Two more weeks to go!

Another week down. Just two more and I’ll be in Hawaii with my family. And then one more week after that and I’ll be wrapping my arms around the one I love. I can make it! I’ve been a puddle of stress lately. But the more I vent the more I realize the obvious; life is what you make it. The majority of the tension lately has been on West 5. It’s been pretty slow lately, narrowing the need for a Host/Barback during the week. So, now, instead of just coming in (and clocking in) at 5:30 on weekdays, I call to see if it’s busy enough for me to come in by 6pm or wait and come in at 7….or not come in at all. Both Wednesday and Thursday it turned out to be the ladder. Which is all fine and good, but waiting around all day to see if I do have to be there or don’t…is a little nerve racking. It was Monica’s 21st birthday on Wednesday –she invited me to BBQ on Ruston way before hitting the bars. I wanted to do this SO BADLY, and usually I have Wednesdays off anyways and would have been there ASAP, but I’m working for Quinn these last two Wednesdays while her and Dean vacation in Salt Lake. Then to miss the BBQ, I had already gotten all gussied up, ready to leave (thinking I would at least go in at seven, if not six) then Toni tells me, “You can just have the night off, it’s slow.” Well this would have been vital information about 6 hours ago. So a whole day wasted. I didn’t get to celebrate one of my closest friends birthdays, didn’t get to BBQ (a favorite thing of mine to do on gorgeous days, as was Wednesday). So all this is pissing me off. And again, here I am, Sun soaked and bushed after biking 10 miles this morning, hiking the whole Admiral hill and rollerblading Alki for four hours in the sun with Mom, to race home to be able to call in to work to see what it’ll be. Gee say’s it’s slow, so I’m going in at 7. so my weekend shifts are even being cut, instead of 4-11 its like 7-9(maybe). Hardly worth all the waiting around just to see if I maybe, kinda need to be at work or not. I’m too under appreciated and thin-skinned to want to stick this out and just basically be on call, not making any money. I would like to be making/saving money. And I would like to have a set time I start and a set time I stop. Is this asking too much? Well I ran into this girl that used to serve mom and I whenever we went into the Bohemian (a tiny restaurant/bar on California ave.) she said they did the same thing to her there (just not enough business) so she quit and applied at Elliots downtown on the waterfront. She told me to drop off my resume asap because they’re hiring like crazy for the summer, and they’re busy and that means great tips. It sounds good, but I’m just going to relax as much as I can, focus on school for this last little bit of time before I’m off to Hawaii and can clear my foggy, city-saturated head and just enjoy my summer. Maybe west 5 will pick back up by the time I get back. We shall see.

I was really frustrated for a couple days not being able to get a hold of Kale. But I finally got to talk to him and I feel much better. I miss him so much I can’t even believe it. I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to be near someone so badly. Time’s scooting along though, and I’m not moping or sad anymore; just eager and impatient. :P haha.

Well I get to go on a picnic with Ashley tomorrow! I wish I had my camera :( Bekah Nick and SuQ and Randy you all should come join!

Off to work. Think happy thoughts.

Loves.

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Memorial Day Weekend

I had a good weekend. I’m happy I don’t have to go to work or school today. I’m trying to be good and do school work. I have a report on the demographics of the Republic of Czech due for extra credit tomorrow and I got that finished really fast. I should spend the rest of the day on math, but the sun is beaming in through every window in the apt beckoning me to come outside.

I got up early on Saturday and bused to the Folk Life Festival. Max met me there later. His car pooped out on him though. I’m not quite sure exactly what happened but it’s really, really broken. He has had the worst luck with cars. I called work to see if they needed me to come in at the regular 4pm time, Quinn said to come in around 5:30 instead. So I bused all the way back, only to be bored out of my skull. No one was there. So I left around 8 and hauled ass to be able to make it back to the Seattle Center to see Flowmotion. I made it just in time and it was a blast! Max and his friend Allen and Allen’s girlfriend Bianca all came too. Then we all went to the Tiger Lounge where there was a Folk life after party going on. I overdid it to say the least but it was fun for a while. Max, Allen and Bianca left in the middle of Flowmotion’s set and I took a cab home at some point…and left my camera and my ego in it. hopefully I'll get those back soon.

Mom and I went back to Folk life yesterday and shopped around and spent a lot of money. I got some cute hippy garb and mom got this really great outfit from Tinctoria (www.tinctoriadesigns.com). We got an amazing meditation pillow from a nice man from Oregon named Chi. We sat in his little tent and talked about kombucha, life, yoga, breathing, parks and everything else. It was really peaceful in his tent and the pillows were so comfy! (www.organicdreampillows.com) I had some of his kombucha tea and he even had a nalgene full of spring water he’d gotten right from Shasta the day before. the whole experience helped my hangover from hell, and almost got me feeling 100%. He explained a secret route back from Medford that I really want to see. ;)

Mom got me a very special gift. I don’t know how to describe it. I would take a picture of it and post it on here but…my camera is m.i.a right now. It’s a leather journal/scrapbook/album that has a Celtic double heart on the cover. She got it so that I will have a place to put all of the amazing love art that Kale makes for me. I’m really excited to start putting everything inside. They are far too special to be folded in an envelope and tucked in a shelf!

So that’s my weekend. I got to talk to my baby a little bit too. Only two more weeks till I have finals week (one week early) and then on the 15th I’m off to sandy beaches and family healing in Hawaii. And then on the 22nd I get to come home and hug my man!! I really need to pull it together! I’ve been really down in the dumps and have very little motivation to do anything but think and yearn. The house is a mess (no surprise there…) I haven’t gone to the gym in a week. And I cant stay concentrated long enough to get any studying done. I have to retake an Environmental science test on Wednesday and I have 2 chapters to review for that. Blarg. The 15th can't get here soon enough!

I’m going to force mom to go roller blade on Alki with me today.

p.s. I miss Kale, I can’t talk to him nearly as much as when he was in AK. I just feel so out of touch with him. I wont complain anymore than that. Everytime I whine about missing him out loud, mom says, “well at least you have some body to miss…” She’s right, I’m very lucky to have someone so amazing, somewhere, who might be missing me even a fraction of as much. I don’t know if she’s trying to make me feel better, or trying to make me feel sorry that she’s lonely.

Have a great week everyone!

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What we got will turn your brain into sh*t!

It's 11:26 on Tuesday.

I just had the most amazing three days.

I just Said goodbye to Kale and his parents. I fell in love. And want to shout out so many thank yous to Mark and Sue for letting me tag along. Thank you so much for welcoming me to soak as much time as possible before your son went off to Europe. It means allot to me and I can't thank you enough (I am also eating cheese cake and listening to all the new Elton songs on my ipod..thank you Sue!!)

Now I have to shake the poo outa my head, get my feet back on the ground and get back to business at hand. I have gone through such a whirlwind of emotions (mostly just gooey, earth shattering love) that I am a little air headed lately. I'll explain and go into more detail later. But for now I have to go manifest some fast-track study, straight A Student behavior. I have to go to work tonight... ugh. As you can plainly see my head is still in fairy-tale-land and it's hard to function; I feel very indecisive.

Three days of missing classes isn't good - but I'm going to kick ass and make time go by faster by burying myself in textbooks and school notes. soon I'll be in Hawaii and loosing track of time and not long after THAT I'll be back in the loving arms of my gorgeous man!
OK Sydney pull yourself together!!

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Ma

Mom,
You never read my blog. I don’t think you even know how to find it on this World Wide Web. But even though, it is mother’s day.
Sometimes, when I sit back and reflect on my life, I wonder how things would be if you and dad never got divorced. Or what it would be like if the joint custody thing worked and you’d never moved to Arizona. I also reflect on the hundreds of varying versions of stories I’ve heard about why you left in the first place. Completely fled the state. Giving up all motherly responsibility after the divorce. I was all of a year old ( I think) when you left. I remember the ripe aroma of drama in the house when you would call (a week late) to wish Max or I happy birthday or merry Christmas or whatever holiday. We would be so happy and I think it hurt Tina’s feelings that we loved you so much even though you totally ditched and never called or came to visit. There are so many wholes in my childhood where I have no idea who to believe. I have no idea why you and dad even dated, let alone eloped, not to mention fornicated and, ahem had BABIES… only to immediately split. As frustrated and confused as I am I’m also extremely grateful. I couldn’t have asked for a better set of genes to be passed so there must have been some cosmic energy surrounding the whole thing. You and dad HATE each other with a passion that sweats and pukes over anyone who has to hear or see it. So I guess with this I’m trying to say thank you for making me. I love life. I love being able to grow and learn and breathe and experience things and see the beauty of this incredible life.
And this being said I also wonder if how you feel about our separation during my wee years. What it feels like for you to have left us, max and I (your little tiny babies!) for so long to be raised by some other woman. And even more I think about how bad you must feel after learning how this woman treated us. I have a lot of feeling and emotions on this that I don’t exactly know what to do with. But I love you mom. I feel a deep soul connection with you, where sometimes it seems that you aren’t my mother. It’s hard for me to believe you even have had children, which trips me out, but that’s how I feel.
You get it though. You get a lot of things that I do not. I am still very young and I am one to respect and admire elders no matter how sane they may seem (no offence if you ever catch wind of this post) You never talk much about the deep shit, you keep that to yourself, but you are doing a great job at putting me back together. Paying my tuition, sleeping on the couch, so that I can sleep in a bed, putting up with my mood swings and buying me bananas and feeding me and staying positive even though we are living in a one bedroom apartment that’s falling apart. You’re doing your own thing, how you want to. Sometimes I don’t understand but that’s how it goes I suppose. I respect your choices and admire your ambition and am very grateful you believe in me so much as to pay (out the ass per quarter) for me to get an AA transfer degree at a ghetto Community College so I can possibly go to a 4-year college and be able to do amazing things. I know for a fact that no one believes in me quite as much as you do. You never have anything bad to say -normally you just contradict any negativity and turn it into a glass-half-full scenario. I love you. That’s all I want to say really. Thanks for beleiving in me.

Thanks for my big brother too. I wouldn't want to be here without him. You done good.

so much is rushing through me but i have to stop here so I can call my babe. I'm distracted just thinking about it and I am completely worthless.

Happy mothers day moms.

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AHH too excited to think of a good title. ONE WEEK!

Ok I’m snuggling into my computer chair. My mom is out with a friend so I should be uninterrupted long enough to make a genuine blog update including some the things I’ve been leaving out of my current vapid blogging streak (sometimes not blogging at all) and that I definitely would like to put out there. I’m not quite sure how it’s going to go, I’m guessing I’ll start out very disorganized and get into a flow towards the end… here goes: (edit: I ended up not finishing or posting..whoops)

First and Foremost: We’re now in the single digits in the countdown of what may be the most exciting couple of days of all time. So since I know my friends all know the obvious and won’t be the least bit surprised or hurt (I hope?) to put first the fact that my love is coming home on the 16th. I haven’t seen him since New Years and since then we’ve been growing in love over a two thousand mile distance with the help of phone lines, snail mail (beautiful packages and letters), E-mail, Skype and psychic-cosmic-soul mate-telepathy. So, with that being said, on the 15th Bekah turns 21! Hell yes! Although I’ll be working I’m hoping that when I get off she’ll still be vertical and painting the town pink so that I can wish her happy birthday and buy her a drank! Lindsey is finally back after her journey through the center of the earth! I’ve missed her so much and can’t wait to hear her stories about the wild adventure she’s just returned from! Suzye is getting back on the 15th from Australia and this is excellent! I’ve been raising her plants and thinking about her and missing her everyday when I water them, or while I’m singing to my kombucha. I can’t wait to see you all.

For all the confused ones out there I’m making this a …

NEWS FLASH!
CAPTAIN PLANET PARTY:
Where: OLYMPIA (@suzye and randys)
When: Saturday the 16th!
Who: everyone except Joseph!
Why: Because it’s going to be a coming together like you wouldn’t even believe if I even could find the words to explain how fucking incredible it’s going to be. I’m serious guys we’re bringing down the sun the moon and the stars with this one so I’m not joking you, YOU BETTER BE THERE (AHEM … Lindsey!!)
STOKED!

Ok, moving on.

So with all this excitement and exhilaration building up it’s been pretty hard to stay focused on the NOW and keep puttin’ along. But everything is going really well for me in almost every aspect. Schools going smoothly I’m taking all seriously difficult classes that I’ve been oddly doing very well in. I’ve gotten A’s on all my exams (2 in ENV and 1 in Logic and 1 in Math) without really stressing over books, staying up all night studying or anything! So school’s being good to me. I’ve been brewing my Kombucha and that feels SO amazing! Seriously, I love it so much!

Not only is it extremely satisfying being able to create such an amazing, healthy, delicious drink that nourishes the mind body and soul; but also I’m so inspired to try tons of new things and learn more and create other things with my own hands so I don’t have to pay money to buy it at the store.

I’ve started my own little ghetto porch garden too! And even though I can’t even plant in a real garden, I’m so content. I’ve been getting up on Sunday mornings and going to the farmers market (West Seattle Sunday Market) before I go to the gym or on my way home. I got some kale starts (hehe I love Kale) and have been making friends. I’ve made serious note of how kind calm and pleasant people are who grow things. The man who sold me my kale starts, when I was giving him my three dollars pulled one of the droopy leaves off, smiled and me and said, “he doesn’t need this one, just be sure to plant them a foot apart, they’re guna get real big and feed you good for a while!” and the positive energy he was emanating was huge and warm! So great. I just wish I had a bigger space to do all the things I want to do. I guess just baby steps huh? One thing at a time. I feel like I can just conquer everything right now...but then I look around the apartment and get so discouraged and stressed out grr.

Sooo I did get all settled in when I started this blog post…but then had to call Kale and never got it posted so I’m at school (2 days later) and I’m just gunna throw this on the blog and try and update later whenever I can. I’m so scatterbrained lately with all this excitement building! AHHHH MY BABY’S COMING HOME!!

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