What we got will turn your brain into sh*t!

It's 11:26 on Tuesday.

I just had the most amazing three days.

I just Said goodbye to Kale and his parents. I fell in love. And want to shout out so many thank yous to Mark and Sue for letting me tag along. Thank you so much for welcoming me to soak as much time as possible before your son went off to Europe. It means allot to me and I can't thank you enough (I am also eating cheese cake and listening to all the new Elton songs on my ipod..thank you Sue!!)

Now I have to shake the poo outa my head, get my feet back on the ground and get back to business at hand. I have gone through such a whirlwind of emotions (mostly just gooey, earth shattering love) that I am a little air headed lately. I'll explain and go into more detail later. But for now I have to go manifest some fast-track study, straight A Student behavior. I have to go to work tonight... ugh. As you can plainly see my head is still in fairy-tale-land and it's hard to function; I feel very indecisive.

Three days of missing classes isn't good - but I'm going to kick ass and make time go by faster by burying myself in textbooks and school notes. soon I'll be in Hawaii and loosing track of time and not long after THAT I'll be back in the loving arms of my gorgeous man!
OK Sydney pull yourself together!!

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Ma

Mom,
You never read my blog. I don’t think you even know how to find it on this World Wide Web. But even though, it is mother’s day.
Sometimes, when I sit back and reflect on my life, I wonder how things would be if you and dad never got divorced. Or what it would be like if the joint custody thing worked and you’d never moved to Arizona. I also reflect on the hundreds of varying versions of stories I’ve heard about why you left in the first place. Completely fled the state. Giving up all motherly responsibility after the divorce. I was all of a year old ( I think) when you left. I remember the ripe aroma of drama in the house when you would call (a week late) to wish Max or I happy birthday or merry Christmas or whatever holiday. We would be so happy and I think it hurt Tina’s feelings that we loved you so much even though you totally ditched and never called or came to visit. There are so many wholes in my childhood where I have no idea who to believe. I have no idea why you and dad even dated, let alone eloped, not to mention fornicated and, ahem had BABIES… only to immediately split. As frustrated and confused as I am I’m also extremely grateful. I couldn’t have asked for a better set of genes to be passed so there must have been some cosmic energy surrounding the whole thing. You and dad HATE each other with a passion that sweats and pukes over anyone who has to hear or see it. So I guess with this I’m trying to say thank you for making me. I love life. I love being able to grow and learn and breathe and experience things and see the beauty of this incredible life.
And this being said I also wonder if how you feel about our separation during my wee years. What it feels like for you to have left us, max and I (your little tiny babies!) for so long to be raised by some other woman. And even more I think about how bad you must feel after learning how this woman treated us. I have a lot of feeling and emotions on this that I don’t exactly know what to do with. But I love you mom. I feel a deep soul connection with you, where sometimes it seems that you aren’t my mother. It’s hard for me to believe you even have had children, which trips me out, but that’s how I feel.
You get it though. You get a lot of things that I do not. I am still very young and I am one to respect and admire elders no matter how sane they may seem (no offence if you ever catch wind of this post) You never talk much about the deep shit, you keep that to yourself, but you are doing a great job at putting me back together. Paying my tuition, sleeping on the couch, so that I can sleep in a bed, putting up with my mood swings and buying me bananas and feeding me and staying positive even though we are living in a one bedroom apartment that’s falling apart. You’re doing your own thing, how you want to. Sometimes I don’t understand but that’s how it goes I suppose. I respect your choices and admire your ambition and am very grateful you believe in me so much as to pay (out the ass per quarter) for me to get an AA transfer degree at a ghetto Community College so I can possibly go to a 4-year college and be able to do amazing things. I know for a fact that no one believes in me quite as much as you do. You never have anything bad to say -normally you just contradict any negativity and turn it into a glass-half-full scenario. I love you. That’s all I want to say really. Thanks for beleiving in me.

Thanks for my big brother too. I wouldn't want to be here without him. You done good.

so much is rushing through me but i have to stop here so I can call my babe. I'm distracted just thinking about it and I am completely worthless.

Happy mothers day moms.

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AHH too excited to think of a good title. ONE WEEK!

Ok I’m snuggling into my computer chair. My mom is out with a friend so I should be uninterrupted long enough to make a genuine blog update including some the things I’ve been leaving out of my current vapid blogging streak (sometimes not blogging at all) and that I definitely would like to put out there. I’m not quite sure how it’s going to go, I’m guessing I’ll start out very disorganized and get into a flow towards the end… here goes: (edit: I ended up not finishing or posting..whoops)

First and Foremost: We’re now in the single digits in the countdown of what may be the most exciting couple of days of all time. So since I know my friends all know the obvious and won’t be the least bit surprised or hurt (I hope?) to put first the fact that my love is coming home on the 16th. I haven’t seen him since New Years and since then we’ve been growing in love over a two thousand mile distance with the help of phone lines, snail mail (beautiful packages and letters), E-mail, Skype and psychic-cosmic-soul mate-telepathy. So, with that being said, on the 15th Bekah turns 21! Hell yes! Although I’ll be working I’m hoping that when I get off she’ll still be vertical and painting the town pink so that I can wish her happy birthday and buy her a drank! Lindsey is finally back after her journey through the center of the earth! I’ve missed her so much and can’t wait to hear her stories about the wild adventure she’s just returned from! Suzye is getting back on the 15th from Australia and this is excellent! I’ve been raising her plants and thinking about her and missing her everyday when I water them, or while I’m singing to my kombucha. I can’t wait to see you all.

For all the confused ones out there I’m making this a …

NEWS FLASH!
CAPTAIN PLANET PARTY:
Where: OLYMPIA (@suzye and randys)
When: Saturday the 16th!
Who: everyone except Joseph!
Why: Because it’s going to be a coming together like you wouldn’t even believe if I even could find the words to explain how fucking incredible it’s going to be. I’m serious guys we’re bringing down the sun the moon and the stars with this one so I’m not joking you, YOU BETTER BE THERE (AHEM … Lindsey!!)
STOKED!

Ok, moving on.

So with all this excitement and exhilaration building up it’s been pretty hard to stay focused on the NOW and keep puttin’ along. But everything is going really well for me in almost every aspect. Schools going smoothly I’m taking all seriously difficult classes that I’ve been oddly doing very well in. I’ve gotten A’s on all my exams (2 in ENV and 1 in Logic and 1 in Math) without really stressing over books, staying up all night studying or anything! So school’s being good to me. I’ve been brewing my Kombucha and that feels SO amazing! Seriously, I love it so much!

Not only is it extremely satisfying being able to create such an amazing, healthy, delicious drink that nourishes the mind body and soul; but also I’m so inspired to try tons of new things and learn more and create other things with my own hands so I don’t have to pay money to buy it at the store.

I’ve started my own little ghetto porch garden too! And even though I can’t even plant in a real garden, I’m so content. I’ve been getting up on Sunday mornings and going to the farmers market (West Seattle Sunday Market) before I go to the gym or on my way home. I got some kale starts (hehe I love Kale) and have been making friends. I’ve made serious note of how kind calm and pleasant people are who grow things. The man who sold me my kale starts, when I was giving him my three dollars pulled one of the droopy leaves off, smiled and me and said, “he doesn’t need this one, just be sure to plant them a foot apart, they’re guna get real big and feed you good for a while!” and the positive energy he was emanating was huge and warm! So great. I just wish I had a bigger space to do all the things I want to do. I guess just baby steps huh? One thing at a time. I feel like I can just conquer everything right now...but then I look around the apartment and get so discouraged and stressed out grr.

Sooo I did get all settled in when I started this blog post…but then had to call Kale and never got it posted so I’m at school (2 days later) and I’m just gunna throw this on the blog and try and update later whenever I can. I’m so scatterbrained lately with all this excitement building! AHHHH MY BABY’S COMING HOME!!

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a quickie

It’s so beautiful today. I’m so groggy and out of it though. I don’t have the energy to write about what I’ve been doing. I got to picnic in the park on Sunday with Bekah and Ashley. Then Ashley and I went to this really cool bar/restraint call Bleu. It’s on Broadway next to American Apparel, I highly recommend this place.




They played the best music, its so warm and comfy, you get to tuck yourself away into these little cubby holes and eat and drink and decipher all of the random jottings all over the low ceiling and walls. The menu has a bunch of Alice in Wonderland photos and the names of their drinks crack me up. (Suzye, you would love it!) also Keith showed Bekah and I think really sweet nook in Capitol Hill.. it’s this secluded little Garden of Eden, so hidden and magical, coincidently we got there right at sunset and I had tears in my eyes. I took some pictures to try to capture it, but they’re cell phone photos and don’t do it much justice but I’ll share anyways.
I have to study for my Logic exam tomorrow then head to work. Then I get to call my baby! I wish I could just fast forward to the good stuff!

I have more to say but like I said I’m not feelin the blogging lately.

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Nanunah nan un ahhh

Oh so busy lately. Work and school and going to the gym and busing in between. I’m cramming in reading my text books on the bus. The good thing of it all is that time is flying by. This week was over in a flash. I know it’s still Thursday but it feels like Friday, and it will be in just another blink of my eye. This is fantastic because the faster time goes the fast I get to see Kale. And, really, that’s what has been keeping me going about my days so enthusiastically. Being in love is…something so special. I am also that much closer to a bunch of other exciting things other than Kales home coming, reunions like seeing Lindsey finally, after her long journey, Suzye comes home from Australia on the same day as Kale gets home from Ak, I’m super excited to be together with everyone on the 16th; Bekah is turning 21 on the 15th and we get to celebrate! Also, going to Hawaii for my sisters’ wedding in June (then coming home the same day Love gets back from Europe), I’m also stoked summer and all its glory, ect.
The only bummer is Grandma and her cancer and, in effect, mom and her depression and worry over it all. I try to stay optimistic and think positive and not get sad or hopeless. Grandma’s a fighter; I know everything will be okay, no matter what. She started giving me things…like really important family heirlooms such as her Avon perfume collectibles and framed photos of Grandpa and her from when they where my age. She bought me an expensive bathing suit last weekend and gave me her old (but cute...) beach bag, all for my trip to Hawaii, also a list of things that I have to see while I’m there. While we were shopping around Freemont she almost accelerated at full speed ahead into a parked Mazda we had just parallel parked behind, she simply mistook the gas for the brake pedal before pulling her parking break. I shrieked so loud my throat hurt the rest of the day. I don’t recall the last time I screamed like that out of utter panic and fear for our life. I was so stressed! But grandma just looked at me and said, “Good, just checking to see if you were awake.” And she smiled slyly. So lucky we didn’t hit that car, I have no clue how we didn’t. She’s in the hospital and has been since the day after we went shopping, with pneumonia. Le sighs.
I’m starving – so instead of going to the gym before work. I’m going home and eating!

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Sorry.

For that saddening post last week. I found out Grandmas c*ncer came back...which just plain sucks. So thats what that was about..I'm workin on acceptiing this..tough stuff though.

It's raging beautiful sunshine out today! Yes I know it's Monday...I blew off school and Monica and I are going to Tacoma Boys to get some snacks and bevs and heading to Point D with Malory and Dan. I don't have any obligations today.. that will change tomarrow. But for right now I'm free.

I'm so in love.

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No use crying

Dry your tears on hope.

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