Why oh why?

I fell asleep at about 12:30am after reading 3 chapter of Eclipse and half a chapter from my History or Rock & Roll text. But this morning I woke up at 3am, went pee, and all these self-conscious thoughts, worries and stresses flooded my brain. I was thinking about the people at Luna Park, how I had accidentally opened my big mouth and shit-talked one of the women there (I'm sure by now it's gotten back to her) She deserved it, but I never want to be the one that is gossiping, and venting aimlessly to people who I don't know or care about. So I digress, from this day on I will not speak of negative things to anyone, I will try my best to be peaceful and pleasant no matter how I really feel. Some people are just so good a blending in and not letting what's bothering them effect their overall mood. It will take some effort, but I need to try to not be so sensitive.

I left my camera in the girls car that drove me home the other night, I am pretty sure. And I really want it back. but P.j. wont respond to any of my calls or texts. LAME. I have to go to Luna today after school sometime anyhow and pick up my 2nd to last paycheck. I shudder when I think about all the bad energy there. I don't know why I'm such an emotional mess right now, I can't believe I couldn't fall back asleep due to worrying what people think about me. Stop being so sensitive Sydney!

I'm going to stop freaking out now :)


Bekah and I are going for Sushi and a movie on Friday! I can't wait. we're going to see Nick and Norah's' Infinite Playlist! It's got the cute boy from Juno (Michael Cera).







I think by then I'll have finished the 3rd book in the Twilight Saga, Eclipse and be able to move on the the 4th, Breaking Dawn! I love that I am so easily amused when it comes to love stories. I wish I could fall asleep and just dream myself into the book. I want to be bella, her life is so exciting. There's really never a dull moment, She's in love with a vampire, that is begging her to marry him so he can change her into a vampire and they live happily ever after for all eternity as immortals. AND have a young Werewolf in love with you, AND be hunted by a vengeful vampire who's mate was murdered by her hunky vampire lover. ah god. I'm loving geeking out to this. I am excited for the movie to come out next month. I hope its not disappointing, as movies tend to be after reading the book in all its glory. I want to get a big ol clan together who loves twilight, like Bekah and Suzye and Bekahs lil sis Clara, My lil sis Kyndall, Toni from my work.. all my buddies that are in just as deep as I am and dress up and go to the midnight showing of the movie when it comes out! :) Ahh. I am starving for some romance. Maybe I just need to suck it up and become an actress so I can live out these fantasies.

Now I'm all floaty.

Good day

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Hello Monday!

So last night was my last shift at Luna Park Café! It was horrid at the beginning, but toward the end, it was quite possibly the best time I’ve had under that roof! When I first got there it was packed and there was a posse of Luna employees (including managers) sitting along the bar having drinks after their morning shift, one of them being Heather Hess, the manager of Luna Park. Now, I don’t smoke like everyone else at Luna Park does, so I don’t take frequent 5 minute breaks, instead I make myself a fruit smoothie and sip it in between busing tables and seating new customers. Heather saw me take one of my drinks of the delicious smoothie and locked eyes with me. She marches over and, very sarcastically, says to me, “Can you maybe do your job instead of drinking a smoothie, Thanks! Autumn is over there hostess-ing, and she is very unhappy about it!” I roll my eyes at her frosty request, It’s my last day and she’s gotta be a bitch to me, Figures! So I start storming around there, sour attitude in check, not making eye contact with anyone, busting ass and getting shit done, like I always do, but somehow always gets over-looked by the ass hole managers. AHHH! So I started calming down, Autumn came over and told me not to listen to Heather, that she’s a bitch and we all know it. So then me, being so sensitive and fragile, started unloading what Heather had said, how I feel and started crying. Then Autumn quietly took my hand, and asked me to come take a break with her, everyone on shift was standing around us giving me group hugs (cute!) and reassuring me that Heather Hess is in-fact a huge bitch. They all encouraged me to go take a break with Autumn L She led me upstairs (conveniently she lives in the apartment above Luna Park) and into her apt. there was a shiny bong, and she loaded me a bowl! What a girl! I calmed down, and the rest of the shift was a blast! It was so slow and we all planned a Party at P.J’s after work, my “Going away Party”. It was fun, I haven’t been terribly social like that in a long time, and it’s a good muscle to exercise from time to time. So here I am, at school (yes I missed first period math lab at 8am, but I needed the sleep) But I am here now!!

*whisper*I’m not sure who all reads this; I hope my mom isn’t reading it because I am compelled to write about something that has me a little (maybe more -that depends) irked. So someone asked if I would loan them $400 because they over-drafted buying $10 martinis and Chris Cornell concert tickets. They bought the tickets for both Seattle AND Portland, for themselves my brother and I. I don’t particularly want to go. This someone being a complete Chris Cornell Fanatic just doesn’t want to go alone. Needless to say that’s a lot of money to loan to someone, especially because I hardly even have that much money to my name, not to mention the idiocy and carelessness of over drafting on such overindulgences. */whisper*

SO anyways, Vanessa and I decided to skate it up on Saturday night after I got off work. We skated the Alki Strip 2 whole times! YOWZAH! My calves and hammies are sore, but not as sore as I thought, I did take a spill towards the end of our run, I was fairly fatigued and hit a pebble at just the right velocity to launch my off my long board. I could have easily pushed my leg out in front of me to catch my fall and recover, but I really wanted to lay down anyways, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I’m left now with a bruised knee-cap! (A small price to pay). The weather allowing this hobby is dwindling now, and I won’t be able to do it much longer winter on its way. Vanessa and I talked about moving to Cali together when she graduates next year. We would be able to skate 365 days a year, not worry about torrential rains or frostbitten ears. We fantasized for a while, and I really want to do it. I want all my friends to come too! I want to get really good at surfing, and just be a full on beach bum. Why not?

Hooblah!

anyways.. I'm starving. and I should do some math and English like a good girl.

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grumble

So it's thursday already. I just got out of my Math lab, I took my diognostic test, and have to wait till tomarrow to get the results, I guessed a lot! I didn't think I wasn't going to be allowed to use a calculator :( Most of the stuff was there, at the tip of my brain, but I couldnt remember all those formulas I learned 3+ years ago. So no matter which module I place I'm pretty confident that I can learn (re learn) the formular pretty fast.
What makes all this a little easier is that I don't really have anything to distract me, other than one more season of veronica Mars, and mine and Bekah's book-love affair sleepovers. I do still have west 5, the weekend will be the last weekend I work at Luna Park. I just had enough and I need more time on my hands than that place was demanding of me. Well not even that Luna park even schedualed me that much.. it was just bad juju stressy poo poo.
Me journalism class got canceled. So I need to figure out another class that can possibly take it's place. SO I'll possibly come back adn post some more later.
I have alot of reading to do for my english online class, Instead of just listening in class to the discussions, I have to read them on a message board. ugh.
This is what I signed up for.

I am hungry.

Until later! CIAO

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Monday Monday

Mondays are BACK! Real Mondays that actually mean Getting up when it's still dark outside, falling asleep on the bus to school. I can't lie, I am very stoked that I'm doing this finally, and Doing it right! 3rd times a charm right? I am enrolled at South Seattle CC in an AA program, I'm taking 15 credits to include Modular Math-English comp-Media Writing. I'm taking my first Online course, English, it's going to be more of a challenge than I thought! I am about to get more full time hours at West 5 so I think that the less time I have to be on Campus the better. I start at 8am and get outta here at 1pm. Not bad. I put in my two week notice at Luna Park. The Hostess manager got to me, well, everything there sorta got to me. I don't NEED that job, I'm going to be suffocating myself with busy tasks, due dates, late nights working at the bar, early mornings on Seattle Metro buses. I am Resilient! I can DO THIS and well! I definitely need a car though, I don't have nearly enough saved yet, but it would make my life allot easier.

In other news, Bekah and I got to hang out on Monday and I got the Second book in the Twilight saga!! I'll be done with it today, and need to get the third asap! It's so gripping, I love having a good book with me where ever i go, makes the bus ride more entertaining! I have 2 hours between my Math class and Writing class so that gives me some time to catch up on blogging :) and reading what my friends are up to in the world. Being so busy all the time is not that helpful to keeping in touch with my loves. But I can blame life for that. I'm going to have to be busy and keep busy if I want to reach my goals. Speaking of goals, it feels really good to be able to say I am enrolled in fall quarter, I have hours at West 5, I got insurance (SR22).
So this week my goals are:

1. Renew my Licence
2. Buy a bus pass
3. Get the 3rd book from Bekah
4. Study to place high in the diagnostic math test =/
5. Put things in the mail that i have been putting off for a few weeks
6. Call Grandma

I'm sure there's more that I want to do today.. But as a long standing goal I want to keep my blog updated daily.

My head hurts. I should get some thing to eat before next period.

ciao!

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I'm to that point in being kept up all night (wee morning) by various things, that I wonder if it would really do much good to go to sleep just to get oh.. 2.5 HRS of sleep.. IF that. What I want to know is, why the hell does Houston (cat) Have to shit so much. AND why is the catbox but 4 feet away from the couch, where in which I sleep? I've scooped is unfathomable rank catshit out of BOTH the litter boxes -going on- 3 times in the last 3 hours.. I hear him over there making it about to be 4 times. Ok, Veronica Mars (I got the second season today from the Library-superexcited-) kept me awake until about 12am. and then i layed there unable to slip into a slumber, so I could be somewhat rested upon waking up at 6am for my workday tomarrow. i work at the cafe until 4 and then at the bar from 5 till 12am... I'm hoping that Kalilah (co-worker at cafe) will switch me shifts for friday, so i can start at 7 and be off by 3pm so i can go Do The Puyallup with my amazing family I never get to see.

Holy
Shit
*literally*

I'm gaging.

this is so wonderful.

anyways. If anyone's out there, cross your fingers that Kalilah takes my offer to switch me shifts..

goodmorning.

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busy busy

Well after thinking that I would have Saturday off, Dev (jerk from West5) called to remind me that I had agreed (about a month ago) that I would cover his shift tonight. I was totally down with working at West 5 as always, because I love it there! I got to see Jana, who got fired from Luna Park shortly after I started working there. And I also saw Gayle (the cook at Luna).

Whenever I work at the bar, compared to when I work at Luna, it's almost as if I'm not even working, I'm just hanging out with friends at a bar! Of course not drinking...but it's just so fun!

So anyway, My book I started last week is amazingly captivating. I can't put it down, nearly reading all 650 pages in 3 days. Lucky for me there's 3 more books the same size after I finish this one. :) I'm glad I have such a sweet escape.

Today I work until close at Luna *shrug*. My last shift there(Friday) I confronted the Host manager, Suzy and asked her face to face whether I had done some thing or not to make her specifically short with me. I see her yuckin' it up with the other employees there, laughing and joking around like humans do, but it's gotten very tough for me to overlook the fact that as soon as she looks in MY direction she glares and tells me to do something. So after getting a huge list of chores done, and being reprimanded like a 5 year old, I simply asked her if she had a moment to talk to me. She had a suspicious/curious look, but she complied and asked em whats up. Whenever I express myself to someone, especially an older woman that has been being mean to me, I revert back and immediately get teary-eyed because of my bunk childhood. I brought to her attention that i had been noticing that she's been specifically short with me starting at day ...3. and I asked her if there was something I specifically did to deserve it.. all she said in response was,"welcome to management life honey" then she was gone.

No. I've been a manager myself. and there really is no need. Some people there noticed her unfairness toward me and consoled me telling me (what i thought was jokingly until more and more people said it) "it's just because you are young and hot, and the is old and ugly." I'll take that. hehe.

shake it off.

So friday night after skating Alki all the way home, slipping into my Jammie's and curling in to bed with my glass o' wine and my book, my kitty-cat curled up next to me. I stroked his long, soft belly hair and then to my horror (and surprise) he latched onto my unsuspecting wrist chomped his fangs into the fragile flap of skin between my thumb and pointer finger, held my wrist with his front paw and started scratching my wrist with his back talons! I was in shock, I tried to shake him off but he only squeezed tighter.. I started to cry because a:)it hurt and b:)My feelings were hurt! finally he loosened his hold on my and a shoved him off the bed, where he sat meowing at me, like he was pissed at me for pushing him off the bed. I looked down at the burning bloody mess and there was a shit ton of stinging cat scratches all along my most important vein in my wrist. Thanks Houston.

Sheesh. Now people are going to think I have issues.

Ah heck, the sun is shining today, and I refuse to let Luna park, regardless who's working, get me down today. I LOVE LIFE

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Oh my. This week has flown right by. I got enrolled in my associates program at SOUTH on Monday, I'm now enrolled in English102, Math82, Journalism. I am going to try doing the online course for English, because the only times available where peek times to be working at the bar/cafe. Speaking of cafe; Luna Park basically ripped me off on hours (whats new?) the scheduled me to work tonight, Thursday from 5-close, which is the only day that I repeatedly remind every one there that i work at West 5 THURSDAYS ONLY. So i just told them.. that I can't work on Thursdays, I would have worked for some one this morn.. and then left in time to get to the bar by 5. but no takers, so I said I just wouldn't be able to make it. I worked at the bar tonight, found out that Toni is reading the same book as me.. well I'm only on book 1 of 4. and she's on the last one. So I'm uber excited to be able to have something in common with someone there and now have something to occupy the dull silent slow times. HAHA.

In other news, Julie Anderson came into the bar today and extended an invitation to a cocktail party at John Benet's (the owner of Luna Park). Mind you; the last time i spoke to Julie was when she stiffed me when i was doing chores around her shop and gardening for her for $15/HR but she decided I only deserved to be payed for the project. yeah anyways I mouthed off to her face and to Sandie, (who ended up telling her what i said..Karma's a bitch) So Julie and I haven't spoken since the beginning of August. I have to admit, I missed the lady. I was so close to writing her a letter of apology. Not having anything imp articular to be sorry for.. but i just hate it when there's bad blood. Bad news is that I wont be able to make it to the cocktail party (I miss those most about our friendship) haha. I have to work tomorrow from 2 until 11. oh well Ill have me own cocktail party!! I can't tear my face away from this book I've been reading anyways! I'm Reading "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer. It's a love story about a girl and a vampire. Since I have zero romance in my life (applause please) I'm living Vicariously through Bella. Edward is so dreamy, I wish a magical, mysterious man would sweep me out of the way of an oncoming, potentially deadly, vehicle. I just finished the 1st season of Veronica Mars (AWESOME) Between Luna Park, West5, Grandma, school, Twilight, Veronica Mars and Love letter writing; My life is jam-packed with excitement.

That's right I said love letter writing.

Grandma Called me today, I was shopping downtown with mom. She assured me it wont be long and she'll be out there with us shopping and going to cafes again (our old weekend ritual). I miss her so much, she sounds great though, healthy, not too tired like she sounded when she first got sick. I mailed her the sweetest card I could collaborate last week, and she called to tell me she received it, and she started crying. She told me that she'd always have it, that it meant the world to her. I'm glad. I wrote some quotes that she once gave me, very uplifting and encouraging quotes. When I would stay the night at her house in Gig Harbor, before she sent me off to school in the morning, she would make me a lunch. I would be so eager to read the sticky note she put in there, always setting my mood straight to conquer high school. here's one of my faves:

"Set high standards for your life, love, creativity and wisdom. If you do

every day and every decade will be worth looking forward to!

Run, run, run! Feel the energy!

Love,

Grandma"

I think that was a day I have to run the mile for PE or something.. I don't know where she came up with all of them, but without fail every morning, I would have a scrumptious lunch, and an uplifting, strengthening tidbit on a pink sticky note. I love you SO much Grandma! Beat your cancer! I can't imagine the world without you in it..

off to read my book. Once I dry my eyes. Goodnight.

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hmmmm,

Last night vanessa spent the night. It was great to see her! she's been all up and down the west coast roadtripping before she's gotta start school again. Oh how I envy travelers, adventurerers(..?) This summer has been well, I don't want to say dissapointing, but very uneventful. OHmWELL. I will just ahve to work extra hard this year to get on the right track. Or just any track at all. I have been feeling very optomistic and hopeful, excited even, for starting school AS WELL AS working 2 jobs (and at the moment only having my legs, a long board, and a broken bike).

My Grandma sent me a BEAUTIFUL card. In the shape of a butterfly (a pink butterfly)! And arounf the outer edges it has lime green filmtrim. She put a check in there for $250 to help me with my fees to get my license reissued. And for my fees at the Library. I left my Ghost World soundtrack in Portland, and D.J. was supposed to send it to me but it never got here.. so I owed the library 28 bucks. :( I LOVE my grandma. She (i don't know if I've mentioned it yet) Is currently residing at Seattle Cancer Care Alligence. She got diagnosed with lukemia shortly after being hospitalized for passing out for no reason while working (as a house cleaner). I remeber the first time Max and I went in to see her. She had just found out what it was. And she hugged me hard and started crying.. I haven't seen grand,a cry since I was staying in Clevland OH. with her and her (now) ex-husband. He came home after Grandma and I had no clue where he was.. I was all of maybe 11 years old. When we did here him come home, He said hello and I yelled,"where have you BEEN Grandpa!?" no, not in a 'you're hiding something' kind of a way more like a 'wow we didnt hear from you all day and it's real late!' So any was when grandma and I came upstairs with the laundry Grandpa was sitting at the table.. he scolded me for asking him where he'd been and told me it was none of my damn business. Grandma tried to step in and tell him not to get after me about it.. that it's really what the two of us where wondering. He then started yelling at her (not obvious at all that he is trying to hide something) so grandma whipered for me to go to my room. It didn't do any good because I heard his voice booming through all of the 4 rooms that separated us. This finally quieted down and my door slowly opened, and grandma closed the door behind her. Her face was pink and her eyes were cherry red. She sat on my bed with me tried to say "I'm sorry." But her lips curled and her face scrunched, just like I looke when i cry. I hugged her, not fully undersdtanding then, that that was the day Grandma found out her husband was seeing someone else. anyway.. that's the onyl other time I've seen Grandma cry. But to wrap this all up, she's sounding so great, and hopefully I can get some time to visit her soon. It's been about 30 days since her Bone marrow transplant. She's going to beat Cancer!!! :)

anyways. I'm off to a 10 hour shift a Luna Park. ahhh, I am optomistic. I have a pulled calf muscle from skating Alki stretch the last 2 nights. so this might not be so fun. I am optomistic.

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what is my deal!!?

Dear Diary,
(since I'm literally the ONLY one reading this)
It feels lately as though I have to try REALLY hard to please people. It take a lot out of me, and it's something I've never felt I had to do before. when I'm working at West5 everyone sorta seems angry, so naturally I always want everyone to be smiling, so I put an extra skip in my step, rub peoples backs and even tell jokes (no one ever laughs). Ugh, I'm joust not going to try as hard, and just do my own smiley thing. I just want every one to like me. I always thought this was automatic. Hmm. Well anyway, Monica and I went to Lakewood and some surrounding beaches and took pictures. I got real artsy and last night I was able to upload some good ones onto back2thestars.deviantart.com and I got allot of comments and favourites in the first 2 hours! I'm really excited to start school again, it's been a while. well, I'm at the Library, I have to go mail a couple things to people I love. More on life later.
xo.

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:)

pet/house sitting lately. Darby old and sad to look after. Her back legs hardly work for her at all. I have to carry her up and down the 4 stairs so she can go outside and potty, and then she just stands there and looks up at me with her leaky old doggy eyes as thought to ask me,"why am I here?" She waddles around the front yard peeing and sometimes her limpy legs get peed on. sometimes she pees on me when i pick her up to carry her up the stairs. She's such a sweetheart, but Sandie really should consider Darby's quality of life at this old age. I took some photos of the pets and I'm going to run over to Bartells and make some prints and leave them for Sandy as a gift. She DID stock the fridge with buds for me while she's gone. :)I'm in love with Pierre, Sandie's cat, who is as old as I am, but still very sturdy and full of kitten spunk. I went into the bedroom yesterday after I had just mad the bed, and I noticed a bib lump under the blanket.. IT WAS PIERRE!! he snuggled his cute little self right under the blanky, SO CUTE! Dakota is full of spunk and life too, he is very old as well but not quite up there with Darb's. Dakota protects me while I sleep and runs around with Pierre. He's my buddy, I want to take him for walks, but i feel like taking Darby's buddy out of the house and leaving her behind would stress her out too bad.

In other news, I don't have to work at all until Thursday, so that's neat. What's not neat is that I invited a boy from work over to watch a Bob Saget Comedy Central special with me at Sandie's last night, He brought some weed and beer, and I got tired fast. I was kinda hinting that I was tired and it was my bedtime, But this guy didn't show any interest in leaving. He had that 'look' in his eye. Usually guys wont hit on me because I'm "intimidating" but this guy grabbed me and went right for it.. I dodged him and scooted far away from him on the couch and he was all, "oh c'mon don't resist me." I told him this isn't why I invited him over.. and he started telling me that he wasn't leaving till I kissed him. I told him it wasn't gunna happen, and he started getting feisty and he held my arms down and fucking tried to kiss me! Can you believe that? I couldn't. I grabbed the closest thing to me, happened to be a beer, and I poured it on him. I was pretty waisted and pissed off I don't really remember what happened next.. I opened the front door and went upstairs till I heard him leave. I have never had some one force themselves on me like that before. It sucked. I woke up feeling so dirty and violated (and hungover).

On a lighter note, I got to hang out with my family last night! I never get to do that so it's always amazing when I get to see all my beautiful siblings. we had a huge dinner (I forgot to take home my leftovers :( ) Emilie and I took pictures of ourselves. Then my little niece Kaitlyn and I started playing around with the web cam (she loves to have her picture taken) It turned into a huge crazy photo shoot, My sisters Samantha and Emilie both got in on the action, and so did my big brother Max. It was great fun.. see for yourself!

OH! and lately.. Elvis Presley has my heart. I have been listening to "Suspicious Minds" over and over and over. And at work i spent upwards of 7 bucks playing it on the jukebox.

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