Finally

My good intentions of setting up a blog finally payed off. I've been too busy to do much of anything for myself lately. But here we are. It's a gloomy overcast day here in West Seattle. I plan on walking to the library in a little bit so i can get some fresh air. I'm currently living in a single bedroom apartment with my mother and her 2 fluffy stinky cats (and equally stinky litter-boxes). Mom gets headaches all too frequently, and lays in bed most of the time. The energy in here is very draining and unproductive. I've been offered employment at a Cocktail lounge/bar called West 5. I like it there, but i don't have a permanent schedule yet so.. I'm still in the market for another server position to make some cash while I'm in school. Pretty sure I'm not going to meet the fall quarter deadline for SOUTH, so I am making a pact with myself to get a huge list of things done before spring quarter. This list includes some difficult issues such as: *get a lawyer to apply for medical bankruptcy, *some how get a credit check and try to get all the people in the world who are using my SSN to knock it off, *look into school grants and scholarships, *GED, *figure out my SR22 insurance fiasco to try to figure out how one is to get her license back after having it revoked, *find a more permanent place to live (so that I'm not sleeping on a love seat directly in front of two awful cat-boxes). Well the list is still young, I will be adding and subtracting, and updating on my progress. On top of all of this going on, I have to figure out my relationship. I have a great boyfriend, but I feel suffocated and trapped in something that is hindering me from growing as a person. He loves me so much it's stressful on me, to the point where I am showing him the door. After about 4 long days trying to explain myself to Joseph, he has told me he's going to give me my space, and show me that he can be what I need. I have my doubts, but I'm giving it a try - instead of breaking his heart because I'm not ready for all of this. I don't want to be married, and i very much don't want to have issues 4 months deep into a relationship. So I guess this trial period is going to be a eye opener. The more I type, the more I realize that my comfort and happiness is number one, I can't help but feel as though more than half the time, this relationship is just me holding on as to not hurt him. I don't want to be the heart breaker, but I don't want to ignore my inner voice [which is screaming at me that this isn't it]. Growing up is painful, I want to do everything in my power to grow healthily and happily.
to be continued...

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