cooked up some eggs and Veggie sausage! We shlazed around watching movies and snoozing all morning and into the afternoon. Yoav came by to say hi, it was nice to see him! We had to go back to Nessa’s before we headed back to Olympia to pick up my life that I left there (my shoes and sweater/coat) …you might be wondering how I managed to leave my freaking shoes… but that’s all right.

Today I’m going bowling with everyone from work. The bar is closed today so we can all go celebrate our 6th anniversary, and bid Karen-Ann farewell, she’s moving to Jackson Hole next week to be with her boyfriend next week. And I guess welcome me onboard for the full time family. I think of last weekend as my last taste of chaos celebration...I enjoyed it, embraced it. Now I’m going to embrace sleeping and homework on all my free time, when I’m not at school or at work (which will be hardly any time at all). I’m happy nonetheless. I’m so lucky I got this job in the first place, and even more lucky to have been promoted to full time when I need it most! I hope I do well and don’t get worn out or broken spirited. I think I can, I think I can!

Happy Monday everybody.

resident mockery --give us an hour for magic.

2009-02-06T22:33:00.001-08:00

I feel like walking on water. I know if I do I’ll surely get wet and quite possibly freeze, let alone sink and not really be able to walk at all. So maybe what I feel like doing is walking out on a long pier over the sound. But I want to be closer than that. I would be content walking out on the rocks at Rocky Beach way out and breathe in the air and not be afraid to care, but that can only be done at high noon when the tide is out far enough to see the rocks.

I know

I want to be in the heat of a summer night in a river tucked into some trees like Pilchuck creek or the inlet at Post Falls in the Spokane River. I want to float on my back and look up at a clear night sky, making out constellations and wish on shooting stars and mourn the falling ones.
I want to be warm and relaxed. No burden of stress aching my brain or straining my serenity.
I want to soak in magic waters that heal worries and drown fears and tribulations. Surrounded only by the natural soft trickle of my limbs stirring underwater, warm breezes sifting secrets through the leaves and branches.
I want to focus only on my breath and separate me from myself.
I want to shed uncertainty like the skin of a reptile and assert reality in my true self.
I want to be born right here in the water, wake up to life in this enlightened state, and contour my young, eggshell mind around only innocence and beauty.
I walk each step one foot in front of the other out of my magic bath; testing the bounds of reality and questioning the trees and the flowers. Asking the fresh air how it can smell so good, complimenting the brilliant shade of green grass in the field.
I let the magic water roll and drip off and evaporate leaving me standing naked in a new consciousness, awakened and untainted. The wind will cry its warnings and kiss my neck like mothers kiss their children off on the first day of school. The moonlight will wrap me in its bright radiance and shine a light to guide me ‘home’.

Make over!

2009-02-03T11:55:00.001-08:00

So I guess I’ll hurry up and update because I haven’t in a little bit. School’s been keeping me on my toes, and work was conditioning me for what’s to come last week when I covered three shifts. I did, however, make 100 dollars in tips in 2 days, which I used 90 of it to buy a 30 g Ipod from my friend Nick who really is strapped for cash so I told him I’d flourish his wallet if he’d hand over the ipod! I am in the club finally!!

(Even though I think Suzye told he hers does nothing but frown at her now) It has a bunch of really amazing Songs on there already. I need to figure out how to move stuff around and organize it so I can fit all my additions to it.
Anyways other than that life’s been so good to me. All things considered (messy smelly apt, little money, illness, pining away for summer to come) I am so happy and content. School is very stimulating, while stressful; I’m learning a lot and loving it. Again all things considered, I look forward to transferring to Central for spring quarter; I think that the change of scenery and community will fill the crack of dissatisfaction with said aspects here at South.

February is already here and on the 26th I’ll be 21. That means that I’ll finally be allowed to serve at West 5, increasing my hours at work to full-time, gaining full benefits and making a ton more tips than I already do (that’s hard to even IMAGINE!) I pledge now to not spend that money on copious amounts of booze either, I need to SAVE for summer events and end of summer digs!

My baby sister turns fourteen today!

(yeah i know its a big dump but so necessary)She is getting so big!!!!! Every time I see her she has doubled in gorgeousness and incredible personality. This weekend the family is (hopefully) going to get together for a collective February birthday party. Because Dad’s Birthday is on the 8th and Jerry’s (soon to be brother-in-law) and Kaitlyn’s (niece) birthday is in February too; we usually just celebrate them all together!

Dad got me my ticket to Hawaii for my birthday present for Courtney and Jerry’s wedding in June, and Cheryl got me some marvelous Sensaria Spa products from the Sensaria Spa Experience/Wine and chocolate party from the other weekend. I got myself an ipod, and mom’s looking for a car for her and I to share, for now. I really need my own computer, and a camera to replace the one that just bit the dust on New Years. In case you didn’t notice I’ve been having to use my phone camera to capture what I’ve put on my blog since my camera failed at life. I miss being able to take pictures of the things I see daily that are beautiful, and I feel like I’m seeing twice as many photo ops now that I don’t have the means to capture them which breaks my heart. But I do think that a computer takes precedence over photography right t now, I use mom’s computer, which she needs and takes with her whenever she goes to work. And ideally I would bring my computer with me to school so I can have all my files on there instead of in my flash drive that doesn’t hold a lot. And I can go shove myself in a quiet corner instead of in the chaotic sea of thunderous students that is the computer/library/recess hall. There is also this really cool 100 dollar slr ‘Lomography’ camera that I saw and fell in love with at Orban Outfitters this weekend downtown. It takes awesome color/negative/vibrant color/ black and white and it’s also a pinhole cam (how cool is that?) Anyways… that’s just STUFF anyways right?

Well I did it! I changed my blog look completely! I don’t quite know what I think. I hate that the borders around the photos are dark (but very bright and distracting) blue. It completely clashes with my color scheme. (Does anyone know how to remedy that?)

anyways im getting out there in this sunshine, soak up some D, absorb some rays,
haha

Much love to everyone!

Wake up Sydney!

2009-01-27T09:49:00.001-08:00

I really need to find a good way to stop falling asleep on the bus, on the way to school, and in my English class in the morning. I don’t know if it has to do with my inferior immune system or my medicine I’ve been taking, but this usually never happens. I do get at least six to seven hours of sleep at night, so I am so confused. I hate jolting awake while my teachers talking, and realizing that I had full on zonked for a few seconds, SO annoying!

Well any ways, I’m very proud of myself this quarter so far, I’m at school early (on time) every day. I made it a bad habit to sleep in past my alarm and miss my first period in fall quarter. Granted that class was math at 8am and I could easily justify that extra 2 hours of z’s by going to the noon math lab class. But now that I have English on campus instead of online I have no choice, there is no makeup class! I need to figure this out fast, I hate falling asleep. It reminds me of when I used to commute from Olympia to Tacoma every morning at 3am to work the 4am shift at Trader Joes. Or when I was living in Mukilteo and had to commute to Arlington for School and work. Yes, I know, falling asleep while driving is a little more severe than falling asleep on the bus or in your chair in class, but it’s the impossible task trying to silently snap myself out of it. When I was driving I could at least blast the AC, roll all the windows down Blast horrible techno and scream (that was the most effective). So unless I can scream in the middle of class (yeah right) I am in need of some ideas; and, yes I do drink coffee in the morning, and no I don’t want to start taking uppers. Ideas please…

Tuesday is upon us! It’s SO COLD outside, and it’s snowing again. Brrrr. I had a pretty good weekend, aside from the disagreement my mom and I got into over school. I came home stoked that I had a great day, I got all my text’s for school finally, even though my Environmental Ethics book was 110 bucks, I borrowed my Biology book from my friend and that would have been another 100 something dollars. I was stoked because Kyndall (the oldest of my little sisters) was driving down to go get her neck pierced with me, bonding! I passed my Math test with a 81% (I failed miserably with a 59 at the beginning of the week) so naturally I was ecstatic! I’ve been steadily feeding my butterflies in my stomach daily and on Friday the sun was incredible (still freezing out, but beautiful compared to the foggy cloud we Seattleites have been living in lately) ANYWAY.. .I tried relaying my elation to my mother, only to get shot down and ridiculed for not getting better than an 81% and that she’s not paying for my tuition for me to sluff off and not ask for help. I immediately got defensive and started trying to sever the conversation because; naturally I didn’t want to crush my amazing Friday mood. That’s when she started calling me passive aggressive, telling me I have big problems that I have to deal with and this and that and this and yell-- yell. I really thought she would pat my on the back for that but I guess not, so I learned the hard way to not let mom in on what I feel to be a good thing, because, “it’s 100% or it sucks!” I got out of there as quick as I could and didn’t come back till Sunday night.

I had a great weekend! My little sisters, Emilie and Kyndall and Sam and little bro D.j. all hung out, Kyndall was driving dads truck (scary) we went to pick the kids up from their high school Basketball game (very entertaining..) We played some guitar hero, and danced as usual in dads living room.
Saturday night I went to my big sister Courtney's spa party, where we got REALLY wine drunk, ALL of us ladies and scrubbed our feet, looked at Court's wedding dress, and she hugged me and .... I think we bonded! SCORE. seems to only happen when she's waisted though..sad, but I'll work on it :)
Max came and picked me up with his girl Erin, they hung out with all the drunk ladies for a little then we went back back to his house where we played Karaoke till the wee hours of the morning. SO FUN! we even woke up the next morning and played some more, before going to Sharis for Breakie!
They had tickets to go see LIL WAYNE at the Key Arena, so the dropped me off at home, and I worked on homework.. went out to eat with mom, made up...(more like ignored everything that we said.)

OK that's all for now. over n' out.

PEACE and LOVE to all of you <3

Update and Current news and this and that.

2009-01-21T09:40:00.000-08:00

So going to bed last night, I had some mucus in the very back of my throat, really hard to swallow. But over night it happened to turn into a full-fledged head/throat cold. I have the sniffles and sandpaper throat, headache, body and muscle ache, even my ears fucking hurt! Well, I guess it had to happen sometime.
I was really rallying these past few days though: with Bekah’s Hard Core Saves the World on Friday, and my drinking/doge ball extravaganza, then drinking more with Bekah after she performed..Saturday Randy and Suzye and Bekah and I all went up to Lynwood to see Ashley! Of course there was more drinking! So much Laughing in one night, I was already sore from my failed attempt at playing competitive doge ball, and Carmen Electra's Fint2Strip workout on Comcast, then Randy randomly spit an entire mouthful of beer straight into Ashley’s face, and all she could say was, “was that real?” I’m cracking up right now (I love you Randy). That experience is up there in the list of fenniest moments of my life. So THAT was cool! Then on Sunday the sun was out so we all just sat around the covered pool..and enjoyed it. we also went to Ihop, and swung on the rope swing :)

I went back to Bekah’s with her so I could use her computer to do top secret business, and we stayed up WAY TOO late, her little sister Clara was depressed because she finished a sad book, so Bekah painted a face on her chin and mustaches and they laughed (the “I’m really tired and everything is hilarious!” laugh) haha so goofy.
So then on Monday, we enjoyed a no school day for Martin Luther King day and it was Gorgeous! Sunshine and blue skies! So Bekah Chad and I went to get Kyle and Josie to go to Golden Gardens and make a fire and roast mellows and (of course) drink beer! Josie decided she would rather go home and shower than watch the most incredible sunset ever (lame)! I started clapping and cheering when the sun disappeared behind the mountains. And everyone else at their fire pits did too! It was exciting! I realized that we were celebrating the end of Bush’s presidency and that amped us up. We invited some strangers with a djembe over to enjoy our fire and company, after polishing off a 24 pack and running out of fire wood,
we departed to go (get more beer) and go soak in Kyle’s hot tub. I believe I smoked many cigarettes as well; possibly contributing to the state that my throat is in currently. (LAME)

So Instead of waking up at 4 am and busing to school..and then to work for the inauguration crowd and all day happy hour, I just slept in till 8:30, left Bekah’s at 9 got home in time to shower and pull myself together for (what I thought would be) a long hard afternoon at the bar. I ended up going home after being in an empty bar for 2.5 hours, I was frustrated because I could have slept in more with Bekah, but oh well I got to get some dishes done, oh! I got to hold 45 hundred dollar bills in my hands, neat!

The sun keeps breaking through the foggy darkness here in Seattle, and is electrifying my excitement for summer to be here at last!!
I have decided I’m for sure going to transfer schools for spring quarter, Instead of South, go to Seattle Central. The nice folks that stopped to chit chat with us on the beach are UW students and informed me of some perks to going to Central.

Alright, well now that I’ve finished with the entire weekend recap, how about our new President, huh!?
I found a really cool photo of the Capitol Building and the incredible sea of people that attended the Inauguration. View the madness!

All in all I was touched by what he said, and I agree with Kale in that Obama categorizes many very believing people into the category of “non-believers” and that probably rubbed many people the wrong way. I can’t imagine the pressure to please the whole USA, though so I can’ t be too put out by it. I have very high hopes, maybe a miracle will happen, and one of the changes that come to America is that people like me (who got screwed by Labor and Industries) will be let off the hook and somehow stop being hassled day in and day out by collection agencies calling to ask for upwards of a million dollars that you owe because you thought you were being taken care of, but SIKE you owe all that money back.. I don’t have nearly enough time to stress how dumb my situation is, but I promise I will devote a blog post to what happened to me and why, at 21, I have to file for medical bankruptcy..

Ok. Im off to class. P.s. Rob patinson's 2 songs "never think" and "let me sign" from the Twilight soundtrack, are kick my ass. ugh.

god day to YOU

what.the.fuck!

2009-01-16T15:52:00.000-08:00

SO.. moms gone till late Saturday..

I get home from school 20 minutes ago and was overwhelmed with the rankest smelling cat shit the world has ever known.. so I scooped both litter boxes and it was as if the smell was following me around, IT WAS, and meowing at me for food! Sammy's butt has a GIGANTIC white fur-ball blocking his butt hole, and there's WHOKNOWSHOWMUCH slimysmelly cat poo stuck on his booty!! EEEW!! So I called mom and she was like

"Sydney, you know what you have to do! you have to put gloves on and slowly cut it all away, GENTLY, don't cut his balls because his little nutter butters are back there. But you can't just leaving it because he can get an infection..." and she jsut hung up on me...

I'm waiting for bekah to be here so she can hold him down.. OMG it smells SO bad.. I have 5 sticks of Nag burning....my eyes are watering, and I wish I hadn't eaten today.

Sorry in advance B.

btw....fuckthisnoise

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution

2009-01-16T00:00:00.000-08:00

So Today was a good day, all things considered. Things like, Sleeping in really late, not going to classes (first absent day of the quarter) watching youtube videos about global warming, sustainability and some comical political satire to soften the depressing blow of it all, writing a 5 page proposal to what the answer is to the worlds horrifying problems, studying for my second attempt at passing my module two math exam, doing Carmen Electra’s fit2strip workout on Comcast, feeding the animals while mom’s in West Palm Beach, running to the library in the 15 minutes before catching the bus to work to pick of Still life With a Woodpecker, which they kindly e-mailed me to tell me that it was being held for me there, I’m going to place holds for all my books now that is neat. I also placed a hold on the Documentary that I saw a snippet from on youtube called “The Corporation”
knocked my socks off)

so I’m pretty excited to get that e-mail. Got offered full time hours at the bar, I was really surprised and told Toni I would have to think about it. But thinking about it now, this is everything I want and need. I would make massive money working Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights serving (hello tips) the thing that made me second guess was Friday and Saturday are my hang-out nights when I normally see the girl(s) and what not. But like I said before, I need to concentrate on necessity right now, and making (saving) money and school and studying fall under that category. So I’m going to except the offer and make the most of it. If you’re sensing some reluctance in my tone you aren’t mistaken, I don’t really enjoy working there, it’s very fast pace, and I am not. I like to relax and not be rushed and stressed out for hours on end to try and please people. Example: Today someone wrote “too spicy, too much cumin, not very good at all” on their curry soup plate coaster. Every time I would walk past their table (it was an older woman with a small toddler girl) she would say “I know, it’s not that good is it?” or “I’m not very impressed why did you choose this place?” Not talking to me, of course, talking to the small child. Okay first of all, why would you comply with a four your old little girl’s decision to eat at a cocktail lounge? A: we allow kids but hate it when they come in ahem it is a bar. B: instead of loudly complaining to your only friend about how shitty you think the food is, say something to your waitress and do something about it. Ok that’s my rant. Sorry. Any way I hope that clarifies my point a little bit, I don’t like being expected to wait on people hand and foot (but I guess that’s why they’re called waitresses eh?) Oh what the fuck, it’s money, and I can do anything. I just gotta keep my head up and not let the mean, drunk, hungry people get to me.

Okay, that’s it for now… Happy Friday!

Much love

News

2009-01-14T13:21:00.000-08:00

Here are some highlights, out of the ordinary happenings recently.
Seattle Police raided a house in my neck of the woods (West Seattle) turned out to be full of weed.

The Alaskan Way Viaduct decicion has been made, and allot of Seattleites are pissed off about the plans. I don’t know what to think yet…

This morning, 43 Alaskan Natives filed a lawsuit against the Society of Jesus (the Jesuits), claiming a widespread conspiracy to dump pedophile priests in small Alaskan towns and shelter them from exposure. more here

My webcam CAME!!!

Ugh. I need some sun.

Summer? Get your ass BACK here already!

Blast! From the past!

2009-01-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here passing time before I venture out on my errands. I am finding too MANY old photos I forgot even existed. I would be tickled to death to see every ones pics from the vaults so I'll hope to start a trend *hinthint*. (if not thats cool too, just enjoy)

Bekah and I 2006 (right before Naomi left for Thailand..?)

these where me round one dreads that my mom ended up combing out (thats why i have bangs now...) I always wonder how lush and wonderous my hair would be if I wasn't forced to undo-and then re-do.. loco! I'm making progress tho!

This was at one of the parties Suzye took me to at the Hall. i want to say 2003or4? (p.s. that boy was so sweaty)

..what i did to my hair after the dreads came out :(

wayyyy back when, @ Suzyes Parents house.. I forgot what we where doing, or celebrating but this was funny.

I was way into editing every photo i took...haha

when we went to the drive in movie! this was 05 i believe.. I had my Prodeje still.. I miss it.

when i was getting my chest pierced

Bekah and I in Samanthas Parents backyard smoking cigs after i got my piercings....WILD CHILDREN

When i was rockin the pies and Dominoes with Jahnavi.

Suzye adn Ben came to watch me get my corsette..eesh

Bekahs Blue room! dress up games.

Bekah and I in a random second hand store, when we went looking for trouble this one time...

when Riley asked me nicely to *brand* his retarded shark tattoo..

and Riley then branded me.

when we where at the old hooka bar on cherry st, (promising to always be bffl)

Suzyes old apt (we have a baby powder fight)

I want to say this was prom... but i don't know..naomi and I 2005ish

when i lost my car to the biggest semi on Earth...:( X_x

Quincey and I got egyptian male and female mods that don't show

I...got stitched after Riley couldn't help but slicing my boob open.

when everyone at Admiral tattoo got 666 tattoos on june 6 2006 06/06/06

when i got my six wisdom teeth pulled.

when Kale was giving me advice on breakin the law.

When there was a rave at the Seattle Science Center.. Bekah and I spazzin out in the butterfly room..very wild

this is when suzye and i tried to take a picture for about a half an hour.. i ended up with so many videos of us -- singing along to Sublime looking at the camera like we are waiting for it to capture.. but in fact it was set to video mode.. So funny.

Sake night on Randal's 24th Birthday I believe.

when i was sane enough to stand in Mexico 2 summers ago.

the Fam

ok.. that was fun

<3

Ready to Attack another week!

2009-01-12T00:25:00.000-08:00

Well the weekend was great. I spent it (as usual) with Bekah.
Friday after school I went to Camille’s shop and worked for her while she had some errands to run, I just shlazed out and relaxed, reading my book (SO good!) nobody really even came in until 4:45 (I close at 5) so I ended up staying open for 20 minutes past closing time for this over elated talkative lady that, since I made no sales the whole afternoon, felt obligated to humor her so she would have no choice but to buy things. It ended up working and she bought 95 dollars worth of shit.

So I bussed home to get changed to go see Bekah rehearse for her Hardcore Saves the World show. Her mom was there, so it was fairly painless to be all alone in a huge empty venue totally out of my element. But when they where done rehearsing Bekah and I drove her mom to Green Lake before going back the venue for the actual rave party! I was kind of nervous to be submerged in that teenage waist-land again after having…not…in quite a while. It wasn’t bad, I dance with friends, and cheered Bekah on, she was an amazing Ho-Bot. We decided to go straight home instead of party afterward. I was so drained. Then we had to get up to practice the next day too. Haha I just tagged along, and had a pretty good time, normally I would have photos to share but turns out my camera wont even turn on now, I hope that’s not indefinite, we shall see. (cross your fingers!) But Bekah has a camera now!! woohoo Bekah!

I got to chat with Suzye for a while on Saturday. She helped me come to the decision that maybe going to Burning Man wouldn’t be the best Idea, due to money and time and convenience. So I made plans and am sticking to them to go to Emerge-N-see with the gang instead. I have so much to look forward to and I can hardly contain myself. I have to keep it together and stay on the straight and narrow for the sake of my grades! I also aim to make it (finally) to Summer Meltdown this summer as well. ALSO deeply aspire to be on the Sasquatch Rhino Staging crew with the girls. How freaking amazing would it be to be with my loves at a festival in the summer and camp and get paid? Sounds like heaven.

So anyways, I just got home. Bekah and I went to work with Muchee and Zak to help do the big inventory count at the Crypt. It was extremely entertaining. I basically got paid 30 bucks to hang out with really awesome people, looking at (well and counting) obscure sex toys, clothes, weird weapons etc. We also ate pizza so, basically, I got paid to have a really good time.

Now I’m ready to go write in my sappy crappy journal and discuss with myself the things I can’t rightly do here, drink the most amazing tea in the universe (would you like to know…mwahaha), and read on in this amazing book!! I get to wake up early and go to school tomorrow and conquer another day!

I hope everyone had an amazing weekend!
Love you all. Night.

rain rain go away

2009-01-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

I’m so sick of rain! It’s dark all day I can’t stand it. I-5 is closed for 20 miles both ways, tons of street closures and evacuations of towns because of the flooding and mudslides. Avalanches, mudslides, high water (reaching record levels) and wild winds, all the passes are closed, around 60 highways are closed, and 22 rivers have reached or exceeded flood levels. Screw this.
Suzye, you should definitely reconsider getting your sweet tug boat!

I don’t want to do anything but snuggle in front of a fire and drink my amazing, super power Rooibos tea and read my book (that is getting very riveting and exhilarating I can’t put it down) it’s by the same author of the Twilight saga, Stephanie Myer, it’s called “The Host”.
I’m about to go to Biology, It’s pretty overwhelming because all we do is copy notes down for an hour, copying what she writes on the board. I haven’t been able to get the text yet because I’m so broke and that isn’t helping either. Then I have math, and believe it or not I enjoy it 1000 times more than I did last semester thanks to my teacher. After that I go to West 5 and work all night. I really hope that no one flips me shit, I feel like the people there have been rubbing me the wrong way for too long, I’m feeling very underappreciated, people are way too short with me for how sensitive I am. But I just shouldn’t think about it because it just adds anxiety.

I hope you all are warm, dry, safe, happy, healthy (get well soon Kale :() and have a GREAT DAY!

Cob Homes!

2009-01-06T12:50:00.001-08:00

Hi,

So I stumbled upon these lil hobbit-esque homes...Oh my god. So into these lil guys! Not only are they the cutest, comfiest abodes I’ve ever laid eyes on, they are very earth and eco friendly! They’re made out of dirt, straw and clay. Very ingenious and imaginative, no?

“--A 2007 family home, measuring 2,150 ft2, fitted with solar power and sub-floor heating ran a mere $210,000 CAD (112,000 GBP), making cob construction one of the most economical means of home-building, in addition to being among the most ethical. Impressive stats in these wild economic times, and positioning this rustic style of design at the forefront of charitable efforts to house the poor.”
I guess the style of construction is known as “Cobb”, but we of course aren’t aware of how insanely awesome of an idea this is because it’s not cool to talk about global warming and what having humungous energy-sucking, waste producing luxury homes and condos does for the future of the planet! These super-stable, fire-resistant structures can be been found in North Africa, the Middle East, and, most commonly, Devon, Wales, and Cornwall in the United Kingdom and has been used as far back as the 11th century.

I don’t know about you, but I would be incredibly content in one of these, in the woods by a lake or the beach. And Suzye, you can have your cute tug-boat house over anytime! We all can set up a little hobbit-like village in the woods somewhere (the image I see in my head is somewhere like Naomi’s parents farm area) have the best community ever. Maybe someday it’ll happen. I have to hurry up and strike it rich some how in order for all my expensive dreams to come true! I will start a magazine filled with articles such as this so that every one will see all the awesome hippy doo-dads that are out there in the world. I am SO stoked that I found this, can't you tell?

*--*

So now that I got that out, I’ll update ya on my day so far. School worked itself out good, I thought that after yesterday I wouldn’t be able to get into my Biology class, but I went and talked to the instructor and told her she wouldn’t regret overloading me, and she welcomed me with open arms, I love her already. I found out that my ridiculous math(cringe) teacher from last quarter gave me a 0.0 for my overall grade, I know this is my fault for not forcing him to communicate to me like humans do what I was missing by the last day of the quarter, I can’t read minds yet believe it or not. But as I said, It’s pretty hard to break my stride in this new year, new energy, new ambition and oomph! So I’ll take the double zero and completely kick ass at math this quarter because I CAN! I switched teachers to Mrs. Simmons and I LOVE her because she rules and I can honestly say i have nightmares about my old math teach Mr. Rick Downs and his slimy, long upper lip and bad energy... It’s really amazing how one teacher can ruin your day/life/school career, or completely be your savior for all of those aspects. ;)

Anyways:

~Adieu

Arggggh!

2009-01-05T22:16:00.000-08:00

Right, so before I freak out and cry..I'll calmly explain how i just wrote a 3 page post in a word document and cut (not copied) the whole thing to paste here. It's really funny (not ha ha funny) that toward the end of the short novel of explaining what I did all of winter break, I even said something along the lines one "I am drinking the most amazing tea right now, I am make-believing that it's giving me super powers, and I must say it's working because I'm multi-tasking like a mofo right now!"...etc.

So I don't know how I let this happen but while multi tasking I copied something else onto the invisible *clip board* where my short novel was cut too... and I lost the whole damn thing! Wow. I don't feel like re-typing it it will just piss me off and you won't enjoy reading my angrily re-writen story I lost to the computer. But also somewhere in there I said something along the lines of.. "All is good though, I feel an exciting fire inside and it would take a horrifying shit storm to upset me right now..." I think that was right after complaining that today was supposed to be my first day back to school, but they dropped me from all my classes because I didnt meet the deadline to pay tuition. So there ya go. Sorry guys you can't read my impossibly long blog about what i did over break, deal with it. But i did re register and got all my classes, Biology is full though, but im goin to show up to class anyways and beg the instructor to overload me.

I did get my Camera that I left at Suzye's after new years, and she mailed it back to me (all this previously, needlessly explained) so I have a buncha photos to share :)

P.s. My camera took a spill when I was sledding, and now my camera takes dark..one-corner-missing pictures.. but hey, they're photos!

ok, over n' out.

By the way you should know that the theme of NYE was freaks and geeks.. so it's cool.

Okkk. I should go sleep so I can wake up for the official first day of my Winter quarter 09!!

(p.s. I can't figure out how to post photos..and have captions unter them....so gather what you will without my imput) ;)

Peace!

I resolve to:_______in 2009

2009-01-01T23:14:00.000-08:00

Let life happen, and meditate.
Exercise daily and be healthier (drink less, smoke less, eat less, fast more).
Get an ipod and expand my musical horizons.
Work more hrs, start working at Revo?!
Get great grades and learn a bunch. Read.
Photography. (Camera, prints, etc.)

:)

I've been so hard on myself lately. Always stressing about decisions I don't really need to make right now. I want to knock that off, because stress stinks.
I really only need to worry about 2 things (well maybe three): School and Work/Money (and maybe art, it’s in parenthesis because it may not be as crucial as the first two)
Everything else is so momentary, so volatile and impulsive! I feel so much strain and tension with respect to my social life and trying to make every one (and myself) happy. I wonder sometimes if I’m the only one with this odd anxiety: specifically missing so many (sometimes bizarre and contradictory) people at one time. Longing to be surrounded by so many people, and feel certain previously felt energy and vigor; I may be looking for the word “nostalgia”(but I’m not fully content with it). I’m inundated with constant irritating nostalgia. It may also be a fear of losing people, losing touch with people flat out sucks. There are some bonds that are important for me to maintain maximum contact and spending the most time with. My siblings for example, I don’t want to be an absent big sister, I want my little sibs to trust me and I want to know them and watch them grow. I need a car to do this, so there’s one more resolution. I miss so much about certain times of my life, and I find myself getting pummeled with these depressing thoughts and mind fucks A LOT. I don’t want to be mindlessly self indulgent either. I want to write like this more. I feel like im talking in code, realizing that what I’m saying most likely doesn’t make any sense to any one but me. But it’s post like these that I really like coming back to later and reading, kind of studying myself, to see how much my opinion has changed or stayed the same. Comparing perspectives on certain random things. Any Way, man I sure turned that into a friggin ramble, I have high hopes for the new year, I want to look back to this day next year and say to myself, “fuck yea, I rule! Look at everything I’ve accomplished this in 2009, GO ME!”
Ok I’m beat. And I’m not making sense!
And I can’t get Akon’s song “I wana make love na na na” out of my head, no matter what I do. It’s SO catchy.

By the way, here our Freak and Geek picture<3

And here is Pickels! Sargent Meowinstien!

Happy 2009

2009-01-01T16:04:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful new years with some of the best people in the whole world. I am so satisfied. Time to come back from Neverland. Now I'm off to work. God damn I didn't want to leave suzye's I coulda ate brownies and watched Freaks N Geeks all day long. My stomach is SO sore from the butterflies. Oh butterflies.

P.s. I left my camera at Suzyes, so no pics until I can get it back. :(

I'm back!

2008-12-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

Well Max and I got stuck up North at Dad's because we had to turn around to get his silly book that he got for Christmas.. He hasn't even read a book in well...forever! All of asudden we are stuck in a patch of snow.. he overhearts his engine, thermostat whatever it was we stayed at dads.. Not that thats a bad thing.. we never get to be with dad, we played a lot of nintendo wii and drank hot buttered rum while cracking all the rest of the leftover christmas eve crab, talking about my life and how chaotic it's been since I've left. Dad recognized what happened to me as a kid for the first time verbally.. and I wish i wasn't so drunk otherwise i would have been able to expand and heal. Anyway, finally max and I got outta there yesterday the nieghbors and dad all helped us shovel a path 50 ft from the bottom of dads driveway to the road.. then we drove his car overheating suposedly to the dealership.. max told me i was giving him attitude when i told him after the 3rd worng exit that we should maybe call the dealership. well I was skating thin on making it back to west seattle to make it to work.. luckily the dealership was ready for us and had the loaner ready to go.. so i made it with time to spare. I have mabe the worst day at the bar ever ill talk more about that later.. im heading north to see bekah and give her things.. SUZYE call me about out PLANNNNNS! xoxox

Merry Christmas.

2008-12-25T14:14:00.000-08:00

Well we got a white Christmas! Dad and mad are currently shoveling his ford F150 out of the ditch in the driveway.. i think i could be stuck here for a nother night unless we want to shevel Max's lowerd VW Jetta GLI outta the snow...:( and be we I definately mean me. I have the verizon network but they dont follow me out to my dads house sadly. I have no cell service but every once in a while I'll get a text or qa notification of a new voicelmail.. it's okay though..i guess.i just spent 2 hrs playing nintendo WII tennis adn bowling and my shoulder is FUCKED up but i want to keep on playing.last night was fun I'll write about it and submit photos later on. xo

Flurries!

2008-12-18T13:30:00.000-08:00

I see nothing but white outside.

pretty groovy!

I got to see Suzye and Randy last night, I miss them so much. Luis came and Kendall did too!! I gave Randy his Christmas gift, I wish i had brought my camera because it looks SO perfect on him. heheh.

I work today.. it will be an adventure getting there. BRRRR I'll take photos of my winter wonderland and share them later. OOH I have some time.. I should upload my pictures from spending the night with Zak and Monica the other night.. Zak and I had a dance off on a patch of black ice! But I'm sipping hot cocoa and watching Christmas shows with ma. so we shall see.

xoxox have a great day and stay warm!

HAPPY lateBIRTHDAY KALE!

2008-12-13T11:08:00.000-08:00

I hope your birthday was even half as amazing as you are!!!xoxox

photos!

2008-12-09T00:00:00.001-08:00

My little sisters and i on thanksgiving! We where pretending that the camera was something hilarious! God they are gorgeous!

Ok and now I can type!
My kittehs are such lovers!! Sammy (big fluffy snow flake) Got 2 whole fangs pulled at the doc! He was so drunk and out of sorts when mom and I picked his cute little kitty butt up. He is stark white so the blood dribbling out of his mouth was startling, so mom was scrubbing it off (that’s when I snapped the pic below) he was so happy to see us after being alone in a kennel all day long, he even jumped up onto my lap all drunkard!

We went bowling! So fun! The people bowling next to us were German and they spoke pretty, one guy wore his pants up past his belly button leaving nothing to the imagination. Lol and the other guy wore a bright red t shirt that had huge letters that read “GO PLAY” with an arrow pointing to his crotch! I love them. We drank Snow Cap and PBR till we played 3 games (I didn’t come in last!)

*amen

Rainy Seattle Sunday

2008-12-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

Working for Julie for 2 days in a row is a workout. She never really knows what she wants me to do, so I’m left acting on a whim trying to be helpful but then she just ends up undoing what I just did. For example, She had a bunch of little ornaments she wanted me to hang in the window from the curtain less rod with fishing line. Easy right? Not right. I put up about 17-20 little orange wrapped boxes and little tin birds the way I saw fit, because...well, that is what I was told to do. Then I ended up taking them all down because she wanted to switch the curtain rod with the one that was in the front of the store. I put them all back on, only to then be told that she wants all the birds to be the same length (eye level) and ever OTHER orange box to be the same length (a little bit above eye level) so again, I undid and redid my cutting and tying and hanging with the merciless fishing line. She then asked me to write her a list of things she needs for the up and coming West Seattle Art Walk this Thursday (we have them every 2nd Thursday of every month along California avenue) to include things like cups and silverware to drinks and snacks. Ok, with all due respect how the fuck am I supposed to know what you want for your Art Walk party? I put down “holiday cookies” and “pie” right under “hot buttered rum” and “hot cider” and she was lie “No, no cookies or sweets I’m leaning toward tarts and dips.” Ahem, THAT IS WHY YOU WRITE YOUR OWN GOD DAMN LIST. Good god woman, I don’t have mind reading capabilities believe it or not. YOU know what you have in mind for YOUR party, I do not.

Ok, anyways. I most definitely could go on bitching and moaning but I will not. Julie does have an adorable Pug baby, Lola, who I absolutely adore, and I did get paid, and only have one more weekend of this foolishness. I will never be a personal assistant because this sort of “fly by the seat of your pants to please a 46 year old woman who acts as though she’s in a crisis” just doesn’t set well with me. Camille is just to stores over and I went over and got a pot brownie to aid in mellowing me in the midst the psychosis. Bless her! She also let me catch up on her advent calendar (she had only opened door one, and we’re on number seven! Yumyum)

Mom and I have the flex car, Ines, reserved all day tomorrow to take Sammy (big fat Persian kitteh) into the doc to get a tooth pulled, so we get to run errands all day long! Exciting! I get to get some Christmas shopping done while we have the luxury of wheels. Bussing is effective and eco-friendly, but can be near impossible to carry home a collection of groceries and things we can’t live without.

I went bowling with my mom and brother and Adam (bro’s roomie) at West Seattle Bowl. I came in second to last thanks to mom! Much fun! I have pictures that I will try to upload (no promises as the computer has been poopy lately)

I’m very excited to move into the two-bedroom downstairs next month. Mom, on the other hand is having second thoughts a is saying, “I don’t want to move if there’s no view.” But I’m almost sure there will not be as good of a view as this place because our balcony points East framing the city perfectly, and the apartment on the second floor is not only not as tall (naturally) but also points North, giving us a great view of the new condos next door, which is fine by me, I’m gaining a bedroom.. but mom is another story. Lets just keep our fingers crossed shall we? K? k!

2008-12-01T10:56:00.001-08:00

(I wrote this last week and never got around to posting it.. )

So I am finally getting relief. The Doc forgot to tell me that the 2 weeks following medical treatment will get worse because the bacteria are dying, very cool. This week is going to be intense. I had a math exam this morning that I rescheduled to tomorrow because I needed another day to cool off. Last week I DID NOTHING for school, I left for Portland on Monday after school, for Stephanie’s Birthday. Skipping 2 days of school (BAD) but I got to see Naomi! And Steph and I haven’t been able to hang out for a while Because of her job. So I’m glad I went down there. I read my birth chart the whole way (four hours) it was great. I don’t know if I’m really CONVINCED, but I view it as an oracle-type of significance some of the things in it trigger memories and thoughts that I find helpful to many aspects of my life as of late. If any of you lovelies are interested, you can e-mail me your birthday and time and place of birth and I’ll gift you your chart!
The 12th is the LAST DAY OF FALL QUARTER! I get a break until January 5th! I’m making an appt to see the advisor about switching Community Colleges so I can go to central. Their campus is better, and seems a little less ghetto. I have made some good friends here and it’s easy to get here, But the Central campus has an array of photo classes.
Thanksgiving was a success. Mom ended up sleeping at Grandmas the whole morning while I cooked, and tried to kick Grandma out of the kitchen. She kept getting short of breath, and dizzy. She got really confused about what she was talking about when I asked her if the rolls she had where the peal apart kind. She was supposed to leave again this week, for the second time. But fell ill again, and is now at the UW medical hospital unable to leave Pete Gross house. I think that she wants to stay, she likes it, it’s a safe warm place. She’s so weak it makes me sad.
Well max and I went up to see dad and the kids up north. We had 2 dinners and a bunch of pie. It was a lot of fun. We played a family game hot potato. Everyone wrapped around the island in the kitchen and tossed potatoes! SO FUN! I have videos on my Youtube channel if your want to see the ridiculousness. The funniest one is the one where I hit my little brother DJ in the face with a broken potato! We stayed the night and most of the next day just watching CSI and playing Nintendo Wii.
Joseph invited me to Tacoma to go to a Bon Fire on Friday evening at his old co-worker Guytono’s place. We used to do that allot last summer and it was always a lot of fun. So after max dropped me off I went to Tacoma..and Joseph picked me up in his little sisters crappy smelly car with crappy smelly headlights and we got pulled over. He couldn’t even open the crappy smelly glove box so he couldn’t show the registration.. but the cop let us go anyway witch was cool. When we got to the bonfire Stephanie (guytono’s gf) was there, I love that girl and it was so good to see her, But it got really weird after Guytonos ex (and supposedly current) gf barged into the backyard yelling at guytono and stephanie about how they are still fucking.. so it was a lot of drama so I left. I feel really bad for Stephanie.. she’s such a great person, I had no idea that guytono was cheating on her :( But Jo and I got along, and actually had a good time drama aside.

(Current)
So... Im done with school, for the holidays, don't go back until the 5th of the new year! I need to take this time and be social. I do have my final ENG portfolio due on monday.. adn then on the 10th, a meeting to make sure I got the right classes lined up for next quarter.

:) bubye for now. so tired. much love.

2008-11-27T00:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I just got in from work. I had to hustle home from Portland this morning on a Greyhound; I went down there on Monday after class to see Stephanie for her Birthday. We just staying in, Drank beer and sang songs, ate pizza and ice cream. It was basically the laziest day ever yesterday.

Tomorrow morning Maxwell’s picking mom and I up and going to Grandma’s @ Seattle Cancer Care. Yeah, I know I said she was cancer-free and going home.. But she got an infection and has to stay longer. I think that’s what she wants though. I went and spent the night with her a couple weeks ago, and that was when she new she was going to be leaving the fallowing Friday (she was even packing). Well she was telling me she was scared, worried that she can’t function well enough, that she gets confused. I felt bed, but I hope she’s not just anticipating her falling ill to make it so she’s unable to go home. Anyways, I hope tomorrow’s fun; mom and g-ma fight all the time. They had quite a falling out just about who was cooking the turkey and where. Max and I are leaving at aroud 4 to go up north and see the Siblings, Dad and Cheryl. This will be fun, I miss my sisters and brothers all the time.

I went to the Doctor for my itchy skin last weekish.. I don’t think I wrote about it (kind of embarrassing). I thought it was an allergic reaction to mom’s cat’s and their stupid fleas. But Vanessa told me that everyone at her school had been getting scabies, and I had been hanging with her and her friend at my apt I while ago, And her friend had it. They all got creams and it cleared right up. The Doc gave me 2 type of cream, and anti itch and allergy pills……AND NOTHING’S WORKING! If anything it worse! It’s the most frustrating thing in the world. Every inch of my body itching all the time, sometimes more than others, resulting in my scratching, hard, sometimes not stopping till I’m bleeding. You can probably imagine how this is leaving my skin. I look and feel terrible ladies and gentlemen. I’m going to get more cream, talk to the doc again, pay out the ass for something that might not work, because I don’t have Health insurance. Writing about this is making me cry. I am SO frustrated, I’m through being embarrassed, I’m sincerely concerned, it hurts! FUCK THIS!

Sorry.I itch real bad.

Just a Quickie

2008-11-21T17:40:00.000-08:00

I realize I haven’t been as fruitful as I would like to be in this blog, but to be perfectly honest, I really only want to write my upbeat cheery happenings and attitudes on here. Reason being that that’s what I wish to project myself as (upbeat). I also don’t want the wrong people to get a hold of this, and have there feelings hurt. I have a heavy heart and head lately. Not well able to pinpoint the catalyst motivating this weakened mind state as of late, I am exhausted. I miss my god, the sun. I miss good friends. I can’t think of anything I want more than to be in a room full of people who love each other smiling, drinking and dancing.

I feel like…I’m missing out, almost like I’m running out of time.

It could very well be.

I digress

My name ain't Bic, but I keep That flame

2008-11-17T20:53:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty good weekend! I had nothing planned at first, just reading up for finals week, and trying to program impossible math formulas in my brain so I can take the exams without cheating. To my delight I woke up to sunshine on Saturday morning, so I proposed that mom and I go downtown to Pike Place Market, and get breakfast and walk around. We both strapped our cameras on and set out. We went to this really good café for lunch, the name is escaping me, and they had an incredible organic juice bar. Yum yum. We walked around and around, through big crowds of people took cool photos and bought some cool things :)

-so.onfridayimissedbassnectarbecauseimnottwentyoneandthatbrokemyhearttheend.

We were on the way back when Max called and asked if I wanted to go to a movie!! It was just what I wanted to hear, I was kind of feeling in the dumps, and hanging out with my big bro is usually the antidote. So we went to dinner, mom came too, at Cactus on Alki, it was fun, my spirits lifted. Of course they get tasty beverages and I have to get the virgin lavender sour, but come the end of February, I will be having Mojitos and dirty martinis in PUBLIC!
Max and I dropped momma off at home and we went to catch the 10 o clock flick of Eagle Eye, the new-ish Shia Lebough movie. I loved it. I had to pee the WHOLE time, but I couldn’t leave, there was always something MAJOR happening. Oh and he got us some Clamato and Budwieser that we smuggled in, mwahaha. Sneeeeeky.

Well this week my group presents our Michael Jackson report. 50 minutes explaining to the class why MJ was the most influential pop artist of his generation (cake!) I have come to love Michael Jackson even more than I did already; I love sitting and watching MJ videos and being able to say I’m doing homework. My group’s been kind of a pain but I’m not making a big deal out of it because I know we’ll get a good grade regardless of whether they’ll listen to my ideas to spice up the dull power point.
I get to work the next two Wednesdays for Quinn, so her and Dean can go outta town. That’s exciting, on account of I’ve been spending way too much money lately and need to stop. So some extra hours will help pull me from my splurging hangover.

OH.my.GOD. I’m so excited I can’t even begin to express, for the Twilight movie, it’s coming to a theater near me on Friday. Suzye and I, and our moms…I think, are going to see it! Hell YES.

Welp that’s all I got, so talk to you later!

Peace.

The times they are a changin.

2008-11-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

Man, yesterday was weird, a real life Wacky Wednesday. I semi-woke-up to my alarm and immediately turned it off, shrugging off my 8am math lab (so easy to do). I got up in time to make it to R&R History, then went to the 12 o’ clock math lab to make up for my morning attendance. I was kind-of, I don’t know, bewildered all day long. I think that’s what it was. Since I left my bed I had this hazy remote panic floating around me. I haven’t felt that way in a long time, and I was panicking because I remembered this feeling, vaguely resembling a meek depression. I walked through school like a zombie, and didn’t speak at all other than to thank my math professor for her signature on my make-up attendance form. It could be because I was at the mall with Bekah the day before and celebrated Veterans Day by spending WAY too much money on 2 boxes of dead sea manicure sets because the guy hypnotized me in the mall. He first put some yummy smelling lotion on the top of my hand, once that was done he reeled me in closer, asking if he can see my hand. He had a sexy Brazilian accent and he made very startling eye contact. As he buffed my middle finger nail, he explained how good this was and yaddah yah. Finally he showed my silky shiny nail, in which I could see my reflection in, and told me he’d give me the set (the yum lotion, magical buffer, nail file, and cuticle oil) for half the regular price! I was reluctant…and this he could sense. He picked up another box, and said, “okay, because I like you, and I know you really enjoy this product, I’ll give you a second set, absolutely free!” I hung my head and accepted, he got me, $75.00 later. I have two sets of incredible nail buffers. Come get a manicure.
I also spent a lot of money on food, I bought Bekah lunch and dinner. I got a new nose ring and a belt. Spending money is stressful since I work only one day a week, I REALLY have to not do that anymore. Especially with Christmas coming, and so many friends and family!

I’ve been scratching the first layer of my flesh off for the last few weeks, and it is getting progressively worse. I have red welts and bumps all over my legs, and I’m positive that the reason is my mom’s cat’s flea crisis. She denies this accusation and tells me it’s a psychological induced rash, that due to stress I itch so relentlessly. I’m going to the Doctor tomorrow after school and will get a blood test done to get to the bottom of this.

So, anyway, I wasn’t able to fall asleep till’ 2am this morning, and forgot I had my phone on vibrate, so instead of waking to Buffalo Soldier, I awoke to my phone vibrating on the ground. I drew three whole pages in my sketch book, wild images! I will scan and share them asap.
I got to go kick it with my big brother and Brett the other day (Monday) and we jammed out and they coerced me into trying something I thought looked especially revolting. (Budweiser & Clamato) Enjoyed it!

Max came over to participate, and lend a hand in the War of the Flies. I was lying in bed watching Veronica Mars season 3 (RIP) and I looked over into Jade’s cage, and notice she had flies all over her! It was horrible; she looked like one of those African children with flies in their poor little eyes. So I got all the fly swatters, took the doors off and went to freaking nuts! I was sweating and listening to my Pandora ‘The Who’ radio station. I was experiencing serial killer tactics, and decided max needed to come over and get in on this, I called him and he came over and we killed SO MANY god damn flies, and cleaned Jades cage. And then went to hang out at his placey. Very

nice

I'm off to work! xoxox

Goodmorning World!

2008-11-10T10:11:00.001-08:00

Grandma and I had a good visit on Friday. I took a bus to the Pete Gross house and called her to see how the heck I get in. She was thrilled when she answered the phone and told me she was looking right at me. There was a camera right above the door that all the tenants can watch on channel 62 to make sure the person they are buzzing in is really who they say they are! Very neat. So I waved at grandma excitedly, her excitement got me thrilled to be seen, so I blew her a kiss (and everyone else who was tuned into channel 62 as well) as she buzzed me up.
She was really frazzled, trying to organize her insurance information in her binder full of medical papers when I got there. I felt really bad because I know with all the meds they have her on, it’s hard for her to concentrate. She was trying to describe to me how she was feeling, and I just nodded told her it’s okay. That she shouldn’t worry too much about getting it all organized. I went with her on the Shuttle bus that takes her from her Pete Gross house apt 4 blocks away to the Seattle Cancer Care Allegiance clinic so she could drop off her insurance papers, because she’s being given the green light to go home now. So with this week supposedly being her last week, she’s really nervous to go home, after getting so comfortable here and being taken care of. I feel bad, because I feel like she really doesn’t want to be alone in her little beach house in Gig Harbor. But I know she’ll do great. She’s a strong person, and is the most inspirational being that I’ve even met. She will be fine!
So after we returned from the clinic, Max came and swooped us up and took us to Pacific Place for dinner. That was fun, Grandma absolutely loves seeing max and I, and we don’t get together often enough. We talked about my L&I issues for a bit, and then my schooling, and Max’s career and new love of his life. Grandma is really excited to meet Erin, Max’s new Girlfriend who lives in Hawaii and invited her to come to thanksgiving with us at Uncle Bills. Oh me oh my, Max is SO in love with this girl. I’m very happy for him, but skeptical as well, because I’m just worried he’ll get his heart broken somehow.
I have a lot to do this week with respect to school. My group in Rock and Roll History is supposed to be more advanced in a project due in 9 days about Michael Jackson and his influence on the world. It’s an hour long presentation and we haven’t gotten anything done past the outline! I’m sure it won’t be hard to get it done with the time we have left, but that’s only because of the fact that our instructor is lenient and as long as we make sense we will get a good grade. Most of the students in the class speak English as a 2nd language and hardly know how to comprehend the class as a whole.
I’m struggling with my math class. Something about math and I just don’t compute. I was taking an exam last week and I was using a multiplication table to help me save time and energy (the class is 45 minutes and that’s not a lot of time for me to get the exam completed) and a calculator... the instructor told me that I’m not allowed to use these tools(I knew). I was frustrated and told him that I’m slightly dyslexic and have trouble computing problems in my head without help from these tools. He just smiled at me and said, “what if you go to the store and have want to buy 3 cans of soup for $.80 each, how are you going to know how much money you need.” I’m positive this is the dumbest example he could have come up with, and I automatically took a sarcastic tone and told him that each are under a dollar, and if I have at least 3 buck’s I’ll have enough money.. GAHHH! He always has snot dripping down his top lip, out of his hairy nostrils, dripping into his mouth and has a really creepy throaty voice. My math teacher bothers me, needless to say. But to be honest, I’ve had a similar description for all of my past math teachers, If only I could have an extremely attractive math instructor--maybe I’ll be more likely to fill in the gaps and learn how to be better at it. Haha.

OH! And some exciting news! We’re moving into a 2 bedroom next month! I get a room! My own space! SO excited! AHHH

Have a good Monday every one!!

Update

2008-11-07T09:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday!

Well I haven’t updated in a little while, school has got me so tired lately! Plus I got the third season of Veronica Mars :)
So the weekend trip to Portland to see Chris Cornell was a success! I got to see beautiful Naomi!! I love her so much its ridiculous. I had a horrible attitude and headache the whole way down to Portland but as soon as I saw Naomi running toward me I felt infinitely better! We got to be right in the front of the stage :) so cool. I had a little bit of a headache but I toughed it out and had fun.

Welp, I have an exam on the Brittish invasion and Surf Rock next period so I have to go cram in some last minute notes!

I get to spend tha night with Grandma Sharon tonight! An update on her: CANCER FREE!!!!

Thats right, Grandmas almost on day 100 after her Marrow transplant and she's doing great! she will be home by Thanksgiving, where we will be together at her beach house eating and loving and laughing! I am so thankful my amazing Grandmother has beat her awful cancer! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOOOOOOOOH!

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!!

Much love!

The end of anticipation arrives tomorrow

2008-11-04T09:21:00.000-08:00

There glimpses of light through the foggy haze of murky gray--
People are here. Eating food and having conversations. I keep on finding myself just standing in the midst of the madness out there --just standing with the blankest look on my face.

----fin.

Some good words to read/look at.

By the time you swear you're his,

Shivering and sighing,

And he vows his passion is infinite, undying

-Lady make note of this:One of you is lying.

- - - -Dorothy Parker "Unfortunate Coincidence"

I have always hated being a liar.

- wear your best suit.

if yor going to sanfransisco

Today I'm feeling _________!

Ho Hum

2008-10-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

Hello!
These last few days have been very productive! Tuesday mom and I went Grocery and vitamin shopping (we were out of almost everything!) the only thing we didn’t get /couldn’t find is a fly swatter (and that totally sucks because there are a ton of flies that live with us). Yesterday we went downtown and shopped for Halloween make-up! It was cool; I got fangs and blood too. Even though I have to work tomorrow I’m still going to be scary DAMNINT!
I’m excited for the adventure to Portland this weekend! I need an adventure, I can’t wait to see Naomi, and be warmed by the love radiating from her! Wow, one whole night with her! SO HAPPY!
I’ll come back and post pictures later of me being a scary seductress of the undead...
I love Vampires!
I hope you are all doing SO good. xoxo

Closing out another weekend

2008-10-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

This is Bekahs bottem lip.
A blurry mixer tin

Bekah and Muchee

This....is bekah not drinking her strong cocktail I made for her. haha

This is Anika in an elephant costume drinking Framboise. Yum yum

This was before the show got shutdown, they were backstage geting all ready. :(

Hello!
Well the Hump Fest was almost a no-go due to moms illness but at the last minute she pulled through! We bussed over to Queen Anne and watched the amature porn films and rated them lol. I thought watching porn in a room with a bunch of strangers sounded like fun, but was worried that it would be weird with mom there. But they where all really funny..not porn that's like.. "Ohh this is hot, I'm horny" it was like "ooh this is funny, and I'm not turned on at all, cool" so that was neat.
My brother and Adam (his roommate) came and picked us up to go to the KUBE93 haunted house. When we got there the line was wrapped around the block 295734 times and I wasn't that excited to wait in the cold... PLUS I only had three tickets from Bekah and needed on emore because I didn't know Adam was coming too. We decided to go eat and have some mac n jacks and drop mom off and come back, which was an amazing game pan because we go there when the line was just dwindling to a small crowd. We smoked a couple bowls and got all scared, and went in. I go to see Bekah in action, being all creepy (but SOOO cute) Max and Adam and I were the VERY last people to go through, so it wasn't all that scary... but still rocked.
We wanted to go to Max's and chill but Bekah decided she was too tired, so just went we watched some family guy and I made Max drive me home at 3a.m. :-/ oh well.

Friday I was supposed to be Bekahs stage show Hardcore Saves the World, but the cops shut it down. It was so wild to be at a rave, I haven't been to one in SO long, and to see the teenage waist land just how it used to be when I was submerged in it was SUCH a trip. Bekah and her playmates were all pretty upset, because they put allot of work into the show.. so we all went to Keith's house, which wasn't far away, and got drunk and watched Planet Earth. I was blown away, and if you haven't seen it you should definitely watch... AMAZING, we watched the BBC version, muted, and blasted music. we Laughed, and cried and creamed.. What a great night! I made some new friends and got to get closer with some peeps I Haven't seen in a while, I took some funny videos too.
Well next week is Halloween! and i still don't know what I'm gonna be! I will probably just go get some gory face makeup and stick-on scratches!! I'm only gonna be working... ho hum. Then on Saturday Mom and I are renting a car and going to Portland to see the Chris Cornell concert! NAOMI IS COMING WITH US!!!! I can't find words to describe how happy I am about this! I believe we are staying in Portland, and then coming back on Sunday, but I want to stay for the sauna that Naomi tells me is so amazing.

Welp, I finished my second draft of my essay about child abuse, and i must say, I am VERY proud of it. I'll keep you posted on my grade, I should be getting in 8-10 days.

The laughter of Autumn

2008-10-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

I went to T-town and spent the night with Monica, and I spun fire...I just have been having a crazy urge to do it lately. So she took pictures, YAY. I think a burnt piece of kerosene-saturated torch flew into my open mouth, because I started choking and coughing wildly in the middle of it. Yuck yuck.

Monica took pictures of me for her photography assignment!
she's very talented.

no i didnt start smoking again.. she asked me to be a poser...I complied.

:)
she's got another really awesome one of me sitting along the old train tracks surrounded by condemned Tacoma, I'll post it later.

So it's Friday yet again! I have a good night at work last night, It was VERY busy! no one yelled at me, I accidentally ignored a costumer, that i thought i put on the list but.. they got pissed and left cause they waited longer than the other twelve groups waiting..sheesh! My mom swooped me up in her cab, on her way home from working downtown, and we stopped and got so cheese and wine :) very nice! I started an art project. hmmm OH I'm going to see Bekah perform her stage show: Hardcore Saves The World tonight. It will be the first rave I've been to sense the huge one at the Science center two years ago or so.. And on Saturday I'm going to the HUMP festival, that should be interesting! I have no idea what to expect, take a look @ HUMP!.

I hope this finds every one happy, healthy and prosperous!
xo
Syd

scribble things!! soooo cool

2008-10-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

Do it!

http://www.zefrank.com/scribbler/

The secret is in the Telling...

2008-10-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

I had such a hard time waking up today. I almost turned off my alarm and slept through my math class. But that would be bad, so I just slipped my shoes and coat on and lay in bed until I heard the loud bus outside, then ran out and jumped on it! Here I am at school like a good-girl not missing classes! But I’m hungry because I was too lazy to make a shake this morning, and I don’t even want to go into the kitchen because the dishes are sky-high and crusty, gross and smelly! Eek, I have my work cut out for me when I get home.
SO my weekend was good, I went down to Tacoma after class on Friday, I met Monica at TCC and got to see her photography class. The smell of the dark room made me nostalgic, bringing me back to high school, when I took photo every year, and a semester taking it at Highline Community college. I really MISS IT! I decided next semester I’m going to jam in one more class, Photography. It will be amazing!!
So we strutted around Tacoma taking pictures, until my batteries died, she took pictures of me for her assignment, that was neat! She took pictures of my spinal tattoo and the tattoo she did on my hip. Then went to some industrial deserted part of Tacoma, where we were stopped by the police, they left us alone when I told them we weren’t prostitutes, or crack addicts, just art students with an eye for hazardous scenery. We drank two bottles of wine and played chess and scrabble, typical old lady night! We snuggled with her kitten and took a bunch of photos, then went to bed.
I had to call West 5 Saturday morning to see if they needed me to come in, luckily Quinn loves me and told me to enjoy the gorgeous day with my friend! So Monica and I went to Value Village and I got some new jeans! They’re Lucky Brand and they’re brand new for only 9 bucks, SCORE!!! Monica put on a wedding dress for fun, and we took pics. I love that girl so much. We went to coffee in UP with Theresa, and then had to stay busy because her mom had a dinner date with a private investigator at her house, so what better way to kill time than to go to Borders! We spent three whole hours drinking coffee and looking at photography books, and Post Secret. Then she took me to the bus stop and I bussed back to Seattle and my brother picked me up downtown and we got some beer and watched three movies, and smoked three joints. I don’t really remember what we watched, but one of them was called “Strange Wilderness” or something and I laughed my ass off. The tattoos on the eye-lids is something I will never get over, SO good. And the shark laugh..ah god, good movie.

In the morning we went to breakfast and both ordered something that we really didn’t mean to order, it was very odd. Then he dropped me off at Divinas where I witnessed the worst dog fight I’ve ever seen! I felt helpless, the two Rat Terriers where ripping each other apart, the idiotic owner had the two dogs that were fighting tied to the same leash, not allowing them more than about 10 inches of space between them. God it was stressful, luckily a man saw it and pulled over, I was awestruck, and couldn’t do anything but watch in horror. The man pulled a rug from his truch and threw it over one of the terriers, who had a death grip on the other ones’ face! He got them separated enough to undo the leash of one, the whole time I was asking the stupid Asian woman what the hell she was thinking. Julie and Nita (from the salon next to Divinas) came out to see what all the commotion was about, they were shocked! And I told Nita to get her phone and call animal control, I wasn’t going to let this woman take both of the dogs back so that they could just kill each other later. The lady spoke little to no English; all she kept saying was “iss okie, diss mother - diss father, dey play all de time!” uhm… “They aren’t playing fucking idiot, look, his face is bleeding!” needless to say I was fired up, the woman’s American, perfect English-speaking husband came and took both of the dogs. I had been holding the shivering shaking dog (fucking sweetheart) his poor ear lacerated and his face swelling more by the minute. He was whimpering, and I was crying and shaking too, because I was so PISSED. Animal never showed up because it was a Sunday and there was only one animal control officer on duty in the area. Great!
Anyways, Julie and I were both really shook up, and although we had a lot of work to do, we sat and drank a beer venting about how much that just plain sucked. Then we cooked a huge delicious Mediterranean meal; with homemade taziki and hummus, and I learned how to make a Greek salad. Mmmm! Julie and Robby (an artist helping with the shop) had Lamb, and I seriously considered breaking edge and eating meat, but I decided today wasn’t the day. But I have a feeling that I won’t be able to hold out much longer, I have been getting the urge to each a big ol’ juicy steak, but the urge only last for 5 minutes and then I don’t feel that way anymore. Maybe I’ll get really wasted on New Years and just get a mixed meat sandwich (lol). Oh boy.
I’ll be posting some pictures from this weekend a little later, after I get home and get those appalling dishes done. I’m pretty sure that today is going to be the day I finally finish the last chapter of “ Breaking Dawn” I have no idea what’s going to happen, and I’ve been dragging one chapter on for almost a week and a half because I’m so reluctant to be finished with the Twilight saga that I love so much! Oh well I have another saga that Bekah’s excited to start me on.
Happy Monday everyone!!

with your roots.

2008-10-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

I did it. I got through this week! I finished my essay draft 1. I aced my math lab quiz, I'm moving onto the next class on Monday! I worked three long nights at the bar, aways a bit stressful, but I'm getting better at this fragile sensitivity sappy crap. I've gotten a lot of beautiful insight on life from my friends at work. Gee, a boy that works there, left me a note in the tip-tin that said:

"Be a tree
stand tall with your beliefs
extend your branches
to feel the light
but guard yourself
with your roots
with your roots
you hold on tight"

I'd only told him i was feeling all 'jumbled' and insecure. He doesn't talk much, but for some reason I just decided I would open up to him. I'm glad I did. I needed to hear this, it's refreshing to know that some one, for no reason other that love and care, would share with me his mantra.

my brother is talented.

have a good weekend lova(s)

some photog of myne enjoy!

2008-10-14T23:29:00.001-07:00

Spending the weekend with Bekah

2008-10-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

We tye dye'd and partied. Went to an alien party. took photos and sat in the hot tub!

English essay

2008-10-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

ok this just sucks..

*edit*

Friggity Fridizzle

2008-10-10T18:45:00.000-07:00

Well I have been meaning to post all week. But one of my English deadlines for a thesis popped up and it was STRESSVILLE! I did get a research assignment done for Rock History though, I loved it! I did a paper about the plane crash that Killed Buddy Holly, The Big Boopper, and Ritchie Valens. I was fascinated by how little articles I found. I specifically focused on the song "American Pie" by Don McLean and how the day of the crash is now known as "The Day The Music Died". sad sad.
anywho..

Unable to find a thesis for a paper I'm supposed to be writing.
This artist block that has been lingering for 2 and a half years is really starting to get old.
I am starting to believe that in order to write shit that people will like and get into I have to be drug fed and sleep deprived, maybe even depressed and co-dependent. Hell maybe even homeless.
I've been reading over stuff that I was writing when I was 16 and it's SO raw and honest. I will post one that is embarrassing but SO GOOD. I used to love just letting go and writing about what-the-hell-ever came out of the tips of my fingers as I typed.. reading it after ward it was like not even knowing what to expect. So I keep flipping through these pages of my past to find some inspiration...

...Nada.

/frustration. (For now)

I need help on my math; I'm not going to ask my mom, she really annoys me. Whether it's because I have too much pride to ask for HER help, or I just really have no patients to talk math with her... yeah that's the one, I throw up a little when I think about asking her for math help. I showed her my research paper about the plane crash just because I thought it was cool, and she's all, "yea, let me just wait to see this on the computer so we can start on a 2nd draft." and I immediately went off the deep end and started getting defensive.
"How dare you, mom, I was just showing you because I thought you might be interested in what it was I have to say, not to scrutinize my verbiage."

Ugh. I will take criticism from ANYONE, and love it, but not from her. I just CAN'T, my face turns red, my head splits and aches and I clench my fists into balls of fury. Why? No idea. I have such a short fuse with her. I love her, but when it comes down to it... I can't stand her 'momming' approach. She has good help to offer me I'm sure, but I just get really infuriated, and FAST.
I want to do it all headache free. I do it all at school because the apartment is hardly big enough for me to turn around in, I don’t have a room and space to think and be organized. I wish I could afford to live in a place with Bekah, She makes me so happy. <3 I’m going to tough this all out, and take advantage of living in a place for free rent. Try to keep a firm hold on my sanity (and GPA).

So anyways, I just ranted. My head is stuffed.

I darted outta school today, I have been waiting all week for Friday. I bussed my way up to Bekah Boo. I helped her make a clown suite.. Well ok I just sewed beanie baby heads on for big buttons and watched TV while she did it.. it turned out amazing! and now we are gonna go to the KUBE93 haunted house. SO STOKED! ahh

I worked allot this week! This is a good thing on account that I feel very broke after having to donate 400 bux to my moms over drafted bank account :( well when she pays me back I may just have enough to get a car, or if I wait 3 more months I might even be able to get Julie's VW that she wants me to have<3
SOOO I have been blasting Sublime alot more than normal lately. and I have decided that it must be done.. I'm getting the Sublime Sun tattoo'd on me. i cant decide between my other hip..(Brandon Boyds art is on my left) or my backshoulderarea.

LOOOVE Sublime.
:)
OH I also plan to get the Floyd Flowers too. FORNICATION BABY!

So It's been a stressful week, and I'm all ready to get all Scared at a haunted house! woohoo!

Poetpopulist.org

2008-10-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hey anyone who reads this should go vote for my creative writing teacher Mike Hickey.

www.poetpopulist.org

check out his poem(s)

he is awesome :)

thanks

Heheh:)

2008-10-07T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am thoroughly confused about the html of this whole PHOTOBLOGGING fiasco!

Uhm, I have no idea how to organize any captions or text to these. So here's a cutie picture Post. I'll have more of these.. I will try and keep updating new photo shoots I do. :) I<3>

Ahh.. well, If you are confused...GOOD cuz so am I!

To unpathed waters, undreamed shores

2008-10-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well my bus adventure was very chill. I got from Tacoma to Bothell in one painless piece. I hiked about 4 miles in all in the rain and wind, the bus driver forgot where to turn, and that threw me way off course. So when I made it to Bekah’s at around seven I was set on spending the night. 
The next morning (this morning) I slept in rather than waking up at the ass crack of dawn, and busing to school, instead I skipped two whole classes and got a ride to South Center with Bekah. She made me eggs before we left, which I made intp a peanut butter-egg and cheese sandwich. She was disgusted with me… I don’t see why, I make friggin’ TASTY sydwitches!
Well here I am, finally at school, just a little late. Some boy tapped me on the shoulder and I was startled, because I don’t know A SOUL on this campus. I thought it would be the mean library security guy telling me to put my bottle of water away, or to stop texting, like he usually does. But it was a dude that I used to run into at raves back in the day. I forgot his name but he know mine, and that made me feel inadequate, I wish I could just be like, “yeah, hi I remember you but not enough to remember your name…” He always messages me on MySpace too, but that doesn’t help because he’s name on there is “GET DRUNK” he was telling me about how he’s in treatment… though he wreaked of alcohol.
Anyway, speaking of reek…Someone in my general vicinity really smells bad, like bad poop breath and Indian food… UGH. Yuck yuck.

So Bekah and I had a really optimistic car ride from Bothell to south center! We spoke of goals and happiness, reassuring each other that we are capable of doing anything that we put our minds to. I want to get a camera (recording kind…) so I can start making movies. I was watching one at Jeff’s the other night, and I REALLY want to tape stuff I experience and make it into a rad music video. I want to do SO much! Much more than I ever remember wanting to do. I will follow Kale’s “possibilities” board Idea and make a collaborative file of photos and aspirations! Filled with words like “YES” and “because I CAN” and “Health” and “WEALTH” things of that sort.

I better go catch up on my math home work now.

OH, and that picture post I've been talking about, I WILL do it tonight. Or I will turn into a pile of poo. mom's been kicking me off the comp lately..to do her e-mails. I have determination.

Fallen Season.

2008-10-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

It's hard to beleive it's almost HALLOWEEN!
Last night Monica, Talia and I went over to Jeff's with Suzye and Randy and Ashley. I had SO much fun with all of them! I miss my friends very, very much. We played russian Ruellette and Kinds cup, till Suzye fed it to the carpet and all the smokers stepped out for a break. It was refreshing. I love them all. Now I'm here at monicas, About to go on another long bus adventure back to Bekahs, Because My phone is dead and I left my charger at her house. I am pretty excited though, to be honest. I'm glad I get to go see her once more before monday plagues me with a new week of.. whatever. lol.
I have a beautiful kitten on my lap righ tnow, One of Bones's Kittens that monica got, adn calls him Maxwell. So presious.. when he's not being a little hell child. My lap is very hot.
My book is getting rediculous!! Im stoked for the bus ride (if I dont fall asleep) I will be reading and gasping.. and drooling.
SUzye, you should send me those hawt sexy pics. xoxox
ok. thats my quickie update - maybe more later when i get home.

Grumble grumble.

2008-10-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

My stomach has been rumble/grumbling for the past two days. It's annoying.
Guess what?! I splurged yesterday and got a one hour massage, and it was amazing! I needed it SO bad. Being so off my rocker lately. I then went to work at the bar and EVERY ONE WAS NICE TO ME! It was very slow because of the VP debates I assume so i got to get outta there early, and Mom was on the computer when i got home (i was going to do a picture post) so I just west strait to bed. I finished Eclipse last night so i had no reason to stay up until my eyes wouldn't stay open, but I was out pretty damn fast and dreamed about weird things that I don't remember now. I remember one; I woke up and looked at my phone and it was 8:30am and I was a bout to freak out and jump out of bed (late for class) but then I just put my phone down and went back to sleep until my alarm work me up. Remembering my dream I looked at the clock and was relieved to find that It was 6:00am plenty of time to get ready and take the bus and get to class on time.
Every morning someone gets on the bus a wreaks of tuna fish. It's disgusting.
I was more observant this morning because I didn't have my face glued to my book (I'm getting the last one from Bekah today!)
Bekah and I are hanging out today!!
And then I'm going to see Monica in Tacoma!!

YAY I have weekends again!! I'm so glad I quit Luna Park. I NEED this weekend!

I would really like to make a picture post.. But i don't know if I can from school.. Cuz.. they're not in the files.
oh well it will happen soon enough.
well I have to pee so bad, I'm pretty distracted I just wanted to keep up with my blogging.

Ciao

A breath of fresh air!

2008-10-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

I slept so soundly last night, I woke up with just enough time to eat my oats and skip out the door to catch the bus. I wasn't too cold and I am to the very last pages in the book (I'm pacing myself to make it last longer because I have to wait till Friday to get the next one). I was very observant (I just had the hardest time trying to remember what that word was...weird) on the bus this morning, my second full week of fall quarter, and I notice the same people get on every morning, I’ve also noticed three other people so far (not counting me) reading the twilight series (it’s spreading). I watched the Brad Pitt movie, ‘Seven Years in Tibet’, last night. And I loved it. Acting is fascinating! I’m strongly considering taking up theatre as an elective here at school. Just for a taste.

In my History of Rock and Roll class we watched a movie on racism in the south in the 1950’s. The video showed the open casket funeral of Emmitt Till (a 14 year old boy who was beaten beyond recognition and then shot in the head for saying “bye baby” to a white woman in a corner market before integration in 1955 Mississippi-her brother-in law and husband where guilty...but of course they weren’t charged with the murder) I fought to hold back tears. I’m so sensitive. I don’t know if it’s just lately, or if this is just how I am.

I haven’t been single in a while, and I think that, that might have something to do with my insecurity and anxiousness lately. It’s great. I have had a chance to think about me, spend time meditating on what I want and not focusing on making someone else happy to distract myself from that. I’m coming around to myself, and finding focus on what’s important to me, and people who are important to me. All that pish posh at Luna Park, with people testing and trying me, doesn’t matter and I know I shouldn’t let them (or what they might think about me) get to me. Because they really don’t give a shit about me, and why should I care? *smile*

I’m sitting in the Library/computer lab here at school. And there are a bunch of loud boys (G’s..?) across the table, talking about MySpace, and saying shit a lot, I happened to check my MySpace mail roughly 3 minutes later, and there was a message that said “what it do shawtayy hi hi hi..halla at yuh boy what up dreads” and I looked up and one of the boys waved at me, grinning from ear to ear. He had a long heavy-looking silver chain with some symbol I didn’t recognize, huge diamond squares on each earlobe, a baggy white tee and a doo rag. I love White Center. There must be a lot of alcoholics that go to school here, because the last two days here in the library I have caught random whiffs of people who sit next-to or across from me and it’s almost like a wasted man breathing 3 inches from my face at the bar. Hmm

Well I’m eager to go home and make a second post. It will be a photo post because Suzye just posted some photos from EmergeNsee! I love looking at photos, so I will post some for you all to enjoy, where ever you all are in the world!

XOXO

Why oh why?

2008-09-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep at about 12:30am after reading 3 chapter of Eclipse and half a chapter from my History or Rock & Roll text. But this morning I woke up at 3am, went pee, and all these self-conscious thoughts, worries and stresses flooded my brain. I was thinking about the people at Luna Park, how I had accidentally opened my big mouth and shit-talked one of the women there (I'm sure by now it's gotten back to her) She deserved it, but I never want to be the one that is gossiping, and venting aimlessly to people who I don't know or care about. So I digress, from this day on I will not speak of negative things to anyone, I will try my best to be peaceful and pleasant no matter how I really feel. Some people are just so good a blending in and not letting what's bothering them effect their overall mood. It will take some effort, but I need to try to not be so sensitive.

I left my camera in the girls car that drove me home the other night, I am pretty sure. And I really want it back. but P.j. wont respond to any of my calls or texts. LAME. I have to go to Luna today after school sometime anyhow and pick up my 2nd to last paycheck. I shudder when I think about all the bad energy there. I don't know why I'm such an emotional mess right now, I can't believe I couldn't fall back asleep due to worrying what people think about me. Stop being so sensitive Sydney!

I'm going to stop freaking out now :)

Bekah and I are going for Sushi and a movie on Friday! I can't wait. we're going to see Nick and Norah's' Infinite Playlist! It's got the cute boy from Juno (Michael Cera).

I think by then I'll have finished the 3rd book in the Twilight Saga, Eclipse and be able to move on the the 4th, Breaking Dawn! I love that I am so easily amused when it comes to love stories. I wish I could fall asleep and just dream myself into the book. I want to be bella, her life is so exciting. There's really never a dull moment, She's in love with a vampire, that is begging her to marry him so he can change her into a vampire and they live happily ever after for all eternity as immortals. AND have a young Werewolf in love with you, AND be hunted by a vengeful vampire who's mate was murdered by her hunky vampire lover. ah god. I'm loving geeking out to this. I am excited for the movie to come out next month. I hope its not disappointing, as movies tend to be after reading the book in all its glory. I want to get a big ol clan together who loves twilight, like Bekah and Suzye and Bekahs lil sis Clara, My lil sis Kyndall, Toni from my work.. all my buddies that are in just as deep as I am and dress up and go to the midnight showing of the movie when it comes out! :) Ahh. I am starving for some romance. Maybe I just need to suck it up and become an actress so I can live out these fantasies.

Now I'm all floaty.

Good day

Hello Monday!

2008-09-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

So last night was my last shift at Luna Park Café! It was horrid at the beginning, but toward the end, it was quite possibly the best time I’ve had under that roof! When I first got there it was packed and there was a posse of Luna employees (including managers) sitting along the bar having drinks after their morning shift, one of them being Heather Hess, the manager of Luna Park. Now, I don’t smoke like everyone else at Luna Park does, so I don’t take frequent 5 minute breaks, instead I make myself a fruit smoothie and sip it in between busing tables and seating new customers. Heather saw me take one of my drinks of the delicious smoothie and locked eyes with me. She marches over and, very sarcastically, says to me, “Can you maybe do your job instead of drinking a smoothie, Thanks! Autumn is over there hostess-ing, and she is very unhappy about it!” I roll my eyes at her frosty request, It’s my last day and she’s gotta be a bitch to me, Figures! So I start storming around there, sour attitude in check, not making eye contact with anyone, busting ass and getting shit done, like I always do, but somehow always gets over-looked by the ass hole managers. AHHH! So I started calming down, Autumn came over and told me not to listen to Heather, that she’s a bitch and we all know it. So then me, being so sensitive and fragile, started unloading what Heather had said, how I feel and started crying. Then Autumn quietly took my hand, and asked me to come take a break with her, everyone on shift was standing around us giving me group hugs (cute!) and reassuring me that Heather Hess is in-fact a huge bitch. They all encouraged me to go take a break with Autumn L She led me upstairs (conveniently she lives in the apartment above Luna Park) and into her apt. there was a shiny bong, and she loaded me a bowl! What a girl! I calmed down, and the rest of the shift was a blast! It was so slow and we all planned a Party at P.J’s after work, my “Going away Party”. It was fun, I haven’t been terribly social like that in a long time, and it’s a good muscle to exercise from time to time. So here I am, at school (yes I missed first period math lab at 8am, but I needed the sleep) But I am here now!!

*whisper*I’m not sure who all reads this; I hope my mom isn’t reading it because I am compelled to write about something that has me a little (maybe more -that depends) irked. So someone asked if I would loan them $400 because they over-drafted buying $10 martinis and Chris Cornell concert tickets. They bought the tickets for both Seattle AND Portland, for themselves my brother and I. I don’t particularly want to go. This someone being a complete Chris Cornell Fanatic just doesn’t want to go alone. Needless to say that’s a lot of money to loan to someone, especially because I hardly even have that much money to my name, not to mention the idiocy and carelessness of over drafting on such overindulgences. */whisper*

SO anyways, Vanessa and I decided to skate it up on Saturday night after I got off work. We skated the Alki Strip 2 whole times! YOWZAH! My calves and hammies are sore, but not as sore as I thought, I did take a spill towards the end of our run, I was fairly fatigued and hit a pebble at just the right velocity to launch my off my long board. I could have easily pushed my leg out in front of me to catch my fall and recover, but I really wanted to lay down anyways, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I’m left now with a bruised knee-cap! (A small price to pay). The weather allowing this hobby is dwindling now, and I won’t be able to do it much longer winter on its way. Vanessa and I talked about moving to Cali together when she graduates next year. We would be able to skate 365 days a year, not worry about torrential rains or frostbitten ears. We fantasized for a while, and I really want to do it. I want all my friends to come too! I want to get really good at surfing, and just be a full on beach bum. Why not?

Hooblah!

anyways.. I'm starving. and I should do some math and English like a good girl.

grumble

2008-09-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

So it's thursday already. I just got out of my Math lab, I took my diognostic test, and have to wait till tomarrow to get the results, I guessed a lot! I didn't think I wasn't going to be allowed to use a calculator :( Most of the stuff was there, at the tip of my brain, but I couldnt remember all those formulas I learned 3+ years ago. So no matter which module I place I'm pretty confident that I can learn (re learn) the formular pretty fast.
What makes all this a little easier is that I don't really have anything to distract me, other than one more season of veronica Mars, and mine and Bekah's book-love affair sleepovers. I do still have west 5, the weekend will be the last weekend I work at Luna Park. I just had enough and I need more time on my hands than that place was demanding of me. Well not even that Luna park even schedualed me that much.. it was just bad juju stressy poo poo.
Me journalism class got canceled. So I need to figure out another class that can possibly take it's place. SO I'll possibly come back adn post some more later.
I have alot of reading to do for my english online class, Instead of just listening in class to the discussions, I have to read them on a message board. ugh.
This is what I signed up for.

I am hungry.

Until later! CIAO

Monday Monday

2008-09-22T10:16:00.001-07:00

Mondays are BACK! Real Mondays that actually mean Getting up when it's still dark outside, falling asleep on the bus to school. I can't lie, I am very stoked that I'm doing this finally, and Doing it right! 3rd times a charm right? I am enrolled at South Seattle CC in an AA program, I'm taking 15 credits to include Modular Math-English comp-Media Writing. I'm taking my first Online course, English, it's going to be more of a challenge than I thought! I am about to get more full time hours at West 5 so I think that the less time I have to be on Campus the better. I start at 8am and get outta here at 1pm. Not bad. I put in my two week notice at Luna Park. The Hostess manager got to me, well, everything there sorta got to me. I don't NEED that job, I'm going to be suffocating myself with busy tasks, due dates, late nights working at the bar, early mornings on Seattle Metro buses. I am Resilient! I can DO THIS and well! I definitely need a car though, I don't have nearly enough saved yet, but it would make my life allot easier.

In other news, Bekah and I got to hang out on Monday and I got the Second book in the Twilight saga!! I'll be done with it today, and need to get the third asap! It's so gripping, I love having a good book with me where ever i go, makes the bus ride more entertaining! I have 2 hours between my Math class and Writing class so that gives me some time to catch up on blogging :) and reading what my friends are up to in the world. Being so busy all the time is not that helpful to keeping in touch with my loves. But I can blame life for that. I'm going to have to be busy and keep busy if I want to reach my goals. Speaking of goals, it feels really good to be able to say I am enrolled in fall quarter, I have hours at West 5, I got insurance (SR22).
So this week my goals are:

Renew my Licence
Buy a bus pass
Get the 3rd book from Bekah
Study to place high in the diagnostic math test =/
Put things in the mail that i have been putting off for a few weeks
Call Grandma

I'm sure there's more that I want to do today.. But as a long standing goal I want to keep my blog updated daily.

My head hurts. I should get some thing to eat before next period.

ciao!

2008-09-18T04:07:00.000-07:00

I'm to that point in being kept up all night (wee morning) by various things, that I wonder if it would really do much good to go to sleep just to get oh.. 2.5 HRS of sleep.. IF that. What I want to know is, why the hell does Houston (cat) Have to shit so much. AND why is the catbox but 4 feet away from the couch, where in which I sleep? I've scooped is unfathomable rank catshit out of BOTH the litter boxes -going on- 3 times in the last 3 hours.. I hear him over there making it about to be 4 times. Ok, Veronica Mars (I got the second season today from the Library-superexcited-) kept me awake until about 12am. and then i layed there unable to slip into a slumber, so I could be somewhat rested upon waking up at 6am for my workday tomarrow. i work at the cafe until 4 and then at the bar from 5 till 12am... I'm hoping that Kalilah (co-worker at cafe) will switch me shifts for friday, so i can start at 7 and be off by 3pm so i can go Do The Puyallup with my amazing family I never get to see.

Holy
Shit
*literally*

I'm gaging.

this is so wonderful.

anyways. If anyone's out there, cross your fingers that Kalilah takes my offer to switch me shifts..

goodmorning.

busy busy

2008-09-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

Well after thinking that I would have Saturday off, Dev (jerk from West5) called to remind me that I had agreed (about a month ago) that I would cover his shift tonight. I was totally down with working at West 5 as always, because I love it there! I got to see Jana, who got fired from Luna Park shortly after I started working there. And I also saw Gayle (the cook at Luna).

Whenever I work at the bar, compared to when I work at Luna, it's almost as if I'm not even working, I'm just hanging out with friends at a bar! Of course not drinking...but it's just so fun!

So anyway, My book I started last week is amazingly captivating. I can't put it down, nearly reading all 650 pages in 3 days. Lucky for me there's 3 more books the same size after I finish this one. :) I'm glad I have such a sweet escape.

Today I work until close at Luna *shrug*. My last shift there(Friday) I confronted the Host manager, Suzy and asked her face to face whether I had done some thing or not to make her specifically short with me. I see her yuckin' it up with the other employees there, laughing and joking around like humans do, but it's gotten very tough for me to overlook the fact that as soon as she looks in MY direction she glares and tells me to do something. So after getting a huge list of chores done, and being reprimanded like a 5 year old, I simply asked her if she had a moment to talk to me. She had a suspicious/curious look, but she complied and asked em whats up. Whenever I express myself to someone, especially an older woman that has been being mean to me, I revert back and immediately get teary-eyed because of my bunk childhood. I brought to her attention that i had been noticing that she's been specifically short with me starting at day ...3. and I asked her if there was something I specifically did to deserve it.. all she said in response was,"welcome to management life honey" then she was gone.

No. I've been a manager myself. and there really is no need. Some people there noticed her unfairness toward me and consoled me telling me (what i thought was jokingly until more and more people said it) "it's just because you are young and hot, and the is old and ugly." I'll take that. hehe.

shake it off.

So friday night after skating Alki all the way home, slipping into my Jammie's and curling in to bed with my glass o' wine and my book, my kitty-cat curled up next to me. I stroked his long, soft belly hair and then to my horror (and surprise) he latched onto my unsuspecting wrist chomped his fangs into the fragile flap of skin between my thumb and pointer finger, held my wrist with his front paw and started scratching my wrist with his back talons! I was in shock, I tried to shake him off but he only squeezed tighter.. I started to cry because a:)it hurt and b:)My feelings were hurt! finally he loosened his hold on my and a shoved him off the bed, where he sat meowing at me, like he was pissed at me for pushing him off the bed. I looked down at the burning bloody mess and there was a shit ton of stinging cat scratches all along my most important vein in my wrist. Thanks Houston.

Sheesh. Now people are going to think I have issues.

Ah heck, the sun is shining today, and I refuse to let Luna park, regardless who's working, get me down today. I LOVE LIFE

2008-09-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

Oh my. This week has flown right by. I got enrolled in my associates program at SOUTH on Monday, I'm now enrolled in English102, Math82, Journalism. I am going to try doing the online course for English, because the only times available where peek times to be working at the bar/cafe. Speaking of cafe; Luna Park basically ripped me off on hours (whats new?) the scheduled me to work tonight, Thursday from 5-close, which is the only day that I repeatedly remind every one there that i work at West 5 THURSDAYS ONLY. So i just told them.. that I can't work on Thursdays, I would have worked for some one this morn.. and then left in time to get to the bar by 5. but no takers, so I said I just wouldn't be able to make it. I worked at the bar tonight, found out that Toni is reading the same book as me.. well I'm only on book 1 of 4. and she's on the last one. So I'm uber excited to be able to have something in common with someone there and now have something to occupy the dull silent slow times. HAHA.

In other news, Julie Anderson came into the bar today and extended an invitation to a cocktail party at John Benet's (the owner of Luna Park). Mind you; the last time i spoke to Julie was when she stiffed me when i was doing chores around her shop and gardening for her for $15/HR but she decided I only deserved to be payed for the project. yeah anyways I mouthed off to her face and to Sandie, (who ended up telling her what i said..Karma's a bitch) So Julie and I haven't spoken since the beginning of August. I have to admit, I missed the lady. I was so close to writing her a letter of apology. Not having anything imp articular to be sorry for.. but i just hate it when there's bad blood. Bad news is that I wont be able to make it to the cocktail party (I miss those most about our friendship) haha. I have to work tomorrow from 2 until 11. oh well Ill have me own cocktail party!! I can't tear my face away from this book I've been reading anyways! I'm Reading "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer. It's a love story about a girl and a vampire. Since I have zero romance in my life (applause please) I'm living Vicariously through Bella. Edward is so dreamy, I wish a magical, mysterious man would sweep me out of the way of an oncoming, potentially deadly, vehicle. I just finished the 1st season of Veronica Mars (AWESOME) Between Luna Park, West5, Grandma, school, Twilight, Veronica Mars and Love letter writing; My life is jam-packed with excitement.

That's right I said love letter writing.

Grandma Called me today, I was shopping downtown with mom. She assured me it wont be long and she'll be out there with us shopping and going to cafes again (our old weekend ritual). I miss her so much, she sounds great though, healthy, not too tired like she sounded when she first got sick. I mailed her the sweetest card I could collaborate last week, and she called to tell me she received it, and she started crying. She told me that she'd always have it, that it meant the world to her. I'm glad. I wrote some quotes that she once gave me, very uplifting and encouraging quotes. When I would stay the night at her house in Gig Harbor, before she sent me off to school in the morning, she would make me a lunch. I would be so eager to read the sticky note she put in there, always setting my mood straight to conquer high school. here's one of my faves:

"Set high standards for your life, love, creativity and wisdom. If you do

every day and every decade will be worth looking forward to!

Run, run, run! Feel the energy!

Love,

Grandma"

I think that was a day I have to run the mile for PE or something.. I don't know where she came up with all of them, but without fail every morning, I would have a scrumptious lunch, and an uplifting, strengthening tidbit on a pink sticky note. I love you SO much Grandma! Beat your cancer! I can't imagine the world without you in it..

off to read my book. Once I dry my eyes. Goodnight.

hmmmm,

2008-09-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

Last night vanessa spent the night. It was great to see her! she's been all up and down the west coast roadtripping before she's gotta start school again. Oh how I envy travelers, adventurerers(..?) This summer has been well, I don't want to say dissapointing, but very uneventful. OHmWELL. I will just ahve to work extra hard this year to get on the right track. Or just any track at all. I have been feeling very optomistic and hopeful, excited even, for starting school AS WELL AS working 2 jobs (and at the moment only having my legs, a long board, and a broken bike).

My Grandma sent me a BEAUTIFUL card. In the shape of a butterfly (a pink butterfly)! And arounf the outer edges it has lime green filmtrim. She put a check in there for $250 to help me with my fees to get my license reissued. And for my fees at the Library. I left my Ghost World soundtrack in Portland, and D.J. was supposed to send it to me but it never got here.. so I owed the library 28 bucks. :( I LOVE my grandma. She (i don't know if I've mentioned it yet) Is currently residing at Seattle Cancer Care Alligence. She got diagnosed with lukemia shortly after being hospitalized for passing out for no reason while working (as a house cleaner). I remeber the first time Max and I went in to see her. She had just found out what it was. And she hugged me hard and started crying.. I haven't seen grand,a cry since I was staying in Clevland OH. with her and her (now) ex-husband. He came home after Grandma and I had no clue where he was.. I was all of maybe 11 years old. When we did here him come home, He said hello and I yelled,"where have you BEEN Grandpa!?" no, not in a 'you're hiding something' kind of a way more like a 'wow we didnt hear from you all day and it's real late!' So any was when grandma and I came upstairs with the laundry Grandpa was sitting at the table.. he scolded me for asking him where he'd been and told me it was none of my damn business. Grandma tried to step in and tell him not to get after me about it.. that it's really what the two of us where wondering. He then started yelling at her (not obvious at all that he is trying to hide something) so grandma whipered for me to go to my room. It didn't do any good because I heard his voice booming through all of the 4 rooms that separated us. This finally quieted down and my door slowly opened, and grandma closed the door behind her. Her face was pink and her eyes were cherry red. She sat on my bed with me tried to say "I'm sorry." But her lips curled and her face scrunched, just like I looke when i cry. I hugged her, not fully undersdtanding then, that that was the day Grandma found out her husband was seeing someone else. anyway.. that's the onyl other time I've seen Grandma cry. But to wrap this all up, she's sounding so great, and hopefully I can get some time to visit her soon. It's been about 30 days since her Bone marrow transplant. She's going to beat Cancer!!! :)

anyways. I'm off to a 10 hour shift a Luna Park. ahhh, I am optomistic. I have a pulled calf muscle from skating Alki stretch the last 2 nights. so this might not be so fun. I am optomistic.

what is my deal!!?

2008-09-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
(since I'm literally the ONLY one reading this)
It feels lately as though I have to try REALLY hard to please people. It take a lot out of me, and it's something I've never felt I had to do before. when I'm working at West5 everyone sorta seems angry, so naturally I always want everyone to be smiling, so I put an extra skip in my step, rub peoples backs and even tell jokes (no one ever laughs). Ugh, I'm joust not going to try as hard, and just do my own smiley thing. I just want every one to like me. I always thought this was automatic. Hmm. Well anyway, Monica and I went to Lakewood and some surrounding beaches and took pictures. I got real artsy and last night I was able to upload some good ones onto back2thestars.deviantart.com and I got allot of comments and favourites in the first 2 hours! I'm really excited to start school again, it's been a while. well, I'm at the Library, I have to go mail a couple things to people I love. More on life later.
xo.