LONG update. It's been a while.

Hello!

I don't know where to strat so i'm just diving in.
--My first night out at the clubs, 21 years old, no sneaking or the uneasy feeling that I’ll be kicked out or ID’d. I must say it was such a different experience than I expected. Maybe due to my state of mind, having just finished up a trying quarter, working a lot, loving a lot, and so on. I was tired all day; all I wanted to do was sleep after work maybe catch up on some projects I’ve been neglecting since before finals week. And I have to work...today again. But Vanessa called and wanted to celebrate our birthdays together, just her and I. She’d already invited me to go out tonight with a bunch of Pisces birthday tonight a while ago so, last night was just spontaneous and I miss the girl so I said fuck it. I felt so touched and flattered that she wanted some one on one time. I haven’t really been able to spend as much time with her because she’s going to art school in Poulsbo and I don’t have a car, work and go to school. Growing up really show’s you who your friends are. Vanessa is the only friend I ever stayed in contact with from Middle School in Arlington. And we are close, I love it. Anyways she picked me up after I was off work (11:30pm) we went to a club downtown called The Last Supper Club. This place reminded me of a rave and I didn’t like the feeling or vibe. Plus Vanessa had a really bad tummy ache and was hurting so I felt bad. I did get hit on, which was fun for me to be able so hold up my hand showing off a ring and say I’m taken. Guys are very, very interesting. The whole night I was just contently people watching. Seeing how different people interact. The drunken girls grinding on the half-massed drunk guys, knowing they’re getting some later. I just sat at a tiny table while Vanessa was dancing around and I just watched everyone. WILD! I ran into Kelly and Lindsey, some people I used to hang out with a lot. Kelly just turned 21 too so we all hung out for a little while, it was good to see him. I also ran into Dev, the dude that used to work at west 5. He smelled horrible and was having a hard time communicating so I just assumed he was out of his mind. So Vanessa wanted to go to the Noc Noc after the club closed at 2, I was already draggin ass as it was, I didn’t have enough energy to dance, which is what she wanted to do. Plus my phone was blowing up with foul capitalized insults from Jameson’s roommate Andrew who was upset that I told his girlfriend that she’s better than him and that she might consider…not dating him. I met her on St. Patty’s Day when Jameson and I went out after I got off work. I was so astounded when I found out that Andrew even had a girlfriend because he hit on my like no tomorrow. Anyways I was a little schwilled when I was talking to her about him so I probably deserved it. I don’t like the guy, and she seemed so sweet and cute. I don’t know. Anyways it blew up and 360’d in the span of the hour we where at Club Trinity. Jameson told me he had a talk with him and I have no idea what he said but out of no where Andrew starts actually blowing up my phone, and texting me and telling me he’s sorry, that Jameson told him the “truth” and to please let him talk to me and say sorry. WEIRD right? Ugh! So that is that. I’m letting it be, I’m too sensitive to have stupid drama in my life.

Anyways now for the update!
So I have my camera, it’s working (not like my last one) but it’s getting the job done. So that means I have PHOTOS!


Suzye left Monday for Australia! Randy, Suzye, Bekah, Nick and Ashley all came into my work on Saturday night and hung out till I got off work. I feel bad because Randy got the BBQ’d shrimp and it’s kinda expensive and you only get 5 shrimps. (sorry Randy) but when I got off we all went over to Nicks for a blankets-on-the-floor
house warming party! I was so tired (story of my life huh) so I was the first to fall asleep after Suzye and I took a bunch of web cam picture on Randy’s computer. So fun! Then in the morning we all went and got crepes. With the exception
or Nick who had to leave for work really early. Then Suzye and Randy dropped me off and gave me some culture to brew kombucha! I’m also babysitting her seedlings. [Three Brusselsprouts, two tomatoes, one calendula and one cumin.] All of them have started to sprout other than one tomato it’s so exciting! I can’t wait to have more living room and be able to have plants again.

I got to dissect a mouse in Biology. This was interesting for me because, being a vegetarian everyone expected me to be the last one to pick up the scalpel and scissors and dive in. But science is something that I’m into, curiosity took over and I was the first one to find the heart and all the organs. I’m also eccentric and had to take photos of the experience because I love documenting my days and experiences (no matter how vulgar) with my camera. So that’s that and I’m not ashamed. I did a GREAT job dissecting, and the pictures turned out cool too. hehe




So winter quarter is finally over! I can breathe a little and get my life back on track. I do have one other [math] final to take on Thursday so I’m not totally in the clear yet. And I don’t get too much of a break either because I start back up on the 16th. (EXACTLY one month till I see my baby!) And, also, Dean (one of the bartenders/owners of W5)is going out of town, so Quinn (his gf/another bartender at W5) is taking over his shifts, so that means I take her shifts on Wednesdays, so ill be working 5 nights a week (kinda a lot for the work/energy demand for a shift) but I am young and versatile and I can do anything. So that’s going to be from 3/23-4/28. I don’t mind the extra money either! I still haven’t signed up for my classes I think I’m going to take my ‘easy’ classes for spring quarter so I can have a smooth transition into summer. I also am leaving a few days before finals for Hawaii so I need to be able to take them early.

With Winter quarter being over, and I get to take a bit of a breather I can read the library books that I have had piling up. I’ve been reading the scary Vampire book called “Let the Right One In” (that’s now a movie I guess) for the past month and a half and I’m not even halfway done. So I need to finish that so I can start Ishmael and Another Roadside Attraction before they’re due back. I also have to Suzye-required readings “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle” and “The Real Food Revival”. Man I have a lot to read! Annnd I haven’t been working out as much as I need to. I’m paying $60 a month for the gym and I want to get as much out of it as possible. I got only, what? Three months, less? To get whipped into shape!

I got some freaking incredible packages from Kale. The first one came shortly after my birthday, A handcrafted ring from Africa,
made out of recycled telephone wires - in a box that he made, so artistic and detailed, the perfect birthday gift. The next package I got on Monday – a hat that he knit with his own hands, every thread woven with love,


and three mixed cd’s that I haven’t stopped listening to. I wish I could put them on my ipod! :( grr. Each cd has a different feel and all the songs are lovely and cute/romantic/sappy/corny/amazing. I am in love so deep. And everyday it plunges even deeper than before. I smile hard when I see his face on the computer, or my phone (yeah his face is my background image!)We are official on Facebook too how exciting!

I also got 2 letters from across the world. Lindsey wrote me from India!! Thank you so much girl. It means so much to me to get a little reminder that you think of me too! I miss you so much and I am so excited for you out there journeying through the world! I can’t wait to hear about all your adventure stories and hug you and never let you go!







Ok well I’ve made this post long enough, I feel like I caught you guys up on life in Sydney land. off to work! PEACE

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Yeah yeaah!

Got myself a notion.
One I know that you'll understand
Set the world in motion
By reaching out for each other's hands

Maybe we'll discover
What we should've known all along(Yeah)
One way or another
Together's where we both belong.


If we listen to each other's hearts.
We'll find we're never too far apart.
And maybe love is the reason why,
for the 1st time ever we're seeing it eye to eye.

If a wall should come between us
Too high to climb
too hard to break through
I know that love will lead us
And find a way to bring me to you

So don't be in a hurry
Think me b4 you count us out(ooh)
You don't have to worry
I won't ever let you down
(nothing's gonna stop us now)


If you're ever lonely.stop!
You don't have to be
After all this slowly
I'll be there for just you and me
Take a look inside and see

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LIFE

To get you caught up if only a little bit I’ll shout out the highlights. I think my last post was just a sorry attempt to run my mouth (or fingers I guess) about the state of humanity and how it’s distressing me. But due to impenetrable contentment I have a hard time complaining about things lately. So with that let me just say that everything is going SO GOOD.



Everything.

Work rules, I love it. I don’t even mind being tired all the time(getting off work anywhere from 9:30-12am). I even get a “shift drink” after I’m off work. [Normally this is a shot of Chartreuse] How cool is that. I am getting along with everyone. The only thing is that sometimes when someone is in a bad mood (not pertaining to myself or anything I did specifically) I tend to get irritated and reflect my co-workers sour, stressful attitude. I have to work on that. But if someone IS mad about something I did specifically I don’t get mad I get hurt and emotionally upset because I’m so god damn sensitive. But I’m doing my best everyday and I’m making so much more money than I was (only working 1 or 2 days a week) so my bank account is flourishing and I’m saving all of it. With the exception of buying a car on Thursday!

Tax return! It’s so exciting to get a tax return. Yesterday I went to deposit my paycheck and when I got my receipt with the balance on it I about screamed. I’m about $1120 richer than I was last week! Woohoo. (Now maybe, hopefully I’ll get a stimulus check in the mail soon?) So with this money I’m going to try and find a car. My step mom Cheryl’s ex step-son Ryan is going to a used car auction and invited me to come along to see if I can’t score a good car to help me save some time in my busy chaotic life. I am still going to bus to school and work because it’s easy… but it’s for all the in-between stuff, namely the Gym and running errands, where having a car would help a sista out. And let’s not forget being able to go see my amazing family when EVER I want. I am SO excited, I’m so sick of not being able to see them as often as I possibly can. It’s not right I need them, more of them!

Family- Bad news. My little sister Kyndall got in her first accident. Her brakes locked up on her when she had to slam on them because a gigantic truck decided to stop abruptly on a yellow. It had been snowing and she slid right into him. She wasn’t hurt too bad, but had burns on her forearms from the deployed air-bag and her sun roof flew off. She got her first ride in an ambulance too. Poor babes. Well luckily she was able to sell it for blue-book price on craigslist. So I’m keeping my eyes out for her at the car auction too. Phew.

New Camera-bad luck: So for my birthday mom surprised me with a new Samsung camera from RadioShack! I was so excited until I tried to start taking photos! I would be able to take photos as long as I didn’t change the settings, as soon as I would take the flash off or anything, the screen would freeze up, none on the buttons would work and in order to do anything at all I had to pop out the battery and then push the power on button a few times. No fun! So Mom, Max and I went to Costco to get me another Casio Exilim I found a green one!!!!! SO excited!!!!! Until I got it all set up went to work took pictures, seemed to be working ok; until I changed the setting to no flash and it did…get this…THE SAME THING AS THE SAMSUNG! What the HELL!? So I’m trying to work out the kinks with voodoo magic and positive energy, and sometimes it works and sometimes it freezes. I have 9- days to return it…so we shall see. Also! On the note of repelling technology my ipod has been fussy lately. I’ll have to push the pause button for an ungodly sum of time before it will shut off. And when I choose a song or artist it will all of a sudden default play ALO’s “how long has this been going on” not that I don’t like that song, but it comes on involuntarily when I blatantly selected something else quite frequently …why!

School rocks. I am scooting along nicely. Winter quarter’s coming to a close and it’s about time for me to sign up for Spring classes but I am a little panicky because I leave for Hawaii a week before the end of the quarter and that will most likely put a damper on my finals week. So I have to do some figuring out quick. I am getting pretty good grades though, nothing is stressing me out. I feel like we’re being crammed in BIO because we’ve blasted through 5 chapters in the last week and 2 days. But I find it all very interesting and exciting so it’s not too unbearable. We had a two hour lab today and have a test on Friday and a final next Friday. I’m very nervous, but luckily I have an amazing study buddy who happens to be quite acquainted with Biology. And he’s really cute and says sweet things too. SCORE.

I have missed out on going to the gym all last week because I was so busy. Transportation to and from the gym is retarded and it has been snowing and frigid out and I really don’t want to risk getting stuck in that busless vortex in the cold and risk being late for work. So I’m sure I’ll be able to pick up the slack when I get a break between quarters and if I get a car soon. :)

Mom and I have been getting along alright. I just have to try extra hard not to get annoyed with her or pissed off. We did a fashion show with some other friends of Camille’s (my friend who owns a designer boutique in the junction) I was so freaking tired but I pulled through. All the clothes I had to model where NOTHING I would wear in real life, so I was sort of uncomfortable but I rocked on through it, wine drunk and in high heels, go me! So that was neat, and I got to meet a lot more West Seattlites and be social.

The only thing I’m left with for this update, bringing you all up to speed, is my irrevocably exploding heart. Love is ripe in the spring air you guys. I received the most heart stopping, jaw dropping unbelievable birthday gift in the mail yesterday from Kale. It took a while to come and for a second I lost hope that it was going to show up at all but now I have it and let me just say that I am the happiest girl in the world! Never has anyone put so much love in an envelope before. I won’t boast too much about it all because I don’t want to crow about how I’ve found the Holy Grail and this and that and that sappy crappy corny love stuff. I’m very inspired and so alive. I feel so good about the future and am so excited I got MY man. Ok. So there’s that.

HAVE A GOOD WEEEK!

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Picture Post

ok i've been working on this little by little all last week and just finished it today.
I have alot to update but I'm diving into my homework for now. maybe later.

love you all!

A picture of you in your room


A picture with someone you don't actually like.

thanks b:)lol

A picture on your birthday.


The youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.


A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits


A picture of you making a goofy face.


A picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.


A picture of a night you regret.

Why?!

That’s why

A picture of you truly being yourself.

The most recent picture of you.


A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.


A picture of you showing off your new hair cut/color.

dreadgernerationnumerouno

A picture of a time in your life that's over & you wish wasn't.

:( she's grown up now...(in case you wondered why i chose this pic)
See?
A picture of a time in your life that's over & you couldn't be more thankful.


A picture of you when you were anything but happy

(i have a habbit of taking pictures of myself during breakdowns...)

A picture that you had no idea was being taken.


A picture of when you were a different person than you are now.

A picture of you with someone you love.

Sassy

A picture of how you'd like the world to see you.

Dirty

A picture of a time when everything was changing.

:)

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An effort at least.

So since something in cyberspace gobbled up my long rant-ish comment to Randy’s “Cement jungle” blog post last night (or maybe I was severely distracted and never posted it…that could very well be) anyway I ranted and it felt good. I love reading about people being disgusted by what is going on around us. People who recognize we are all slaves to corporations, that we are being manipulated and lied to –people who just know in their heart of hearts that that isn’t was life is about and happiness is so much more simple and far less materialistic refresh me and remind me that I’m not alone in my revulsion for society and ambition to someday immerse myself in a culture (either find one or create one) of like-minded people who shun such a society which consumption has to be artificially stimulated (people and products manipulated, brainwashed etc) in order to keep production going [growing], a society where it’s values lead us to pursue false solutions that only end up making problems worse, a society that is so preoccupied with money-oriented growth that it diminishes security and distorts the wholesome enjoyment and even the very meaning of life!
Now, I’m not claiming to know what the meaning of life is. I’m just saying that I don’t think that this is it. We went wrong somewhere. And now it’s seemingly hopeless (and more and more so as time goes by) It’s depressing. I am claiming, however, that our potential as humans has got to extend far beyond all of this –constant strive to grow bigger get richer, produce more and find more ways to manipulate the masses. The answer (to me at least) seems incredibly straightforward when you put it this context: dismantle a bit and focus not on expansion but instead on just living, simply living on the Earth. Weird, huh?

I have more to say, much much more... but I’m strapped for time, distracted, too happy to be pissed off about it, not in the mindet to vent... and gotta run if I’m gunna make it to the gym, work out, and shower before trying to bus to work by 5:30(the gym is in a bad area for bussers : ().
Ah I can’t wait to playlivelovegardenprosper our community that shuns superficial happiness. Life is SO great you guys…---hey we didnt get hit by an asteroid.... yeah an ASTEROID!

Wish me luck on winning the lotto!!I got two tickets the other night- I’m up on my luck, in high spirits, in love and I’m oh so prosperous!

peace

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"The best is yet to come"

So I blew up this morning. Completely LOST it on mom. Fault being a: pms and b: a psychological, mind block. c: having no capacity to submit after I’ve lost the battle and d: the leaning tower of dishes in the sink. Just give up and shut up (even though I know she’s wrong and I’m right…mom’s just better at arguing than I am) –I always get so pissed off that I can’t hold up a good argument, I’m just too busy taking everything personally and getting defensive. Then later when I’m cooling off by myself with my face shoved in my tear-soaked pillow I think of understandable intelligible things that I could have said to maybe prove my point a little more maturely and productively. But today I cracked and instead of thinking of things I coulda shoulda woulda’s I just came undone (in as good of a way as possible). After mom said what she had to say and I was too upset to yell back so I threw a banana on the ground and went to Jades room (I don’t like to call it my bedroom). My eyes and lips swollen from blubbering, I cried into my pillow a little while longer, dragging it out by thinking of a bunch of other non-related sad things --since I already started I might as well get a good full cry session in. (therapeutic)

Long story short, I did the dishes! After they’ve been sitting and multiplying by the day in the sink…my frustration and anger every time I look at them and think about how much it bothers me and a light rage severe anger consumes me and the LAST thing I would think of doing is cave in and wave a white flag, especially if she pulls the “I do dishes 8 out of 10 times”. It’s here that I automatically question MY sanity; do I hallucinate cleaning the kitchen every other day? Am I blocking out ever having seen her rinse a dish and put it in the dishwasher? And then I had an epiphany. I can just take solace in knowing, and believing that I’m right. And there’s no sense in trying to fight an impossible war, screaming at the deaf. So instead of stomping off throwing a banana after arguing… deciding to get over-the-top pissed. I will just bow down smile and wave the flag. I came out of my room, smoked a bowl on the porch with the cat, plugged my ipod into moms new sound system she bought yesterday at Radio Shack (along with a new camera to replace mine that broke after New Years…) I blasted Sublime, put some water on the stove to boil and got going… took SO long and I cried and winced the whole time. I poured the boiling water into my tea-steeper and opened the cupboard for a coffee mug. There was only one clean cup and it was shoved in the corner of the top shelf. I pulled it down and put it on the counter and when I was pouring my tea I read the cup and laughed out loud.



Every little thing is gunna be alright. Today surprised me, in a good way.
I understand that this might not make much sense, but that's okay I feel good. Point-of-post being, I grew up a little today and shed some old skin. so that's that.

...breathe out.

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I'm twenty one

(fyi: i started this post on friday and couldnt finish..so ...it might be confusing.. I don't know...)I’m finally 21! I apologize in advance for the lack-luster of this post. I’ll do my best to put forward all the energy I can possibly muster (yes, I do have a proper hangover). So here it is:
Bekah came over Wednesday after breaking up with the guy she’s been seeing. (I know it’s hard babe, but you did the right thing!) So that was cool, and she proposed that we go to the Admiral Theatre to see Twilight (again). Of course I was super stoked and we wandered up the road and got WAY too much popcorn and soda, we both had to pee so badly during the movie, and I have a junk food tummy ache. After the giggling and gasping like the geeks that we are through the whole movie, it was 11pm by the time we got out, one hour before I’m legal. So I went next door to the 7-11 and bought a bottle of wine, and got carded…had a phantom tingle of anxiety and excitement as I showed him my ID! With an hour left of being 20 I purchased alcohol! Hehe. I ran into three of the girls that I used to work with at Luna Park Café in the parking lot, they were in a car and when she rolled down the window I saw she was rolling a b and when I asked what they were up to she said, “smoking a blunt and going through the car wash.” I found that so amusing for some reason. That’s SUCH a great, innovative idea! Haha

So when we got home with our cheap (but legally bought) bottle o’ wine mom, Bekah and I had a toast. Bekah and I snuggled into bed and we tried to keep our eyes open long enough to watch “In to the Wild” but I couldn’t stay awake. I missed my English class in the morning because I was too tired (I missed it again today too. naturally) but we made it on the Southcenter bus just barely! That was nice to have Bekah there for the official “Happy birthday” I love you girl! OOOOH she drew me the most amazing picture ever, it’s a pic of me in a bikini top and I look damn good! Heh.

Well school was fairly painless. When I was bussing home after trying to write a paper for 2 hours I got off early so I could go to the post office and drop off something special for someone special, there was a VERY pissed off man in there trying to mail A TON of shit and he was yelling at the Asian woman behind the counter trying to understand the postal service system, and failing to miserably. There was also a very perturbed woman yelling at someone frantically in the back of the post office too. So finally I got up to the counter mailed me package and ran out the door just to see my bus drive past me. So I walked front eh Alaska Junction all the way to my house carrying all my bags and books and wah wah wah. So I got all cleaned up and ready for work, watched a little Bill Hicks And then off I went. It was SUPER busy in there, but a good shift all together. At about 7:45 Dave (one of the owners) Sounded an alarm that scared the buhjesus out of me and probably everyone else in the bar. The first thing I thought was that this is an air raid drill and I had no idea we even had an alarm system in this place! Then I look over and Dave’s holding a megaphone to his mouth and says, “I’d like everyone to say happy birthday to Sydney, she’s finally 21!” and Mikey poured everyone on shift a shot of Jim Beam (Quinn helped me decide what drink to choose by telling me that “if I wanna be a ‘bad bitch’ to choose JB”) so I did, and it was SO COOL , it was a cheers of about 10-12 people all saying happy birthday to me! Like I said, I love my job. So mom came and met me when she was on her way home from work and I got to clock out and go sit at the bar for a legal drink. My first one was a DIRTY vodka martini, and it was delicious! Next I paced myself with a cup of water cause mom had hardly drank any of her margarita (because she was talking to a man who was hitting on her :( as usual when she comes in to the bar) ANY way finally after sitting alone for a while Mikey just took it upon himself to start shellin’ out the drinkys for me (possibly cause he sensed my boredom?) so I had an “Otterpop” which is a bunch of different fruity vodkas and some orange juice. Then I had the next drink that I have been drooling over since I started working there.. a bloody mary!! Mikey made me THE BEST bloody marry I have EVER HAD! Those will be habit forming I know it! Anyways I finally got tired of sitting there while mom flirted with this dude, so I called my man and talked about my exciting day. Then my friend Rose (who also works at W5) and her husband came in and sat next to me. So I got to have my first bar conversation! We talked about ‘lifeboat ethics’ and ska and reggae and ska music and this and that. I was trying my hardest not to turn my head too far see what was going n with mom and dude. I was doing ok until Mikey was like, “no making out at the bar!” grreeeaat mom.


Anyways let’s not talk about that any more. So it’s Saturday now. I am finishing a post that I started at school yesterday, but I had to go to math and when I came back to finish the internet was down so now I’m at the library. I woke up after sleeping WAY in finally. (It was a tiring week) I ignored the dishes mom has been piling up (grr) and grabbed my stuff and wet to the gym. It was nice and relaxing. So I have about two hrs to kill before heading to work…and I really want to write more but this key board really sucks and I have to re-type letters and that is annoying. Hope every one is happy and has a GREAT weekend! Much love.

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