Breath in the air.

Well, today almost coasted by without even leaving the house. A nice change of pace, but i ended up venturing out into the tourential downpour to get toilet paper and soymilk so that I can whipe my ass and drink a shake in the morning before work. Tomorow I work both jobs, Lunapark from 9 to 5 and then and West 5 from 5:30 to 12:30 or so. This is only the onset of what is to come from now until school starts Sept. 27th. hopefully by then being moved up to server and Luna, and same with W5 to start saving for my get away vehicle. I've loved not having a vehicle (most times) since donating it after my MIC incident 2 Aprils ago now..
In other news: Joseph and I are going on a camping trip from Friday until Sunday. Although we aren't together anymore we decided it would be best to go on the trip anyways. (I hope I wont regret it). Joseph finally got it, after much explaining, and endless conversations about how I just don't feel the same, and instead of having a refreshing bursting positive feeling, I just find myself feeling trapped and stressed out in the relationship. He's done some unagreable things, yes, but nothing I would end it over if I didn't have a big distraction. I do think that i need to be alone for a while, I don't want to try to fill the silence of a lonely night by clinging to some one. I knew when Jo and I collided that it was all wrong, I couldn't shake someone from my head, until I distracted myself from him with Jo. I know what i need to do, unfortunately I had to hurt Joseph, and if I do this right and don't screw up, the hurt will be short and sweet.
That being said, I am going have a hard time sleeping until I am detoxed. I have the strongest urge to call him just so I can have a voice on the other end, loving and adoring me. making me feel special and needed. Now it's time to be satisfied with what only I have. I don't want to have the guilt of using him like that. I think about someone else all the time, I regret starting anything serious with Joseph, because even then I couldn't shake "Mr. Right" from my mind. The scary thing is.. is that Mr. Right doesn't know I feel this way. I don't know whether or not to tell him now.. (intense urges to do so) or keep it to myself. I always say I will just let the chips fall where they may, but i always kind of premeditate where they will land. I want to really trust the chips on this, and if Mr.right knows he wants me, then it's time I shut up for once, and let him find me.
Ahhh I feel so good letting all that out. To bed with me now if i plan to be ALIVE for my day of nonstop work tomorrow.

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